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Advice on Repairing a parent / child relationship Please

Evie_
Community Member

Hi

For 2.5 - 3 years I have been in a divorce and settlement. It has all the ugly bits of a relationship breakdown. The sad casualties of this is our children. My ex-husband and I have parent orders now its equal share. But due to the age of my eldest, this child can choose to stay where they would like. I have haven't spoken to my eldest since these the separation. My ex is in the martial house. I text every week, and email regularly but I never get any replies. I keep the messages light hearted, just reminding them that I'm here when they are ready. I cant prove that there is other contributing factors, but I doubt the proper support is offered in terms of our reconciliation. Many milestones have been missed for both of us. I have some reassurance that my child is doing ok at school, and they are safe and well looked after. The child can walk past me at school, and is able to ignores me, but I feel the sadness. I found letters tonight, our relationship was always so good. Most days it's pushed down so I can get on with things, but tonight it's not.

Has anyone had a similar situation. What did they do to repair their relationship . How long did it take for them to come home. My child is in year 12, they will be gone in a few months. Free to explore the world. Our time as parent and child has been cut very short. I hope this doesn't haunt them later too. Do I need to fight harder for my child or is waiting the only way forward.

Eve

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Evie, welcome

The pain you feel is so immense, so inner, so numbing. Not unlike a parent that has experienced the result of the other parent demonising you to your child. It cant be legislated against, its isnt unlawful and it cant be stopped. So what can you do?

There are other situations written in this forum that seems impossible to counter. Its the same answer, make the best of a bad situation.

I've got two daughters 24 and 28. At 4 and 7 yo they were my angels. Due to mental abuse for the whole 11 years the marriage lasted I left. A week prior I planned my suicide. Thank God I thought "better a part time dad than no dad at all.

At 12yo my eldest came to live with me. Her mother revenged me and our daughter from that moment on. She also demonised us to my younger daughter. The result ended up that my oldest disowned both of them and that decision is permanent. At 14yo my youngest stopped seeing me and 10 years later , early ladt year she reentered my life. Happiness was short lived. The poison in her mind is too toxic.

So this time I've moved on. There is little hope but I have a wonderful older daughter that is getting married soon. I have a better wife and she is "mum".

My message here us to spread your interests keep really busy, join light sports, have projects and be there for them when they one day need you. Exercise all of your rights like parent teacher interviews.

There is no easy road in life. We have to jump the puddles, climb the hurdles and brave other human decisions. It doesnt mean we did wrong, just we got with the wrong partner or that partner has attitude issues.

Acceptance of ones situation is a tough gig. Mind diversion plays a large part of your mental well being. For me it was a case if working 2 jobs as well as building my own home...I was too busy to spend time with my grief.!

Try attending motivation lectures, group relaxation and therapy sessions. Find others in your situation.

All these things will make you a better person but it wont make you a better more caring mother....you cant improve on that...you are already the best mum your kids ever had and have...

Tony WK

Zeal
Community Member

Hi Evie,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm glad Tony replied to you, as he has great advice on complex life situations. I'm sorry to hear about this gulf of silence between you and your child. I hope they will want to re-engage with you in the future. For now, it's good that you know they are doing well with school and that they are healthy. Being in Year 12, your child will have a lot going on with school life.

I recommend these sites for info and tips:

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/healthy-homes/family-break-up (while some of this info may seem basic, it's still worth reading)

http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/ (the search engine on this website is great for accessing info about services)

I hope this forum is a helpful place to come to 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal