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Being in a relationship brings out my anxiety

Community Member

Hi there,

i don't know where to start, or what to say, but in the last two years I've had 2 relationships, one I'm still currently in one. The girl I'm with now is so kind and I love being with her, however, it's when I'm away from her is when I have thoughts that I can't control and brings me to not be able to concentrate on studying and concentrating in class.

Before we got together she had a threesome with one of my best friends and his gf. At that time we were more of a friends with benefits type thing- she had just come out of a relationship and I had serious sporting commitments, it seemed like the best thing to do. At the time it didn't bother me, I did like her and I never thought about it. We eventually got together a couple of months later, but in that time she had gotten with another one of my friends, and a few others. I was okay with it to begin with because we weren't together, but now whenever I start to think about her all I can think of is the imagine if her doing this.

We've been together now for 4 months, and whilst I don't consider myself as obsessively protective, I don't like guys getting close with her when I know they have intentions. I told her this, but she kept saying these two other guys were just friends. I trust her in not doing anything at parties, but I can't get passed these two people coz I know they like her. I told her I wasnt comfortable with them, but she kept saying nothing was going to happen, which wasn't why I was feeling the way I was.

One of them had lied that she wanted to get with him even though we were together and told his mates he was going to make her cheat and she still wanted to stay friends. The other had hooked up with her before we were together, which is fine, but he asked her to go to his place afterwards which she didn't, but kept talking to her even though he moved to Israel for 5 months, this made me very uncomfortable and really made me over think why she'd want to talk to 'her friend' she'd met twice. she knew how it was making me feel. I could never get this out of my head and it would drive me insane. I'd be paranoid because I know what guys will do, and I can't stand the image of her being with someone else.

she doesn't want to be controlled herself, and I don't want to control her..but she stopped talking to them, and she said she wouldn't have done it for anyone else. I love her, and I loving being with her, but when I'm away from her these thoughts just dominate my mind

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Melbourneboy88~

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting, it sounds a pretty worrying time for you.

Being unable to deal with your girlfriend's friendships can make both your lives miserable, plus it may ruin other perfectly fine friendships you both may have too

When you come right down to it a relationship is a partnership between equals. Each person loves the other, wants to look after them, trusts them. All that and enjoy being in their company too. The reverse is true, you should be able to expect your partner to feel the same way about you.

Nobody can - or should - try to control anyone else. It's fine to talk together and say what hurts or worries, but that's as far as it can go. Your girlfriend obviously cares a lot for you to terminate those other friendships to make you happy.

Doing that seems to me to be a short-term fix and I would not be surprised if those thoughts did not keep on growing anyway - despite logic saying to the contrary.

What you do about it is a judgment call you have to make. On the one hand you may think those thoughts are something you will get over just by time and not acting on them. On the other hand you might think they are spiraling and starting to apply to other things too. If that happens I'd see my GP and discuss the matter thoroughly in a long appointment, obtrusive thoughts can be an illness.

Sorry I've no easy answers, please feel free to come back and talk more


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Melbourneboy88

Good on you for having the courage to post!

Croix has great noteworthy advice above in his post.

A relationship usually (not always) is a two way street where trust is concerned. Just from my own experience trust is a solid foundation for a relationship's growth and stability is concerned. I understand its difficult when we are away from our partner is can be a worry when a relationship is in its infancy.

Your relationship will have a solid foundation when trust is a two way street.

Croix mentioned above that there are no easy answers...and he is right.

my kindest thoughts for you