Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Melsbe Feeling alone
  • replies: 4

Hi I'm Melissa 31 from sydney just sign up today. I've been depressed for sometime now well actually few years. A big part of it is not having many people to talk to or hangout with so feel alone quite alot. Most friends I went to school have moved o... View more

Hi I'm Melissa 31 from sydney just sign up today. I've been depressed for sometime now well actually few years. A big part of it is not having many people to talk to or hangout with so feel alone quite alot. Most friends I went to school have moved out of sydney or we just went our separate ways and I don't get out alot so haven't met anyone new. Most days are spent with my son or partner. My son has mental health issues so I'm a fulltime carer which doesn't leave me alot of options to do much. I'd love to know what people do or where they go to meet new people. I can be shy when meeting new people but I eventually warm up if we get along. Feeling quite down right now and alone would love suggestion on what others do in their free time.

new_beginning I MUST let go
  • replies: 38

So if its alright with everyone this is going to be the place i come to visit instead of reaching out to someone who doesnt love me or even think of me as a human anymore. When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im fee... View more

So if its alright with everyone this is going to be the place i come to visit instead of reaching out to someone who doesnt love me or even think of me as a human anymore. When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im feeling here. I need to stop thinking of him as someone who made me so very happy, someone who i thought i could spend the rest of my life with. Someone who i forgave horrible betrayals for because they were the one for me. He's not a friend. Not a parenting partner. He is nothing to me now and as much as it tears me apart i am nothing to him. I want to let go of his hold on me, all the horrible things i was told i was. I want it all gone. I dont want to spend my days on the couch crying because i miss him and miss having a connection with him. I want to find that beautiful person who i used to believe i was. That healthy fit kind independant person who was an amazing mother, always there to help friend and the person who felt like she was worthy of being known and cared for. I want to meet new people and be interesting and fun and live the life i deserve. I want to laugh! I am a really nice person and if your reading feel free to leave a comment, some advice or perhaps looking for a friend, i am here and i want to get to know you! Better days are coming and they are starting right now

TassyNick Lost and confused.
  • replies: 3

About two months ago my long term partner of three years decided to end our relationship. It came as complete surprise to me given that we had recently just agreed to start buying some furniture together and move into a new flat as well as I had been... View more

About two months ago my long term partner of three years decided to end our relationship. It came as complete surprise to me given that we had recently just agreed to start buying some furniture together and move into a new flat as well as I had been working to financially support us for the past year or so while they waited to get into uni. In the early stages of our relationship things were tough - both of us had a lot of baggage, but over three years we worked on our previous issues and started to focus on our goals and plan for the future. My job had been stressful recently so I decided to transfer to a different department to take pressure off me and the relationship. In the few months leading up to the break up, feeling safe and secure in the relationship, I decided to touch base again with the things I enjoyed before we partnered up - hiking with friends etc. This meant spending a bit more time apart than we previously had, and pursuing the things we had neglected over the past few years. I'm not perfect and I know I made plenty of mistakes along the way but have always been focused on self improvement and working on my relationships - I'm always prepared to go the hard yard. In the past few months leading up the the relationship I tried injecting a bit more romance into the relationship since I had felt it had been lacking somewhat - I had been somewhat preoccupied by work due to some customer aggression experiences I had gone through in my role in social services. The thing is, after they decided to split they told me that they didn't ever really enjoy the things we use to do, and to add insult to injury indicated that they had been thinking about breaking up for months! This was news to me and all my friends observed my partner appeared happier than they had ever been - we were starting to go on vacations together - exploring our home state etc, plan for the future and painting our apartment among other things. To make things worse after we split - my partners decision, my partner became aggressive, picked a fight with our shared friends and started attacking them personally and burning all their bridges. I have no idea where this has came from other than they had recently reconnected with some of their old friends that has disliked me from the beginning feeding rumours to my partners family. My friends on the other hand loved my partner and always welcomed them into the group and their homes.

Ash5133 Stuck in the Past
  • replies: 9

So this is my first time actually opening up about whats going on but i am really struggling being single at the moment. My past experiences haven't been great, i have been used, betrayed, and forced into things i don't want. i have spent years tryin... View more

So this is my first time actually opening up about whats going on but i am really struggling being single at the moment. My past experiences haven't been great, i have been used, betrayed, and forced into things i don't want. i have spent years trying to forget and suppress but the same things / problems keep coming up. All of my friends are currently in happy relationships and its getting hard to even hang out with them. I haven't been dealing with it too well and i feel like i spend more and more time by myself. I also recently broke my ankle which has stopped me from getting out of the house, all i do now is sit in my own terrible thoughts feeling more lonely everyday. I still want to be able to hang out with my friends but how can i do that when all i feel is jealously for their happy relationships?

Debbls I'm worried about my son and his "unplanned" babies..
  • replies: 3

My son has twin babies. I'm so worried because they weren't planned for (at least not right now) and as they've grown, I've seen such anger and resentment grow too... It worries me that he verbally shows just how angry and resentful he is in front of... View more

My son has twin babies. I'm so worried because they weren't planned for (at least not right now) and as they've grown, I've seen such anger and resentment grow too... It worries me that he verbally shows just how angry and resentful he is in front of these little ones and the way he speaks to his partner is totally unacceptable... he is not always like this, but his flair ups are frequent... He won't leave because staying is the loyal and right thing to do (my father left my mother when I was 6 weeks old and 3 years ago, his father and I were divorced...not for any other reason than we simply grew apart) I've asked him to seek help but "that's just a waste of time and talk is cheap", I think if he admits that he's having a difficult time, he'll see it as a failure or it's not manly...who knows? I'm worried too about his partner, she's done a stellar job with these babies and though she can push buttons too, I fear she is coming to the end of her tether... I have no idea how to help him..he knows how much he is loved...how do you help someone who is in denial...

Viahanne Why am I feeling I can't cope with kids and household
  • replies: 11

I'm really struggling to understand myself. I'm getting upset with my kids and husband over the smallest things. I feel I have anxiety when we are close to being late for school drop off and I just cry. I can't keep up with the house cleaning and I c... View more

I'm really struggling to understand myself. I'm getting upset with my kids and husband over the smallest things. I feel I have anxiety when we are close to being late for school drop off and I just cry. I can't keep up with the house cleaning and I can't let it go. I'm getting angry with my 10 year old because I feel like I'm constantly having to repeat myself on simple daily routine like eat your breakfast and pack your bag! I understand prep is such a tiring and new thing for my son but why do I have to argue with him to put his hat in his bag?! Or that he is capable of grabbing his jocks from his drawer himself?! My husband works away sometimes and those are the days I struggle the most with my two year old as he constantly wants to cuddle me especially while I'm trying to cook dinner. He gets angry if I'm not the one to pour him a cup of water. I work and have returned back to study. My husband is a great provider but I get so mad with him when he does everything for our 5 year old. He will sleep with his in his room because my son doesn't want to sleep alone. i feel so stupid ranting about silly little things that are probably what everyone faces but why does it bother me so much? My husband wants me to seek help but by the time he gets back from work I'm going to be back to happy again.. so I thought I could try here while I'm still trying to calm myself down from this mornings episode. I feel horrible for making my daughter upset from me breaking down. She's such a good kid. I don't want her to feel the way I do when she grows up. My kids are everything to me and I feel like I'm failing them as a mother. Why can't I just fill their water bottles without losing my shit that they weren't on the kitchen bench when I go to wash them? It's not like I can't just grab them out of their bags myself... I'm being so dramatic and I'm so embarrassed

SweetAmara I don't know if I should continue this LDR
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I met 17 months ago online. We started off as friends and then came to visit from the USA in August last year, both of us were really nervous, neither of us wanting to be rejected. I was terrified that I wouldn't feel the same as him... View more

My boyfriend and I met 17 months ago online. We started off as friends and then came to visit from the USA in August last year, both of us were really nervous, neither of us wanting to be rejected. I was terrified that I wouldn't feel the same as him, however, after spending the week with him I did feel like my feelings were real and he was exactly as he had been for over a year. I was super thankful and appreciated that he chose to visit, since he had been making a very low income, was struggling with his Tourettes and his stutter. Additionally, he was meeting many people for the first time, but he did amazing. After he left though, things have really been going down hill, and maybe it's because we now know what it's like to be near one another. He's a very genuine person. Very kind, very giving etc. I have never really dated properly before. At times, he can be nice verging on too nice, but I do appreciate how hard he tries. He struggles with his own anxiety, self-esteem and abandonment issues mostly from his upbringing. Additionally, the way we speak and learn is different, (plus technology) he often doesn't understand what I am saying and that is something I felt immensely stressful. He does take on board what upsets me but he has ADD and I think that he's not able to really get it. I have become bored by us, we talk daily and I often times find it all monotonous. I have taken time out, but it doesn't seem to get better, I have researched how to liven it up but it doesn't seem to work. We fight about his lack of response to my questions/concerns mainly, I'll express dreams for the future, and he doesn't often contribute but sit there and listens. Or agrees with me, which makes me feel like I control everything. We're both going to counselling. We send each other gifts, we have Skype dates, you name it we do it. I wonder at times, are we just too comfortable? I am in love or am I still here because he's a lovely person? Am I simply afraid of being alone? Am I just missing the unpredictable? Why can't I just enjoy this? I am prone to overthinking, but it's hard knowing all you have is talking. He says he'll support whatever I decide, we are always honest with one another, he is one of my closest friends too. I just don't know if life's getting in the way or there's a bigger picture here? He wants to move here at the end of the year and though I have wanted that all along, I am now starting to get concerned, I feel so lost. I am the problem here.

Crash-322 Broken-And feel like I'm trying everything to self destruct
  • replies: 3

Hi, not really sure where to start. Ive gotten myself to a place where I feel like there is no hope. My relationship has mentally killed me, I've stayed because for some stupid reason my head won't let me go. Normally I would run from this kind of pe... View more

Hi, not really sure where to start. Ive gotten myself to a place where I feel like there is no hope. My relationship has mentally killed me, I've stayed because for some stupid reason my head won't let me go. Normally I would run from this kind of person and the first time they hurt I would normally not have forgiven them. But this time and person it's different and nothing he does makes me leave! So instead of leaving and going on with my life, I've stayed and completely destroyed myself mentally and physically. The thoughts never stop they get worse, the drug use gets worse, I've lost heaps of weight I'm so broken but won't leave!! Unfortunately even tho he can see me fading into nothing and losing my mind, he has not stopped his behavior and even tho he says he wants to help. He hasn't and I feel like now he doesn't even care because he knows he can do anything to me and I stay. I feel like I'm nothing and the one person I adore is killing me. I don't know what to do I don't know how to make him stop. I hate myself and I feel like these thoughts plague my mind constantly cause I know deep down it's the only way it will stop

Jane_Doe Depressed & alone but must be "up" for the children, no local help
  • replies: 1

So, I registered here & have read that I should turn to "local help". That's pretty awful, from the start. It doesn't take into account many situations where that's not possible. I've shifted country's & been a victim of family violence...I have no o... View more

So, I registered here & have read that I should turn to "local help". That's pretty awful, from the start. It doesn't take into account many situations where that's not possible. I've shifted country's & been a victim of family violence...I have no one here as they were all of my partner's friends. Suggestions to see a GP have already been followed-- but I don't need "numbing", I need some wisdom & support! Don't say "doctors help"-- a waiting list of months & then what? I MUST work 7 days to pay our bills. Suggesting doctors doesn't help & makes it worse. I left a loveless marriage with my two children in tow. I thought I'd found my soulmate. No, wrong. Ex has been awful & I've been in a car accident which saw me losing so much income-- but I still took care of my children. Their father won't offer help unless they beg & because that's so sad for them , they don't. I'm so tired. All of my family is dead & the family I thought I had has been turned against me. I'm just numb. If I weren't caring for my kids, not sure I'd bother being here at all.

Nini02 Feeling hurt and empty
  • replies: 5

Feeling like my relationship is now done and at rock bottom. I feel as though we are both to an extent in the wrong and lack of communication has led us to where we are. I would get upset if he was with friends for a drink or two because when we were... View more

Feeling like my relationship is now done and at rock bottom. I feel as though we are both to an extent in the wrong and lack of communication has led us to where we are. I would get upset if he was with friends for a drink or two because when we were together I feel like the phone and social media was taking over (probably both ends, but more so his). He ended up cheating on me once with the influence of drugs, and I decided to give it another go because I love him deeply. Since then, he opened up to me about a lot (he struggled with showing any emotion, I feel his childhood has to do with that) and things were going a lot better with everything. It came to my birthday and I got upset and cracked as he left it so late that I didn't even get anything (to me it was the thought and not actually not recieiving a present that upset me). Because of my reaction he told me we were done and need a break to think. I'm struggling as this has only happened 2 days ago now. All I want is for everything to work out in the end and I just don't know how to come to terms with everything. I know most people would say I'm stupid for staying and even more stupid to still want him in my life, but I really can't help my feelings. I fault myself a lot for being so grumpy if he had a few drinks after work with mates and feel as though that has lead to everything that has happened/gone wrong with our relationship