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Married and lesbian

beezel
Community Member

I'm married (to a man), older and lesbian and find I am not accepted by community since coming out. The lesbian community offers opportunities for meets but members run a mile when they find out you are married. The mainstream population very between supportive comments of bravery and always there for you, to repulsion and rejection. I feel surrounded by a void without human contact, slowly moving towards some sort of resolution of which I am unclear and wonder if I'll ever reach. I know I am not alone, I have read enough stories, usually shared at the end of the journey when the torment is over. There are others like me out there still on the journey and I wonder if anyone is brave enough to come forward to look at how we can support each other. COVID has shown us how important contact and touch are important to resilience and mental health. Professional assistance is helpful but nothing would replace the support of someone travelling the same journey. Any suggestions welcome.

4 Replies 4

WaterFront
Community Member

Hi beezel,

Welcome to the forums.

I am wondering how long it has been since you came out and if you are still with your husband. Feel free not to answer these questions if you think they are too intrusive.

I ask the first question because it takes time to build relationships and the second because people generally want to have a relationship with someone who they consider is 'free' to be with them.

There is a 'sexuality and gender identity' forum on BB where there may be others better positioned to discuss this with you as they may have had similar experiences. Though of course you are welcome in this forum also.

I wish you well on your journey.

WaterFront

Hi Waterfront, I have been separated from my husband for 7 months now. We are going through settlement. All of my life savings are invested into our property and joint assets most of which I paid for. The lawyers are battling it out. Until then I am under the same roof in a hostile environment as he refuses to leave. Until the last 8 weeks he has considered what I am going through as a phase and I have had to make pleas not to be touched and to be left alone most nights. I'm not familiar with all the forums on BB so I will have a look. Your view about being free to be in a relationship is valid but everyone needs understanding and support and a friend.

Hi beezel,

I absolutely agree with you. We all need connection, belonging, support and understanding. Friends that we can share our feelings and life experiences with. The BB forums are a great place to find support, especially in tough moments and trying times.

I'm sorry to hear about your home situation. It must be very uncomfortable for you, particularly with having to deal with unwanted advances and a lack of understanding. This is not respectful of him to you. Hopefully, the settlement will happen quickly and you will be able to remove yourself from this difficult environment.

Feel free to come back to this forum. I'm sure there will also be others along who will be able to offer advice and support.

Take care.

WaterFront

missep123
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi beezel,

I am so sorry to hear that you have had those experiences of rejection and people running away when they find out you are married. That honestly makes me sad to hear because I think it takes a lot of bravery to reach out and seek support especially when you are going through a difficult time. As you mentioned, I am sure there are others in the same position as yours. I wish you could meet people who are authentic and open to supporting you nevertheless the circumstances. Especially when everyone's journey of self-discovery is so different and definitely doesn't fit into a box.

I wish I knew exactly what to say but I just wanted to comment on your post that I hear you and I hope we can support you!