Hi Mumof3teens
My heart goes out to you as you face this time in your life that feels so overwhelmingly challenging in so many ways. My theory is 'Hindsight is brilliant if or when it's working'. Until it kicks in, it can feel like a matter of 'How did I get to this point?' or 'How did I become so lost?' and even in some cases 'How did I get to this point of becoming so lost and depressed?'. Little makes sense until it all begins to make sense.
I've found a lot can come to rise up in life at once, in the way of challenge, and sometimes it can all tie in together. One significant question can trigger a snowball effect. It's like you can ask the simple yet challenging question 'Why am I so sad?' or 'Why do I feel so empty, unfulfilled and hopeless?' then it happens...one answer comes and that little snowball or revelation begins to gather other revelations along it's path of questions. Being a 54yo mum of 2 and in a marriage that isn't crash hot and with the challenge to develop friendships, I found a lot ties in together. In no particular order, the revelations came: I was happier in some ways when my kids were little because I felt more of a sense of purpose then plus there was more of a sense of adventure, as we often went on adventures together. When the kids were little, they also helped fill in the blanks at times (some of the empty and somewhat lonely moments that could have been filled with a more fulfilling relationship with my husband but weren't). As my children's lives became busier for them, I found I was developing more free time but no one to share it with in meaningful ways. The desperate need for more meaningful friendships began to surface, with a key question being 'Why does my husband not feel like a friend?'. This was a period where I woke up to a lot of what was wrong in my marriage. This is all simply an example of how a tiny snowball or tiny revelation can develop in size. Suddenly, it's like you can be facing an enormous thing full of all the things 'wrong'. But the thing is they're all still revelations and all have something to tell us.
The revelations could be
- 'It's time to begin developing new friendships, as this can't be put off any longer. No friends or not enough friends is becoming too depressing. While it may never have been a problem for me before, now it is'
- 'It's time to bring the adventurer in me back to life, resurrect it in some way, because living without it is too depressing'
- 'I have more free time now to focus on me. Could this be a time in my life that gifts me the opportunity to gain a greater level of self understanding and self development? How do I want to develop my self and/or come to better understand how I tick?'
- 'I'm completely lost and need a really good guide. Whether this guide comes in the form of a guidance counselor or someone else is something worth considering'
Just a handful of possible revelations.
I recall a time some years ago where I said to my mum (semi jokingly) when I was depressed 'I just want to run away from home'. She told me she'd felt that way herself when her kids were growing up. She also told me that it wasn't uncommon for mums/wives to feel this way. I could relate to what she said when she told me her reasons, 'I wanted to go somewhere where I could feel people really cared about me, somewhere that was more exciting than where I was, somewhere where I could just be myself and somewhere where I could find a sense of peace and purpose. I wanted to go somewhere where I could be happy'. Mums can face far more challenges than what some people realise. ❤️
