Lonely Hearts Club. Do we miss the person or the relationship?

[CMF]

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own experience. Our hearts are broken by people who:

no longer want to be with us;

cheat on us;

stay with us but don't treat us right;

That's just to mention a few. There are many reasons why relationships don't work and its always hard on the person trying to keep it together. So if someone cheats on us, treats us badly, lies to us, isn't around when we really need them, why are we so heartbroken when they leave us or why can't we leave them when we are clearly unhappy with the situation? Why do our hearts hurt so much even though it's been broken? Why do we want to stay with the person who broke it? Do we miss the person or miss the relationship or the idea of the person?

I can't stand my ex most of the time, he has good traits but at times is rude, irritating, careless, selfish, treated me very badly but still I find myself feeling sad sometimes when I think of the good times but I remind myself that i'm not sure if that was the real him. I question this because he treats him mum the same way and yet she does everything for him. Yes she is annoying and overbearing but how do you treat your own mother like that when she does as much as she does for you? I used to love his laugh, the late night calls, that he made me feel like a teenager again. Now I find his laugh annoying, he's laughing at my expense, I find him irresponsible and childish. Yet I feel sad.

I don't miss HIM. I miss the company, the fun, having someone to do things with. I feel lonely.

None of this is a new revelation. You can google the topic and read up on it. In time we may start to enjoy being on our own again, being our own person, not being put down or treated badly. We realise we have the chance to meet someone else, someone who really wants us and treats us great, our soul mate.

So why do we feel lonely and miss a person who mistreated us, or cheated on us? Why do we fight hard to be with someone who doesn't want us? Why is it so hard to move on?

cmf

[blondguy]

Do we miss the person or the relationship?

Sorry I havent been on here but I have my answer to your thread topic/question...

The Companionship.....with my ex anyway...not even the relationship...just my take on your thread topic if thats ok

My kindest

Paul

[Guest_128]

That's to hard

can't you put it here,you know,whatever they do to transfer it?

please Paul

[CMF]

Hi Paul,

Of course it's ok, always love your input.

You're spot on. I miss the fun we used to have together, things we did together. Its not having someone to things with that hurts.

[blondguy]

Thanks CMF

I do miss the companionship....that hurts the most...not the relationship...it was toxic

Great thread topic by the way 🙂

Paul

[CMF]

Thanks Paul,

I'm hearing you big time. As much as I enjoy my own company, I do feel lonely at times.

[Moonstruck]

The major thing I miss and that is so vital to me (am I the only one)...is"touch". Such a simple thing...touch. Something "on my skin". the condition called "skin hunger" is well known to medical circles, particularly with older folk in aged care. Younger people can get it too. I've had it. "skin hunger".

Some time back I went through a long long period of no intimate relationship - with even closest friends living a long way away, kids grown up and gone...people we usually get a hug or touch from occasionally and probably take for granted. until it's been literally ages and ages since anyone "touched" us.

I remember one day i was standing outside and a lovely soft breeze began to blow. Nothing unusual in that you say? Of course not. But.....I recall feeling a very strange sensation, an unfamiliar sensation. So much so I gave a start and thought "what's that? What's that happening?" then I realised. "Oh God it's the gentle breeze on my face. something is "touching me"." It had been SO long since ANYTHING, whether human or not had "touched" me, even the wind connecting with my face felt strange. How sad I must have been deep down inside. I weep for that woman I was.........

[CMF]

Moon, yes yes yes. You are so right. They say babies who are deprived of physical contact do not thrive. Come to think of it when I had relationships that ended that was my concern. Who would now meet my physical needs, cuddle me, hug me... I hug my little miss all the time. Can never get enough.

Cmf x

[Evilnut]

Hi Paul I am having trouble loving on and can not find password reset

[Moonstruck]

Hi everyone....thought I'd give this thread a bit of a nudge - it's such a good thought provoking title....but not many seem to avail themselves of it.....never mind. Reason I find it good is that I am sort of going through this kind of question myself (as some of you would know) My ex (if he is over the flu which has been an epidemic around here) will probably meet up with me for a casual drink/talk/whatever tomorrow.

So I don't know if I actually have been missing "him" or the relationship. I suspect it is the relationship. Does that matter though? He kind of hinted last time we met up...."what's going to happen now...where do we go from here?" etc. Well...I DON'T KNOW. Why should I have all the answers? I am as in the dark as he is.....any suggestions how the hell I can answer that one if it arises again?.

Are others who have broken up with, ended a relationship, been dumped by etc....more sure than I, whether it is the "person" or the "relationship" they miss? Be interested to hear some of your experiences - you would have to know yourself pretty well to really search inside and be honest with yourself I reckon.

Sometimes we try to fool ourselves don't we?

[Guest_3712]

Hi Moon girl

Yes like u pondering this question which is why CMF referred me here a little while back

After 35!years with hubby I guess it will be both

Not on my own since age 17 and only one partner during this time .,

Beats the hell out of me !😩