Living with an Alcoholic Spouse

[Chrissy264]

Hi

My husband has  always been a drinker, but the past 2 years or more he is really drinking a lot more. Yesterday he came home from work at 4pm and by 6pm he had passed out in the chair, he drunk 1 litre of red wine, 3 cans of beer and numerous shot glasses of whiskey. He passes out for around an hour and starts again. He is verbally abusive to me, he knows I suffer from my mental health, plus I care for my elderly Mum who has dementia. But his words are always "you are sick in the head, do us a favour go and live with you Mum" he is so good that he makes it out like I'm the bad person and I think I am . We have been together over 27 years, he has promised on numerous occasions to either cut down or stop he knows he is an alcoholic, our grown up kids have even tried talking to him but nothing, he is never verbally abusive to them, it is just myself.

I cry myself to sleep every night, my sleep is really broken, as I'm also listening out as he gets up, mostly sleep walking and falls over, I'm scared that he might hit his head on something.

I have no one to talk to about this as I feel really embarrassed that I live this life. I am not strong enough to leave him, plus I have 2 dogs and I couldn't afford to rent anywhere. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Chrissy264,  We’re sorry to hear what you’ve been going through with your relationship and the really difficult living situation. It sounds like it’s had some very serious impacts on your wellbeing. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.  In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated with and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It sounds like it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how you’ve been treated by your partner. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.  You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.  
 
It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online. It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.  Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members once they spot your thread. We appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing to the forums, and we hope you can be kind to yourself, too while you’re going through this extremely difficult time.   Kind regards,   Sophie M 

[geoff]

Hello Chrissy264, this is always a most unfortunate situation you're in, and because he's always putting the blame on you shows he has no respect for you at all.

You can not be blamed for whatever happens to him, especially while he is drunk and the volume of alcohol he consumes in such a short time is a considerable amount.

I can't say what you should do, however, living with him is not going to make your MI get any better because you seem to be more worried about what's going to happen to him, rather looking after yourself.

You have your children who don't like what he's doing, so the important question is whether you can live with them for a short period or actually live with your mother.

My best.

Geoff.

Life Member.