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Living Separately under one roof.

Nothappyuni
Community Member

I have worked hard all my life. I lost everything to an early marriage that was handled badly by my solicitor .

But,I built myself up from the ground, bought a unit (with a $15,000 deposit I saved up) and began again. I met a girl, told her whats mine is hers and four years later we married and bought a house together. I sold my unit and put the cash into our house. I was badly injured at work and though it took eight years for the courts to negotiate a settlement, I was paid out and used the money to pay off our house. We had kids and life was good for 17 years, then about six years ago it started going down hill.

It has gone to sh*t now. The love is gone, we don't have anything, don't even speak much. We live separate under one roof as I don't have a permanent job. However, it has come to the point where I have to walk away. I just can't help feeling betrayed, and lied to. She had dreams, I came on board and together all of them came true, now she is having a midlife crisis and I have been fed to the dogs. She complains of body insecurities being her problem for never wanting sex, yet now I must watch her dress in low, low cut dresses, worn without a bra. I must endure her holidaying with other people or going out at night. Our own children told her it was over the top what she was wearing. But she insists she can't have sex or relations with me because he has body issues? I believe it is to hurt me, I see the delight my discomfort gives her.

So I have to leave. I had a home when I met her, I had a payout to cover injuries I have the rest of my life, but I have to leave the house I paid for and start again- or watch the circus as it parades every evening.

I genuinely hate life, it is just so unfair.

I have been the most faithful person, I spent time with the kids, I bought my partner $$$$ watches, rings and bracelets, I worked hard. My parents gave me $15,000 to help me in uni, all gone into the holiday and drinking account of my 'partner'. And, I have to walk away, pay a bond, pay rent, live in some flea bitten cheap hovel, while she lives in a mansion. She will take years to sell it, while I live in squalor, and the money I gave to the family is tied up in the house or used on drink/holiday/ clothing. She is still very attractive and draws men like flies to fresh meat, while I got sad and put on weight.

Oh well, that's my rant, it's off my chest now.

4 Replies 4

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Nothappy@uni,

If you don't mind me asking, why did you move out and not ask her to leave?

Have you spoken with a lawyer about all of this? Where do you stand legally?

Can you move back into the house and live your own life there?

It does sound like an unfair situation to be in.

Do you see the children?

Not sure really how to help you here, sorry I've not been of much support. Hopefully others will have some solutions for you.

Cheers from Dools

MiaSan
Community Member
Hi Mr. Unhappy,

Life sometimes is just unfair. We all know it.

I don't know what I can say/do to help and probably you don't really need any help.

If possible, I would like give you a hug. Think thoroughly and make your decision.

(ᵔᴥᵔ) don't let other's fault suffocate you.

SoloDad
Community Member
I honestly could have wrote this, I was married to a beautiful younger woman and it was all dreamy right up until she had children and I had thyroid issues. She developed minor body issues but I literally doubled in size and became to fat for her to want to be intimate with me. She wasn’t the best wife and it resulted in cheating as she needed the attention of fit men to help soften her own body issues.
I left and never looked back. In fact I even lost most of the weight. I’ve stayed single and its lonely, but I have my kids half the time. There is nothing better to help you though this then to invest in you and your kids. Retrain for something you can do for work and make a new life. Making ‘you’ your new project seemed of have helped me a lot.

Mira61
Community Member

I hear you Nothappy@uni and it is so sad when our loved ones or those who were our loved ones just leave us (mentally or emotionally or physically). I can't help but sense that the issue seems to have been about intimacy. I suffered from this as well from my partner who was cheating on me because there was no intimacy between us. It is not your fault that this happened and it does seem unfair that your ex-partner has found a solution to this problem elsewhere.

I hope you recover from this as I'm sure you will. You were able to find a way out of your hurt before, so use what you learnt from previous experiences to guide you into a more peaceful future.