Later life relationship

[Sammy]

I am 50 years old lady who had abusive marriage and now grown up kids

10 years I stayed alone as my daughter was teen and I didn’t want to bring step dad into this and also I was not ready emotionally. Kept going for coffees with men but somehow I couldn’t meet anyone 

now she is 20 and I feel lonely and sad sometimes but I was focusing well on diet exercise female friends etc but still had a huge lacuna but not sure if it’s just mind playing tricks or I genuinely wanted a man. My ex was untreated psych with alcohol issues and was diagnosed with frequent psychosis untreated and he became physically violent. 
now I met someone who lives in Canada . We have been chatting for 10 months and we visited each other. He is 57 and widower. He likes Australia because of good weather and he had lived in Canada for 30 years. I like him as I feel safe , listened and cared, godly and totally disciplined. His teachings are we are eternal soul who doesn’t belong to this body and we keep moving through lives. He is a detached soul, very respectful etc

At this age it’s not romance or butterflies etc but a meaningful, caring and handholding walks and coffee shops and meals together, experiences together 

but your money, my money and your kid my kid kind of thing . Very new phase and I don’t know how to love and develop it into beautiful relationship.

I am traumatised from past which is trying to protect me and try to push everything away .He is stable financially and widowed no baggage, eats only one meal and clean, likes walks and eating out , watching movies and also spiritual activities and prays etc . All these gives me peace

but also worries like he is going to be with me in my house, what if he uses me, takes from me , gives less, I have to become his helper, a burden on me etc… Don’t know why I feel like that! 
I have my daughter and her boyfriend here . I want to safeguard my wealth but be able to give him the love care and help him through his life . 
my natural instinct is main care to my girls .

but he is the one who gives me peace, warmth and calmness in life currently. Why am I not able to fully embrace him and love him to bits .?? Am I ice queen 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome,

You are no "ice queen". You are a lady that has scars that might not ever heal so, as they say, "you have to make the most of it". 

Of course the better method of survival towards happiness is to not allow your memories to rule the rest of your life but also tread carefully.

There are some concerns here with this new man as your differences are real. He lives in another country, he has some untraditional routines (one meal), his spiritual side and romance hasn't gone far. So they all depend on your ability to blend in with that and more importantly to blend in with your life.

What I see as a better road to take is-

• Take your time until you are convinced pursuing a living together relationship is meant to be
• Take the therapies that will help you grow away from your last marriage 
• Extended holidays could insightful with him.

You've survived a harrowing early life. Charity begins at home so time to care for yourself.

Relationships with a person from overseas has challenges. I can't say this man is or is not ideal however a local man won't have the same challenges and they are out there.

Lots to consider but we'll done in breaking free of your ex husband and developing into an independent and beautiful lady.

TonyWK