Infatuation in marriage

[Rex007]

Hi
My wife of 17years is infatuated on another guy living overseas. She claims that he is like the brothers she doesn't have but earlier on in there relationship she told me that she had fantacised about him once. She said that it was a mistake and that she doesn't think of him in a physical way. However she talks to him twice a day - Every day. I've told her how upset it makes me feel but she just says that she can't control her feelings. It hurts so much that I don't sleep at night. She sleeps just fine.
The only reason that I'm still here (apart from our two kids that I love) is t that I still love her. I also know that for t h e l as t few years she has struggled with mental health issues to do with her family. I supported her as best I could through it all
The strange thing is that this guy is the total opposite personality type and I know that she would never leave the kids to be with him for so many reasons.
I have been seeing a councillor regarding my feelings and we are also seeing a Separate marriage councillor to work on our marriage. His strategy is for us to explore other interests so that we can have something different to talk about. Only I feel with the hurt I'm feeling I'm likely to run off with the first person that showed half an interest in me. It's not what I want. Unfortunately my wife is my one and only best friend which makes the thought of separating impossible to bear.
I'm really confused and gave no idea what to do. I'd love to hear any suggestions or hear from anyone that has been t through something similar
P,S, I have this guy as my Facebook friend - I feel like telling him to go away because I think he would. But if my wife found out our marriage would be over anyway

[Betternow]

Hello Rex

Welcome back. Please accept my sympathies on the sudden death of your parents. It’s something we all work through no matter how old we may be.

It seems your relationship with your wife remains problematic. Being dumped by her online fellow isn’t a surprise. Now she is busy with new friends must disappointing for you. You mentioned there are some positive events in your life. I look forward to hearing about them.

Getting back to your wife, I doubt she will make the change you would like to see Rex. At the end of the day, you will have to decide what you are prepared to tolerate and take action accordingly.

Again, sorry to hear about your parents. I wish you well.

[Rex007]

I did say there were some positives- mainly me looking out for myself with varying degrees of success. I took time off work and did a pre-learner motorbike course. I'm thinking of getting a 300cc scooter to have fun on over the weekends. Have to get the license to really have fun but it's a start.

I'm also off on a 20km bushwalk tomorrow with a walking group that I've joined. I'm trying to have a little more fun without having to rely on my wife.

I've made the decision not to leave her unless things get out of hand again. I'm hoping that she'll get over whatever phase she's going through but at the same time I'm working on building up my resilience and making a few friends. It's not easy and I know that there'll be some nights when I won't sleep well. I just think of the kids and what I can do for them.

It's been great to be able to put my thoughts down in this forum. I don't know what how I would have managed to stay sane.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Rex - good on you for talking about things here and being open to think about the whole thing

I'm sorry to read about the loss of your parents , that must have been such a challenging time