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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SeptemberSky Miscarriage and blindsided breakup
  • replies: 1

I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was ... View more

I was in a 4 year same-sex relationship. Engaged. Decided to start a family and I fell pregnant but we lost the baby at 16 weeks. A month later my partner came home and unexpectedly ended our relationship. I was totally blindsided. Turns out she was having an affair with a colleague she had been getting support from since our loss. The affair continued but stopped when the other woman’s partner found out. A few months later my partner wanted to try rebuild. I agreed to try provided she give it time and effort and see a counsellor if we weren’t able to get things moving. After a month she told me she was in love with me and had been very lost and confused recently. She assured me every day that things were headed in the right direction and I was learning to trust her again. Then 6 weeks into rebuilding, she ended it again. She says she loves and cares for me but she isn’t in love with me. She can no longer see a future with me and sees me as a friend only. Im so broken. I’ve lost so much. Now we have to sell our house and pack up our whole lives. I didn’t even know there were issues. In the weeks after we lost the baby she told me she loved me more than ever. I’m so confused and can’t seem to pull myself out of my misery. It’s been 6 weeks since she left and she’s told me that there’s no chance of us ever getting back together. Help!

desperatelyhopeless Depressed Couple
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I don’t really know where to start. I’m a 30 year old woman with a long history of depression and anxiety who is married to a man in his mid 30s who also has depression and anxiety, possibly OCD. We have been together almost 8 years and ... View more

Hi everyone, I don’t really know where to start. I’m a 30 year old woman with a long history of depression and anxiety who is married to a man in his mid 30s who also has depression and anxiety, possibly OCD. We have been together almost 8 years and have been through many highs and lows. The biggest high is the birth of our daughter 2 years ago who is the light of my life. Since her birth I have had a pretty good grasp on my depression, with some anxiety flare ups but overall my mental health has been stable. My husband on the other hand, has been on a steep decline mentally for about 3 years, to the point that he now feels he has nothing left and has given up on happiness and wants me and our daughter to leave him. I am at a loss. I have been as supportive as I possibly can be the past few years. I’ve stood by him through the moments of rage and anger, the verbal abuse, the sexual problems, the walking on eggshells for fear of disturbing his OCD environment (everything has to be just so or he gets angry). Don’t get me wrong, he is a good man, he is always extremely remorseful and apologetic after he’s lost his cool. But no matter how much I’ve asked him to seek help it feels like he doesn’t. Now he’s at the point where he says he’s too broken and is destined to live his life unhappy. My heart breaks for him but also for our family. I want better for all of us but just can’t seem to get him to want to change. I’ve suggested a mental health retreat as a last ditch concentrated effort to help him change some of his deep seated, very long standing self beliefs, but nothing. I'm at such a loss and feeling so heartbroken and unsure what to do next. How can you help someone who won’t help themselves

Chris123 So angry
  • replies: 2

So I think I have morning depression. I am the breadwinner and mum. I have a casual work that is barely feeding our family and husband is not looking for work, please ask him why because I cannot as it makes him angry. So this morning I woke up at 8a... View more

So I think I have morning depression. I am the breadwinner and mum. I have a casual work that is barely feeding our family and husband is not looking for work, please ask him why because I cannot as it makes him angry. So this morning I woke up at 8am, kid woke up a bit early, at 7.30. Husband also woke up because kid woke up and I was working late last night so he did that. But when I woke up, I found the hisband eating breakfast but not the kid. Kid was watching him eating breakfast. I did hear the kid asking for egg for breakfast. Before he started cooking hia oats on microwave. So while he was standing waiting for his oats to cook, why couldn't he cook his child's egg? It is so confusing. The child is also his child not just mine? Can a man please explain to me why he only cooked his breakfast without feeding his own son? The child is 6 so he cannot cook on stove yet. Husband usually cooks him breakfast if I go out to work in the morning but it seems he doesn't think it is his job whether or not I am working if I seem tired? Why does he think I have to cook and do all the housework if I am around home even though I am the breadwinner?

Emma930 Knowing I deserve better
  • replies: 4

I'm struggling. I moved towns 2 years ago now where all my friends cut me off and blocked me on everything. I have spent 1 and a half years so lonely and dying for friends. It is so hard to meet people as an adult and I was really struggling. I start... View more

I'm struggling. I moved towns 2 years ago now where all my friends cut me off and blocked me on everything. I have spent 1 and a half years so lonely and dying for friends. It is so hard to meet people as an adult and I was really struggling. I started a new job where I met a guy and spent 4 months talking to him. Looking back he wasn't a gentleman from the start and I should have left him. I was so very lonely and didn't want to lose him because I thought he made me happy. Genuinely believed he made me happy, I was 'happy'. He introduced me to him family and friends so I thought I meant something to him. I found out he cheated on me with my only friend and he begged for forgiveness. It broke me but I didn't want to lose him because then I would be alone again. This was my biggest fear. I was dumb and forgave him for him to tell me 2 weeks later that he doesn't want me anymore. He broke me. I was alone again. I kept texting him and made myself look so desperate trying to convince him to keep me around. Only to find out he found another girl. It has been a long month, I am struggling. I hate myself for the fact that I made myself seem desperate for him, I hate myself for the fact I kept him around because I was lonely, I hate myself for the fact I can't get him out of my head. I am trying so so hard to move on and every part of me wants to move on and be happy except my brain will not let me forget how 'happy' i thought i was. My brain convinces me i miss him but i don't. I just want to move on and be happy but I can't let the idea of him go for some reason, I don't know how to let go. I now have such a bad view towards guys. I had a bad ex before I moved and this situation hasn't helped. I am now scared to hang out with guys because I DONT want to be used again. In my opinion all guys are assholes. How can I move on? How can I not hate every guy in the future? How can I not get used again? How can I be happy in myself and on my own, I don't want to keep someone in my life again just because I am lonely? I just want to be happy....

Outback_Dad Parental Alienation
  • replies: 3

I have 3 children to a previous marriage. The two eldest are now in the workforce and the youngest in her second last year of school. I have been alienated from them for about 15 years through various nefarious tactics. I was wondering how I regain c... View more

I have 3 children to a previous marriage. The two eldest are now in the workforce and the youngest in her second last year of school. I have been alienated from them for about 15 years through various nefarious tactics. I was wondering how I regain contact - proper contact. The eldest two have responded sporadically in the past twelve months but their communications have remained distant. My eldest child occasionally asks how I am and how their younger siblings, to my second marriage, are. My second child made brief contact when in the area. He really only seemed interested in how much my house and car cost and where I work. It felt like an intel operation. I have not heard from him since (over 6 months now). It was the first time I had seen him in 8 years. I would appreciate some guidance.

cherrysundae dont rly want to be in this relationship - am i a bad person?
  • replies: 4

recently one of my close friends moved schools, and shes been going through a lot already on top of all of that. she moved against her own will and wanted to stay here very much . on her last day, she was crying a lot so naturally, me being her frien... View more

recently one of my close friends moved schools, and shes been going through a lot already on top of all of that. she moved against her own will and wanted to stay here very much . on her last day, she was crying a lot so naturally, me being her friend and all i comforted her. we had always had a pretty close friendship,even within our group of close friends we found ourselves connecting with each other more. well, after her last day she messaged me over the phone and conffessed that she had feelings for me . i didnt know what to do we r both very similar in these kinds of situations - we panic so we have one of our close friends to back us up - so while she was panicking about confessing her feelings and i was panicking about getting confessed to we both turned to the same close friend for support and well i didnt know what to do i did not want a relationship i mean shes a lovely girl and all but im just not ready for a relationship right now but i thought, how can i turn her down now when my other close friend already knows whats going on ??? how can i turn her down when shes already going thrrough so much?? so i said yes and we've been dating for 2 weeks and a bit. i dont want to be in this relationship but i feel like the longer im in it the less easy it is to get out of . shes not a bad person and its not a bad relationship i just dont want to be in one right now . and i know its wrong that i said yes to a relationship despite my true feelings and i feel extremely guilty about it. i dont think i can go to my friends for support because they all know this girl so they will most definitely think i am a completely terrible person . i just dont know what im even supposed to do- how can i break up with her when ive already said yes? and shes already going through so much so how terrible and selfish do i have to be to want to end things between us when it could be so negative for her?? should i just keep going along with it or be honest with my feelings? everyday i feel more and more guilty about this . is what im doing even so wrong? i just cant help but wish i was single right now. why am i such a bad person? she doesnt deserve to have to put up with me .

MyLadyGirl Partners and relationship stress - Anyone is welcome to Discussed
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone. It's my first time posting and concerned about a situation that most men/women encounter in a relationship. If my post makes people uncomfortable and upsetting I do apologies as it's my though and some experiences that I am going through... View more

Hi Everyone. It's my first time posting and concerned about a situation that most men/women encounter in a relationship. If my post makes people uncomfortable and upsetting I do apologies as it's my though and some experiences that I am going through. All opinion are welcome but must be logic. It's all started when I read articles in Beyond Blue and learned what are people going through where everyone has their issues or problems and is encountering as part of our life. From my understanding and the experiences people out there needs help (due to various reason that in happening in their life), someone want a person to listen (like beyond blue) or someone wants to feel loved and wanting them to keep telling them that they are special and wonderful to be with. Saying that, we become motivated and having a purpose to move on (depending on the individual as not all are the same) But the problem is that people want more that leads to wanting more to heard motivation words from that person which I feel it's not wrong. But what I don't understand is that why you do not believe in yourself even though you are special and wonderful. Yes we need to hear from people first to build up that motivation and spirit but that will not sustain in long period cause there is many reason why someone will not be able to do it in long time due to various reason. It's like my partner. My partner is a wonderful loving person. Yes not all is great as there are loop holes too. He loves to help people that have problems and do not want them to encounter the same thing as he have been in the street for long time and seen lots of things. So my partner tries to help. However, people upper hand the situation where they want more attention and if not given, the person will show the true identify which I think it's wrong. Sorry to be offensive but everyone has their other life that need to take care of. What make me don't understand is that why some people get so wanting with being noticed when you don't see that in one self? Why you need some one to tell you? I know sometimes life does not treat you well but I believe that what we choose until late. I'm not perfect as I have a very bad temper and horrible jealous character towards my partner helping people that are needed and the argument is like hell. But that's what the person want and I need to understand that even if I do not like. So is that person which secretly helping about.

Lovetotravel3 Feeling worthless and emotionally drained
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family. i landed a great job 18 months ago and eve... View more

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family. i landed a great job 18 months ago and everything seemed ok until I realised it was the job from hell, my boss was an out and out bully, most staff left and I was left to do their jobs along with mine..it was draining and had a huge impact on me as a person, mother and wife..I felt trapped, my husband loved the idea of my job and wasn’t supportive of what I was going through. My son (20) attempted suicide and I found him in time for him to be admitted to hospital, the grief and fear that I’d failed as a parent was too much and I quit my job.. my husband hated me, belittled me said I was disgusting for walking out of a job and leaving him to finance our lives..I honestly felt I couldn’t win. A few months ago I started my own business in the same line of work and because it’s taking time to get off the ground he tells me to get in the real world and get a job, he calls me workshy, lazy, and that I have no respect for him. Today he called me to ask for a rundown of what I’ve been doing to pay bills? He even asked for a list of emails to check I’m actually applying for jobs ..I feel utterly useless, I have no energy to get out of bed, I hate myself, I do feel like I’ve let my family down and I feel like I can’t take anymore...

unigirl1994 No sex drive on antidepressants
  • replies: 4

Hi all. I'm not new to this site/these forums but it's the first I've spoken to someone about this issue. Since commencing my anti depressants (3 years ago) my sex drive has slowly dwindled away and I feel like it's causing major strain in my 10 year... View more

Hi all. I'm not new to this site/these forums but it's the first I've spoken to someone about this issue. Since commencing my anti depressants (3 years ago) my sex drive has slowly dwindled away and I feel like it's causing major strain in my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend. We live together and he works shift work most of the week, and has always had a high libido. So when he has time off, it's no surprise he naturally wants to have a lot of sex (which is fine) however I find it so hard to reciprocate his energy. I've just halved the dosage of my medication (after speaking to my GP) in hopes of making things better as I feel like an awful partner however not much has changed. I really wish I wanted sex more, but I just don't often feel into it these days- and I feel like he deserves better... We had a brief chat tonight and he said I need to stop forcing myself into it because it makes him feel worse. Which naturally made me cry and feel even worse about myself. Should I mention I've gained 20kg since starting anti depressants and have lost 7kg since April but still hate the way I look. I feel like he deserves someone prettier, skinnier and with a higher sex drive who isn't mentally screwed up like I am. I don't know how to change my mindset about everything. Any input would be appreciated...

triggerhappy Boundaries with my boyfriend
  • replies: 6

Hey, I am a 17 y/o girl, and my boyfriend is 16 y/o. We met towards the beginning of the year, whereby he asked me out on a date (to which I refused). He took it perfectly, and we have been decent enough friends ever since, although his feelings mode... View more

Hey, I am a 17 y/o girl, and my boyfriend is 16 y/o. We met towards the beginning of the year, whereby he asked me out on a date (to which I refused). He took it perfectly, and we have been decent enough friends ever since, although his feelings moderately persisted. Moving forward to a month ago, I asked him out as I had developed feelings for him over time and morphed into an established relationship perhaps two weeks ago. I felt like we had a nice synergy going on, both being intelligent and respectful humans. Once we became sexually active together it was all well and good, but gradually he became pushier whenever he became aroused and I wasn't in the mood. If I say no he'll listen and be sweet about it all, but still pressures me as he gets over-stimulated when I am in his company. Anyhow, yesterday evening we were just chilling at his house, and I was just having a casual yet assertive conversation with him about how I will be busy for the next fortnight with work and the need to buckle down on it. This naturally led to compassionate cuddling, kissing, etc.. although I wasn't quite in the mood for anything more given how exhausted I was at the time. We go to bed cuddling, then he starts to ramp things up a little, and I politely remind him I am really not in the mood but am all for affection. Fall asleep for a few hours (I am a deep sleeper). I wake up (half awake at least) to him crossing my boundaries. I really don’t know how to feel; certainly pissed and have felt stuck and unable to think critically. On the other hand, I feel like I am overthinking things. I am overreacting? My boyfriend is genuinely a kind person who cares for me, and I feel like his views on boundaries are distorted, perhaps? All I know is that I feel highly uncomfortable. Could do with some insight.