Husband Has Told Me He No Longer Loves Me

[Mel83]

Three nights ago my husband of 10yrs and partner of 18yrs, told me he no longer loves me and took his stuff and left. We are both 37 and have two teenage boys and my heart is breaking. This was completely unexpected. I have an appt with my counsellor in 4 days but am struggling at the moment. I tried to tell him I will do whatever I can to be a better wife but he won’t listen. We have a mortgage and he has said myself and the boys will keep staying here as normal but I know at some point that will change. I haven’t really eaten in 3 days and when I think about the future and how I will cope I feel like I can’t manage. I feel so alone, even though I have friends for support.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Mel83,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for showing your strength in reaching out here for support. We understand that it is not easy to share these thoughts and feelings, but it is so important that you have. We're so sorry to hear about what has happened between you and your partner. It sounds like it was quite a shock for you and we understand that after your partner being a part of your life for so long it must be a huge change for you to cope with. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar experiences and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.

It's great to hear that you have booked an appointment with your counsellor. We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. We recognise that this must be an overwhelming situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that if you'd like to talk these feelings through before your appointment, please know that there is always help available to you.

You can reach out to the friendly counsellors at our Support Service, anytime, on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

Our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are also there for you 24/7 whenever things are feeling too overwhelming to cope with.

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.







 

[Betternow]

Good morning Mel

As Sophie has suggested, take advantage of the telephone counselling services, don’t battle against your feelings alone.

Many of the readers and responders to this forum have been in the same or similar situation as you so you will receive a sympathetic and non judgmental ear.

Having a spouse abruptly walk out on a marriage as about the most hurtful event any married person can experience so your confusion and pain are well justified.

Remember that you can’t control your husband's actions or feelings. Please don’t beg him to stay or allow yourself to feel guilty by promising to be “ a better wife”. This is NOT your fault.

There are no words that can lift the darkness of your anguish but there are several steps you can take to improve your confidence.

Try and find the time to do some vigorous physical exercise. Is there someone who can look after your sons so you can get out if the house?

Eat well, please don’t rely on wine to numb your feelings.

Try and stay positive around your sons (I know this is very difficult). They will be feeling uncertain of their futures too.

I’m glad your seeing a counsellor soon. Please get back here if you need to “chat” over the weekend, as I know from experience the weekends seem somehow to be the worst for rumination.

[Mel83]

Thank you for your advice. I feel like I will never ever be able to stop this pain. I have been trying to get out of the house when I can buy a simple trip to coles this morning ended in tears. I’m finding it extremely hard to be positive around my boys, which is making me feel even more guilty. I just wish I knew when these feelings of pain and despair will end. I feel like I can’t get out of bed and the simplest of tasks are extremely hard. I don’t see an end to these feelings.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. I am saddened to hear what happened to you. Both Sophie_M and Betternow have provided excellent information in their posts. My only addition is the loss you would likely be feeling now with a large part of your life having gone for apparently unknown reason and so your feelings are natural at this time. It must have been a shock at the time. Please know your friends will support at this time. And try to look after yourself.