Hi clarinevium
My heart goes out to you so much as you work so hard to manage the challenges you've experienced and felt so deeply over the years up until now.
With those marriage vows, I don't think a lot of us consider what the '...in sickness and in health...' part of it can fully mean. We typically don't go into marriage thinking 'No probs, I can do the mental health stuff. It'll be a breeze'. Mental health issues can sometimes be the greatest challenge we will ever face in our marriage. And while it's understandable how completely exhausted our partner can become while helping us manage this aspect of our health, I believe it's also about their development or self development (including the much needed skills and abilities they develop over time). If they are simply hoping we 'get better' or we eventually 'work it all out', that's never going to be enough. Waiting is just not enough. They need to manage how they and their partner move through the challenges that can come. The ability to feel the need for guidance is such an important one to develop. Whether that includes seeking guidance for us, for themself, for the relationship or all 3, it can be a key ability that comes in handy at any time in life (not just in times of crisis).
Speaking from a matter of fact point of view, my intention is in no way to slam my husband. Just stating the facts that have gifted me insight when it comes to how some partners may be. Btw, I've worked hard through a lot of emotions over the years in my marriage to get to this 'matter of fact' stage. It's a matter of fact that he has never felt what the absolute depths of depression feels like. He has no reference for my feelings at times, when I find myself in the depths of a depression. It's a matter of fact that he does not like to feel great sadness and a lot of the other intensely challenging feelings that can come with a depression. He tries not to get a deeper feel for them because they're painful, therefor he can't deeply feel for me, as a consequence. It's a matter of fact that he's not into all that soulful 'woo woo' stuff, so he's not going to be the one to guide me while helping me figure out 1)what's soul destroying and 2)a more soulful path ahead that will serve me. He's definitely not one of my guides when it comes the 'woo woo' and it's a shame because that's largely the kinda stuff that raises me. Our way of thinking is very different in some ways. Our way of feeling is very different in some ways. We're very different in a number of ways and this can create a sense of disconnect at times. I'm wondering whether your husband cannot connect through what he just can't relate to, as opposed to helping establish some form of connection he and you can relate to or through.
When reading of Summer Rose's connection to her daughter, through that connection or channel of love, devotion, commitment, determination and longing to raise her daughter, she expresses herself and her ability to serve and feel for others. Through that she can also feel for both yourself and your husband, while offering sage words of advice and guidance. Can definitely be challenging to feel through a channel or connection that feels like it holds nothing but a sense of exhaustion. It can have an incredibly 'flat' feel to it. From my own experience with that feeling, I don't believe we're designed to feel flat for extensive periods of time. 'Flat' typically tells us there's something wrong which needs our attention.
