My Mum

[Bluepandaaa]

I don't know if my mum is going through a rough patch at the moment or something but she keeps saying things and I don't know if she truly means them or not. She constantly calls me lazy and useless and has told me on multiple occasions that if she could go back in time she wouldn't have me, she also sometimes just refuses to take care of us by getting us dinner or the things we need for school if we have done something to annoy her but she refuses to tell us what we have done and just says she doesn't want to be our parent anymore. She also doesn't defend us to our Father as he told me once that my ex boyfriend leaving me on read for days at a time meant that I obviously wasn't worth it and that he couldn't blame him. She also threatens my younger sibling with the fact that 'She wouldn't wanna turn out like her older sibling right?'  Another thing she has done is purposely went out and bought my favourite food and cooked it but told me I hadn't done anything to deserve it.

Anyway that's only kind of scratching the surface of what she's like.

Any ideas on what to do?

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Bluepandaaa,

I just wanted to send you some support. I had very similar things said to me by my parents growing up so I do know how hurtful it can feel. It could well be that your mother is not coping well, and perhaps your dad too. While that may give some explanation for their behaviour, it still doesn’t make the behaviour ok. Certainly with my parents they weren’t coping well and had unaddressed mental health issues.

What could be helpful for you right now is getting some support and validation for yourself. Your feelings matter and it can help to have someone else recognise that. A first step could be contacting somewhere like Kids Helpline who help young people up until the age of 25. Their number is 1800 551 800. But also looking at their website may be helpful. I don’t know your age, but they have info there for different age brackets, and some of that may be useful in relation to your situation.

Another option could be to speak to a school counsellor/psychologist/chaplain, whatever kind of support may exist at your school. I’m assuming you are in high school but correct me if I’m wrong. If you prefer being more anonymous to start with then Kids Helpline might be a good start.

What is really important is you knowing you are a worthy person and the comments being directed at you are coming from your parent’s issues and are not actually about you. I know I have had to learn to separate myself from the things said to me growing up. It’s challenging of course to deal with in your home environment. Sometimes you can reasonably address these issues directly with parents but sometimes that doesn’t go very well, as I found, so that’s why external sources of support and validation can be very helpful in supporting you to stay grounded and know the issue is not with you.

We are here to listen if you need to talk more. Take care.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing this. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this and what you have described is deeply hurtful and confusing, and it’s not okay. Being called names, having care withheld, or being told a parent doesn’t want to be a parent anymore can be incredibly damaging, especially when it happens again and again. None of this is your fault!

It makes sense that you’d feel unsure what to do when the rules keep changing and you’re blamed without being told why. That kind of unpredictability can leave anyone feeling on edge. You deserve to feel safe, cared for, and respected in your own home.

Because of what you’ve shared, it’s really important you don’t have to carry this on your own. Kids Helpline is available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 or via webchat at https://kidshelpline.com.au. You can talk confidentially with a counsellor about what’s been happening and get help thinking through next steps. They’re very used to supporting young people in family situations like this.

If you have a trusted adult, a school counsellor, teacher, relative, or family friend. Reaching out to them could also help you get support and make sure your basic needs are being met. If at any point you feel unsafe or are being neglected, it’s okay to ask for urgent help by calling 000.

You’re welcome to keep talking here too. You matter, and you don’t deserve to be treated this way.

Take care,
Sophie M