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I'm in a rut

Community Member
In 2015 I left an abuse marriage. It's taken a long time but I'm financially stable and have my 2 boys 4 and 6 full time both have autism and ADHD. I work parttime. My parents help with the kids when I work. I tried finding a relationship last year only to have the guy break my heart yet again. When life got tough everyone except my parents abandoned me. I've just deactivated fb today I find I use it to take my mind of my situation by looking at the happiness of others online. I cant help but wonder why things happened the way they did. I find myself procrastinating all day when I'm not working and I just become snowed under with cleaning. I'm 38 soon the the loneliness and sadness is exhausting.
6 Replies 6

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lilcherub,

Congratulations on leaving your ex and getting yourself and your kids into a stable place. That is amazing.

Also it's great that your parents were and are there to support you. It's hard when our friends seem to abandon us during the most difficult times. I think a lot of the time they just don't know how to react so they keep their distance.

I'm a mum too and I understand the rut. I've just started taking up dance classes, which I used to do before the baby. I found that getting out just for 2 hours a week and talking to grown ups NOT about kids really helps me feel normal again. Do you get any time to yourself? Have you looked into respite care?

Please keep using the forum if you need/want to.

Kind thoughts, Jess

The only respite I found was for a person to look after the kids while I'm out in our own home I dont feel comfortable with that. My me time is for a few hours every second weekend while my children visit their dad. He refuses to have the over night. In almost 7 years I've had 3 child free nights when I was in hospital does that count Haha. Only other free time I get I go to work. My time will come once both kids are school aged next year.

The worst is when my children are in bed at night I usually end up doing house work or scrolling aimlessly through fb. Seeing how happy people seem sends my thoughts into over drive. I'm almost 38 everyone seems to be living the dream...I cant help think how lonely I will be once my children are grown.

Hopefully it gets a bit easier for you next year when they are at school.

It is never too late to find another partner. My mum found hers at 50 after 2 divorces & 4 kids! Now she is loving being a grandma.

Good on you for deleting facebook. Try to remember that no-one ever puts up the bad stuff. They only ever write/photograph the stuff that makes their lives look great. You can tell by this forum that there are lots of people who prefer to only talk about their mental health issues anonymously.



That's lovely news about your mum. I hope I dont have to wait until 50 to meet someone. In saying that that's only 12 years away lol. I guess I miss having someone to talk about my day with at night (my work is emotionally exhausting at times, I'm a nurse). I miss the intimacy not meaning just the sexual side of things but having someone to just be there. School is back next week and kinder the week after. As much as my boys are my everything some much deserved me time will be nice, at times I forget who I am feels like all I've become is a mum if that makes sense. Im dealing with a heap of bottled up emotions (ive recently taken myself off meds I felt like they just marked my pain...its actually nice to feel again)...I appreciate your response.

Hi Lilcherub,

Everyone needs someone to 'debrief' with after work. I also work in a high stress job and I very much understand what you mean.

It does make sense. My son is only 1 year old but I have noticed this year that all the things I used to like to do for myself I don't have time for anymore. I feel like that too! Like I have no identify except being a mum.

I came off medication a few years ago for the same reasons. When I was on them I didn't feel really depressed, but I also never felt really happy. It's been 3 years now and I'm doing pretty well off them. But I did need to spend a bit more time with my psychologist to build up some techniques to cope with the bad days without meds.