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Sick daughter, live interstate, not managing

Community Member
So my depression is up, and my anxiety too, I feel like I have reached the end. My oldest daughter who lives interstate is in hospital. An illness she had as a teenager has come back and now it looks as if she will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life and not able to walk. I feel so far away from her and finances do not allow me to visit. I feel so helpless and useless. I asked her do you want me to come and visit and she said no she's fine but as a mother it tugs at my heartstrings. She has a loving husband, two adult children and I know they're supporting her. But it doesn't stop me feeling as if I'm letting her down, after all she is my child regardless of age and I can't do anything to help her. I don't know where to turn or what to do I feel so lost. I have hardly slept alright since this happened it's now almost 6 weeks. I get up and go through the motions everyday but I just worry constantly about her and how she is truly managing. She sounds bright bubbly she tells me she's doing ok but how much of that is just talk. my lack of sleep my lack of eating my depression anxiety and other mental health issues are all building and I'm worried about where he's headed. I've been down to suicide path before I keep telling myself it'll all get better, it'll all work out, it'll all be OK but I don't know. I don't have anyone I can talk to. My fear of going out in public, strangers is so high I am socially isolated. On top of all this my ex husband lives near her and all I hear from him is how I'm not there for her and he and his new wife are. I'm scared not only for my daughter but for myself I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I have to do more for myself than I am but I have no energy. I spent my days worrying constantly. I know she has specialists, doctors and medical care as well as her family but......
2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Living57,

It does sound like you are in an unenviable situation regarding not being able to be with your daughter when you long to be there.

It is wonderful your daughter has a lot of support. It sounds like you care deeply for her, that is very important and special. Some people just don't have that from anyone.

Can you consider ways you can of support from a distance? Maybe send your daughter encouraging messages, have a chat on the phone, remind her how much you love her and care for her, you might like to purchase a special card and send it to her.

I have a dear friend who lives overseas, she has been of a great comfort to me through some really tough times in my life. Just knowing that she cares means the world to me. Your daughter knows your situation and knows how much you love her.

So how can we help and encourage you with your depression? Are there things you usually enjoy doing that you can try to reintroduce? How about having a cup of tea out in the garden?

Do you like to read? Go for a walk? Go for a drive?

Hopefully sharing how you are feeling here may help you. I know people here have certainly helped me. Lately I have been in a very deep dark pit! It is tough! Some days I feel like I really need to fioght hard to do anything. In the end it is worth it!

Today I am going for a drive to the library and I am going to have a walk around in a plant nursery for a while. I am sure there will be lots of plants in flower.

Is there something different you could do today?

Wishing you a little peace and comfort.

Cheers to you from Dools

Community Member

Well things are getting so much worse. Trying to keep my life together and the demons at bay, I am still trying to get to my daughter interstate. I dont know what to do and I am mentally exhausted, let alone physically from my own health problems.

I set up a go fund me page explained everything, not a response, not a single one. I was told you need someone to do it for you, but I dont know if that's true or not.

I was offered a car for $4k, the asking is $10k, but they will drop it for me given my circumstance. I tried the go fund me, but since then, I have tried to get a loan, he ha I'm on a pension, no body wants to help me, not banks or quick fix loans, nothing.

My daughter needs me, she is not financial.

And I'm struggling, struggling with daily living, wanting to be with her, knowing she wants me, she has asked me, please can I get to her, struggling financially as I try to penny pinch to get the cash.

I don't know where else to turn.

My mental health is taking a hiding, I struggle with wishing I was no longer here, knowing that's not the answer, it wouldn't help her or me, and would cause her more stress. My physical health is suffering, my sleep is overridden with anxiety and panic and almost none existent. I cry so much.

I'm so totally lost and overwhelmed with guilt at not being there with her, but I dont know what I can do.

I've talked to my psych about it, trying to undo some of the anxiety, to let it go a bit. I've spoken to my counsellor and my doctor.

I've tried to sell my engagement and wedding rings from my late husband, but the offers are so low, not worth considering. I've looked around at what else I could sell to help me raise the funds I need.

I'm so desperate. I dont know what to do. I have no bestie I can talk to, I rarely leave my house due to my mental health problems. I am isolated and lonely.

Can anybody relate to what I am going through. I feel as if I am the only one.

Does anybody have any ideas or suggestions, I hope so because I have run out of ideas.

Sorry for complaining, but this site is my area to talk things out, to try and make sense of it all.

Thank you for 'listening'