Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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DylanS Boderline Personality Disorder Relationship Breakdown
  • replies: 7

Hi All, About 5 months ago my BPD partner ended our relationship. I have contacted her twice via text since then but got no response from the last one. I am wondering if I should continue to try to reach out to her or stop. I don't want to distress h... View more

Hi All, About 5 months ago my BPD partner ended our relationship. I have contacted her twice via text since then but got no response from the last one. I am wondering if I should continue to try to reach out to her or stop. I don't want to distress her but I do miss and think about her a lot and can't seem to get over her. Is it likely that I am upsetting her by messaging more than anything else? I don't want her to think she isn't loveable and important but if at this point I am completely devalued would my messages have more of a negative than positive impact?

loz-grace Don't want to give up on my depressed ex
  • replies: 3

I have been in a very happy relationship with this guy (he's 36, I'm 25). Both of us have suffered from depression in the past. Recently his business has started to fail. He broke off our relationship saying that even though there was a lot of feelin... View more

I have been in a very happy relationship with this guy (he's 36, I'm 25). Both of us have suffered from depression in the past. Recently his business has started to fail. He broke off our relationship saying that even though there was a lot of feeling involved still, he didn't want to put me through his ups and downs over the next few months. He emphasised that we should still stay in close contact, and that he really wanted to be friends still. We kept up messaging but he essentially withdrew completely from seeing everyone, including me. A few months later I saw him again for the first (extended) period of time (he had kept putting it off,there was also a death in the family), and he became pretty emotional, saying that he felt very uncomfortable around his closest mates. He was pretty pessimistic about his situation. He said he still had very strong feelings for me, but that he couldn't see any possibility of a relationship, but again implored me to keep in contact with him, and said he couldn't bear it if I went out of his life. Since then contact with him has been sporadic. I message him a few times a week, just wanting to provide a distraction for him. I believe he has Asperger's (undiagnosed) as well and do not know how to approach the topic with him, since I feel he has pushed me away a lot. In the month since I saw him in person (I went away for a while to give him space) he has become even more withdrawn and very manic, and despite our on-and-off again contact he still is keen to make time for me, though he does have days and weeks at a time where he can't bear to see anyone. His work situation is dire, and I am worried about how distant and frenzied he has become to the point where he doesn't seem recognisable. I love this guy very deeply. Since we broke up things have become drastically worse with no sign of improvement, and I am at a loss now with what to do. I never want to give up on him, but lately it seems no-one can actually bring him back, and that he has no desire to seek help. I want to talk to him but I am also fearful of pushing him further away. Not sure what to do

Cindy_looloo Confused
  • replies: 4

I have been married for 15 years and with my husband for 18, We met in high school I fell pregnant and we stayed together. My husband had a gf before me they were in the same group of friends, they drifted after I fell pregnant. When my husband took ... View more

I have been married for 15 years and with my husband for 18, We met in high school I fell pregnant and we stayed together. My husband had a gf before me they were in the same group of friends, they drifted after I fell pregnant. When my husband took me home to meet his family, they compared me to his ex and told me she was better suited. I told my husband this made me feel uncomfortable. When we had our daughter that night he went home I tried to call him as I was having a melt down and his phone was engaged for hours, the next day i found out he was on phone to his ex for hours because he felt overwhelmed and needed to talk to someone, she even came into the hospital and they cooed over our daughter together, we argued and I said I didn’t like it, as far as I know he hadn’t seen her since. When he joined fb years ago I saw he added her as a friend and we argued about it, I bit my tongue and just let it go and sarcastically said well you should just go for coffee then. Last week I found they have been private messaging for years. He will message things like “ I just heard this song and thought of you so thought I’d say hi” he invites her for coffee, asked if she really did sleep with the guy that broke them up, all these texts are when I’ve been at work. I knew nothing about them. He then text her saying he’s just been listening to their favourite song and thinks about what they used to have and yes sorry for hurting her all those years ago. He had major back surgery last year and I spent every day in hospital comforting him and helping him, I now see that as soon as I left he was texting her saying how **** he feels. I confronted him he says she’s just a friend but I don’t get that. Am I wrong to feel betrayed by any of this?

Brittles Moving on
  • replies: 1

Hi all. My partner of 11 years left in January. We didn't have a great relationship for quite a few years. We have 2 kids together now 8 and 4. I had a 7 year old when we met. When he left he said he got his own place an hour away. I was glad because... View more

Hi all. My partner of 11 years left in January. We didn't have a great relationship for quite a few years. We have 2 kids together now 8 and 4. I had a 7 year old when we met. When he left he said he got his own place an hour away. I was glad because I just wanted him to go as it was affecting our kids. I was however worried about finances as he was the main income earner and I'm a low income worker. We only talked via text and we eventually decided on shared care 50/50. I applied for parenting payment and child support. This however took forever. I was in a financial mess. I thought he would be more supportive. I got a letter from the real estate saying the rent wasn't paid, he said he'd cover that. 2 weeks later our cars got repossessed that were in his name. I found out that he got a personal loan in 2012 and had the cars as an asset, without my knowledge and he hadn't been paying it off. In this time I find out he actually moved in with a woman and her 2 kids whom he met in September last year. He was now driving her old car and she got a new 7 seater car which he said later is her work car. So there I was no car, no money, 4 weeks rent to pay and in total disbelief as to what's happened. In February he would message me saying to come pick him and the kids up, there's been an incident with her kids. I said basically suck it up. He started messaging me saying he loves me, charming me which eventually lead to sleeping together. This went on for 2 months. I put a stop to it. It was affecting me so much. I hit rock bottom. I was so confused. I hated that I let him take advantage of me. I wanted him home even knowing it would never work. He was using me. I eventually told him I would tell his new girlfriend what's been happening. I had plenty of evidence. He started paying me back the debts he put me in. To shut me up lol. But it's helping. He is now also in a bad place regretting how he handled things. I'm forgiving but he needs to be accountable. I'm doing really well now, but I want to meet with this woman who my kids are with half the time. I want to forgive and move on. I know this woman is a decent person. I think my kids will benefit from this knowing that we as adults are getting along. We don't have to hang out lol but at least it will be a start and no matter what's happened in the past we can move on and not have this hanging over our heads. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it pan out? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you xx

Carebear78 A feeling of loss
  • replies: 6

My sons girlfriend recently had an abortion. My son came to tell me she was pregnant, and just as I got excited, he then told me she was getting an abortion. My belief is that every woman has their choice, but man was it hard when it was my grandchil... View more

My sons girlfriend recently had an abortion. My son came to tell me she was pregnant, and just as I got excited, he then told me she was getting an abortion. My belief is that every woman has their choice, but man was it hard when it was my grandchild! Then i find out it was twins!! She is completely happy because she didn’t want to have to give up football or her other sports, but I don’t think she realised what she just did. How do I get past this? In my beliefs, she just killed two children because she didn’t practice safe sex. Yet it was her choice. I’m so devastated but I showed support to them through the whole thing. My husband has been great, but I don’t think he understands how much this hurts me. How do I get past this?!

needhelpplease1 Am I in the wrong for not tolerating this? [GF issues with EX-BF]
  • replies: 5

Hey guys. (I'm 20, my GF is 21) I'm currently in a one year relationship with my long distance girlfriend. Her ex-boyfriend is extremely abusive (has mentally, physically, and sexually abused her in the recent past (past 6 months)), they have a child... View more

Hey guys. (I'm 20, my GF is 21) I'm currently in a one year relationship with my long distance girlfriend. Her ex-boyfriend is extremely abusive (has mentally, physically, and sexually abused her in the recent past (past 6 months)), they have a child together which means it's extremely hard for her to get away from him. We have worked (throughout our entire relationship) on getting him moved out of her parents place (which eventually happened and things drastically improved), as well as just getting him out of her life as he is just so damn right abusive. He was beginning to get over her and slowly get more and more distant, not caring about what she does. Today, she let me know she has been stressing about getting custody of her child and is considering making a deal with him to let him live with her (as he got kicked out of his current residence) on the terms that he signs over full custody of the child to her. I did not agree whatsoever. Neither of us know much about custody, although I would think she could put in some effort to getting a job and getting some money behind her so she could afford an attorney and getting full custody that way (as it's extremely clear he's an unfit parent currently) What do you guys think of this situation? It's extremely frustrating and I feel very betrayed as she's willing to erase all her progress and just allow someone so toxic back into her environment, putting herself in danger. Thank you very much.

Ilovemycathaha Unhappy but too scared to break up
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He goes to school overseas so I see him about 4 months a year. when he is overseas we are happy and we text and FaceTime. When we are together we are happy. When he is at home and we arent together or ... View more

Hi all. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He goes to school overseas so I see him about 4 months a year. when he is overseas we are happy and we text and FaceTime. When we are together we are happy. When he is at home and we arent together or haven't seen each other for 3+ days ; we tend to fight. he doesn't make a lot of effort to see me and when he does he makes it out to be a chore. He also sees another girl who he claims to be a best friend but they see each other almost more than he sees me. im unhappy and I've expressed it to him at times but he never apologies etc. i think we are better off apart. i know what going thru an important /long length relationship break up is like and it's scary . I'm scared. I don't like change.. what do I do? The thought of him with another girl makes me sick

Jamie_Jones My partner has depression, and I have an impossible decision
  • replies: 8

My second attempt at posting, the first was too long Sorry if It jumps a bit here and there. Shortened version. If you can stick out the long read, I could really use your help, advice, opinions, experience and thoughts. Ive been with my partner for ... View more

My second attempt at posting, the first was too long Sorry if It jumps a bit here and there. Shortened version. If you can stick out the long read, I could really use your help, advice, opinions, experience and thoughts. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. In the last 6 months he started showing signs on depression. A lot has happened since then. In the last few days we've had a couple of serious conversations about our relationship, but I feel like we're now going in circles. I tell him what I feel is missing, what I want from the r/s, he says he needs more time, he can't deal with both the depression and the r/s, he can't picture the same future we used to talk about because it's a struggle for him to get out of bed in the morning, to WANT to get out of bed, so if he doesn't even know day to day whether he'll want to wake up, how could he possibly know what he's going to want long term? At the conclusion of these talks, it gets to a point where I say that it seems like we're calling it quits. He can't do what I need for the r/s to work for me. I go to leave. He stops me. The first time it was "we'll make steps to get us back on track" it was what I wanted to hear. We made a date to talk about it more. On this next date, he can't/won't do what I need for the r/s to work. He gets mad that I want to know how he is trying to deal with the depression. He tells me to leave. I do, but he chases after me, hugs me. We set another date to talk about it...that is where I am at. I love him. I want to support him. I want him to get better (I know this can't be 'cured' or 'fixed', but managed to a point he's happy again?) But...how can I continue with the relationship not knowing if he'll ever get better? Not knowing if he'll ever get back to a point where he'll be ready for us to get married and start a family like we used to talk about. If he used to feel that way, and used to want those things, is it still possible he can feel that way again and want those things again? And if that is possible, how can I not be afraid that later down the track we're not back in this situation, but in deeper, and have children to worry about. Some big IF's here, but if we do continue this relationship, and if he does get better, how can I overcome that constant worry that I'm sure will always be there, that he might sink back into depression? But...how can I leave him when he is at his lowest point? Possibly when he needs a me most? When I know he doesn't want me to.

CraigC my depression and anxiety has overwhelmed me and caused me to insult a best friend
  • replies: 5

my wife and i just returned from a trip to bali with her best friend and a small group of her friends on the first day, i organised a sunrise trek up a volcano for the girls and I and they all loved it. I felt ok if not good. When we came back to the... View more

my wife and i just returned from a trip to bali with her best friend and a small group of her friends on the first day, i organised a sunrise trek up a volcano for the girls and I and they all loved it. I felt ok if not good. When we came back to the resort i couldnt figure out why i felt so sad and nothingness and this built up during the day to the point that i couldnt cope and yelled at my wife for no reason. That night i got so drunk that i left the group at a bar and started to walk back to the resort. 8km from the bar ....somehow i managed to fall and sprain my ankle and in a drunken state i messaged some of the group to help but no one did. I had a mental attack and cried my eyes out ...it took me 3 hours to get back to the room (why did i decide to walk home, why didnt i get a cab, why didnt i stay with the group.....i wasnt thinking rationally, i was in a state where i thought everyone hated me and i needed to leave) the next day I decided that i wasnt going to do any activities with the group and stay in my room. My wife told me im ruining her holiday and was angry We had organised another night out at an expensive restaurant and i didnt want to go. My wife went although asking if i was ok, i said i was and that i wanted her to go That night i got drunk in my room and texted her best friend telling her that i hated her and that she was selfish and didnt have my back when i was out alone. i now think that was a panic attack and i immediately regretted that message and apologised via a message the next day. so far she hasnt replied and avoided us when we checked out . i think that a 20 yr friendship has been lost and im devastated to the point that i feel hatred towards myself. what can i do ? i feel helpless

CM91 Together to long?
  • replies: 7

Hi I'm new to this but I am desperate. My husband and I have been together 11 years and two years married. We got together when I was 15 and he was 21. We have a child and a baby on the way. so from the very start my husband has mentally abused me bu... View more

Hi I'm new to this but I am desperate. My husband and I have been together 11 years and two years married. We got together when I was 15 and he was 21. We have a child and a baby on the way. so from the very start my husband has mentally abused me but being a 15 year old I didn't know any better and thought that was how relationships are. Fast forward 5 years in and being 19/20. I got friends that I opened up to and told me that this isn't right. (he doesn't share money, the food he buys is his, I'm not aloud to watch chocolate because it makes me fat {if I do get chocolate he breaks a row off for me and puts the packet away} these were some of the 5 mark issues) so I cheated and I didn't hide the fact I cheated deep down I wanted him to know. I tried to break up with him and he told me NO and that he loves me. So I continued on with the relationship. I'm now 26 a stay at home mum with no friends because he doesn't like me having friends so he drives them away. I don't have any family that lives any closer then 5hrs, I have never paid a bill in my life as any money I get he takes and pays all the bills. I don't get any money from centrelink and I don't work so my bank account is sitting on $10 and he doesn't give me any money. If I want makeup (I wear twice a year) or sanity products my mum buys them for me and posts them up. I wanted to put my son in swimming lessons and he flat out said we have no money. He is always buying tools and take away for himself. he has never been romantic and has never written me a card. For mothers day this year I got him to buy a $15 Kmart blanket and thats all I got. My day went on as usual. I don't know if it's the pregnancy but today Ive had enough, I can't leave because of the kids and also he will twist the story to family and say its because I cheated. He knew I did and decided to stay, but know one knows my story because to everyone else he acts like he's the perfect husband and father. Not a loud to do normal every day life has me confined to the house and I have anxiety and a fear of leaving and even talking on the phone. I haven't told a Dr any of this as I am to scared. I just don't know what else to do and I feel like giving up on life.