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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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PalmTree24 Supporting a husband with depression- or a bad attitude?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, My husband has always struggled to be happy. He has always been moody, can be quite aggressive (verbally, not physically) and almost slightly delusional at times (constantly insinuates that I’m cheating on him, that I over-exaggerate stories,... View more

Hi all, My husband has always struggled to be happy. He has always been moody, can be quite aggressive (verbally, not physically) and almost slightly delusional at times (constantly insinuates that I’m cheating on him, that I over-exaggerate stories, that I make up things that he has said). He says I have no idea about real problems that people face (given what he has seen in his job as a police officer). He has his toys (2 motorbikes, 5 bicycles, water-skis, PlayStations, a $35000 car that we had to borrow money off his parents for, two bbqs), but I had to force him to agree to buy the kids some play equipment and take a family holiday. He dislikes doing the mundane chores that come with owning a house and having kids, will rarely pitch in, or when he does he acts like he has hung the moon. He has told me before that he disliked being a parent- not the kids, but the actual tasks associated with being a parent and has very little patience for the kids. He acknowledges that he does not do much, but does nothing to change this. He is on antidepressants for a depression diagnosis, which I forced him to go and get with threats, but is always able to get himself motivated to hang out and drink with his friends, or exercise- just not when it comes to his responsibilities as a parent. When I point this out, he denies it and claims that I’m unsupportive and should be thinking of him more. He complains about me not being affectionate and not having a sex life, when for three- four years of our marriage he had no sex drive at all- I never made him feel bad about this. I was completely understanding but now it’s my fault it never happens. He makes snide comments about it, even though I’m so busy acting as a working, single parent that I am not sure where I’m meant to find the time or the inclination- also points I have brought up with him. He can turn any argument in his favour even when he is in the wrong and rarely takes fault or blame in any situation. We have been through marriage counselling, and it got better for a while, but now it has just gone back to how we were. He also does not believe that he requires any psychological intervention. I am just wondering- when does a depression diagnosis simply act as an excuse for bad behaviour? The thought of not being with him now fills me with a sense of weightlessness, but I’m racked with guilt at the thought of abandoning someone who might have some real problems. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated!

Acto Breakup
  • replies: 3

Hello, I am going through an extremely emotional breakup with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. It hurts to breathe, I can't eat, sleep is fleeting. I don't know how to act, what to do or say, how to stop crying. I feel numb, yet the heartbreak is ... View more

Hello, I am going through an extremely emotional breakup with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. It hurts to breathe, I can't eat, sleep is fleeting. I don't know how to act, what to do or say, how to stop crying. I feel numb, yet the heartbreak is coursing through my body. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. I suffer from extreme anxiety. I push people away to protect myself from the inevitable. Its easier to be alone so I self sabotage. When all I really want is to be hugged and told everything is going to be alright. I overthink everything. It is crippling and exhausting and makes me doubt everything. It makes me question everything. My anxiety tells me tgat I'm not good enough, not worthy. That I don't deserve to be loved. He is a head chef. Long days and nights spent by myself, with my thoughts. He gave up. He stopped trying. He let me do all the housework, do all the cooking. He let me put in all the effort and then told me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore. Thats why I put the walls up. Now I don't think I can ever let them down again. I am broken. Destroyed. He was my end game. I never wanted to have kids, he changed that. I wanted it all. The wedding, the house, the kids. But he gave up, he showed me that I wasn't worth trying for.

Puppies Father who drinks and my anxiety
  • replies: 21

Hi , So for as long as I can remember, my dad has been a drinker. I’ve never really wanted to admit any of this so I’ve never written it down or spoken about it (except to my partner), so this is hard for me to do. My dad works a stressful job, and h... View more

Hi , So for as long as I can remember, my dad has been a drinker. I’ve never really wanted to admit any of this so I’ve never written it down or spoken about it (except to my partner), so this is hard for me to do. My dad works a stressful job, and he drinks basically every night. I would say he drinks a lot (bottles at a time). Sometimes he becomes quite happy, but other times he gets angry about things that happened years ago and he seems to go on and on and yells and it just makes my anxiety skyrocket, to the point where I have what I think are panic attacks. He mostly takes his anger out on my mum. He can be a not nice person when he’s been drinking, and often the next day won’t remember things that have happened or been said. My partner and I are still long distance and I’ve been finding that when I’m at my partners house I get anxiety of a night time because I’m not sure whether my dad is angry or has been drinking etc and is taking it out on my mum. I find that I often (every night) text my mum asking if things are ok with her and my dad. Ironically I had a catch up talk with my dad in the last day when I came back from visiting my partner. I actually mentioned to him about how I noticed I get anxious around people who are drinking, and I specifically mentioned a recent time where I was at a concert with my partners sister. He asked me if I get anxious in those situations (where people are drinking and getting loud) because of his drinking and his yelling. So he’s obviously aware, yet doesn’t seem to do anything about it. There have been multiple times where he’d say he’d quit drinking or that it’ll be his last drink (I believe he can stop because he has been able to for a few periods of time), but it doesn’t seem to be long lasting because then he gets stressed again. I don’t like the way he treats my mum (when drinking), regardless of the situation in their relationship. If I was treated that way in a relationship then I would not be happy. I just get confused because in the past my partner and I went through difficult times and my dad had some things to say about me deserving better, yet I don’t see that happening for my mum. I’m lost and confused and anxious right no because another argument occurred tonight. I don’t know if I have the right to tell my dad that I don’t agree with how things are brought up, or if I should deal with it and just let them sort it (even though it occurs often).

Shellyem Need advice 😓
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m just wanting outside opinions on a situation I am currently involved in. A close friend of mine has recently become engaged and has honored me by asking me to be a bridesmaid. I was over whelmed and excited and of course said yes, I mean it’s... View more

Hi, I’m just wanting outside opinions on a situation I am currently involved in. A close friend of mine has recently become engaged and has honored me by asking me to be a bridesmaid. I was over whelmed and excited and of course said yes, I mean it’s an amazing thing to be a part of. But here is the issue. This friend and I met through my sister, they were best friends in highschool and I would hang around with them at sleep overs etc.. they’ve had a rocky relationship and we’re constantly on and off but me wanting to keep the peace I stayed in contact with both. I’m close with my sister and I’m also close with this friend. This Friend has helped me in many ways emotionally and Mentally. I don’t want to upset anyone with my decision on saying yes or having to decline being a bridesmaid but I asked my mum for her opinion and felt judged and lectured. She thinks it’s wrong I was asked in the first place and basically told me I needed to chose a relationship over the matter at hand and said if it were her and this was her decision no way would she accept.I asked her how do I bring this up with my sister and what’s the right way to go about it then? She couldn’t answer. I in no way want to disrespect my sister, but I do feel this will probably hurt her. My anxiety has been sky high with thinking about the right path to take, i don’t know what’s right or wrong in this situation and it’s really keeping me up at night. How do I talk to my sister about this? Do I bring this up with my friend and explain my concerns? I’m feeling confused and scared as to what the outcomes will be because either way I feel like my relationship with my sister or with my friend won’t be the same. I would love a strangers point of view on this. Please any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you.

Ileanaf My husband left me and my baby suffers from the separation
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I would like to tell you my story. I’ll try to be breif and I wish I’ll find support here. I got married 2 years ago with someone I loved and he made me move from my country so we can live together and we had a beautiful baby. Everything was ... View more

Hi all, I would like to tell you my story. I’ll try to be breif and I wish I’ll find support here. I got married 2 years ago with someone I loved and he made me move from my country so we can live together and we had a beautiful baby. Everything was ok until the day when I went to my country to introduce the baby who was just 6 months old and I spent 2 months. When I came back o found out that my husband was living with his assistant in my home sleeping in my bed. I overreacted as I couldn’t understand why he did it. And he just packed and left to live with her at 5 minutes from where I live. I’ve been to many psychiatric but no one could help. Well, he came back to live with us but he is still in relation with his assistant and he wants me to act normal and keep smiling or he will deport me and take my baby. I tried but I couldn’t so I’ve been shouting and screaming every time I see message from her or a call. And now we just don’t talk and he spend the weekends outside with her and sometimes traveling and when he’s at home I sleep on the ground as I don’t have where to sleep. I can support all this but my baby started understanding everything so he became very nervous he got several fever he doesn’t eat well and on the top of that he always ask where is my father. So my situation is that I can’t leave the country as he put my baby on the watch list and I can’t leave without him and also he doesn’t want to divorce. When I checked with a lawyer he said that if I request the divorce I’ll not get anything and I may lose my baby too. So I’m stuck in this country and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for your support

Martins Husband dropped the bomb he has 3 kids to 2 other women
  • replies: 5

Hi so I am newly married my husband waited till after our marriage to drop the bombs he said it was because I wouldn't be with him if I had known but to be honest I don't know if I want to be with him now that I know he is a liar. If he can hide 3 sm... View more

Hi so I am newly married my husband waited till after our marriage to drop the bombs he said it was because I wouldn't be with him if I had known but to be honest I don't know if I want to be with him now that I know he is a liar. If he can hide 3 small people and 2 women whom he still has relationships with obviously because they have children together but he refuses to tell them he is married so the conversations inevitably get inappropriate fast,I am hoping there is someway I can get some perspective from other people. How do I move forward with this sitting on my shoulders.

dtmum3 Confused
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone so I have been separated a lil over 5months now.. and feel like my separation isn't getting any easier. I have moved out into my own place and trying my best to start a fresh life for myself and my kids The issue I am having is I dont kno... View more

Hi everyone so I have been separated a lil over 5months now.. and feel like my separation isn't getting any easier. I have moved out into my own place and trying my best to start a fresh life for myself and my kids The issue I am having is I dont know if I should move on or keep trying with my ex. I am 100% still in love with him but he fell out of love with me and broke it off.. the issue is we still sleep together and have a good connection but that's it.. he doesnt seem interested in making things work again.. well I dont think so anyways as he doesnt want to do couple stuff and finds it to much but gets jealous if I joke about a good looking guy.. and says he still feels strongly for me but it's hard can someone please give me advice what to do thankyou!

Concerned123 When is it ok to put yourself first
  • replies: 5

I am part of a blended family, I have a young child and my partner has an older teenager. My partner works fifo and his daughter is with us (me) 100% of the time and my son sees his father alternate weekends. I do more than the lions share of everyth... View more

I am part of a blended family, I have a young child and my partner has an older teenager. My partner works fifo and his daughter is with us (me) 100% of the time and my son sees his father alternate weekends. I do more than the lions share of everything as far as the children and household go, whilst still working a full time job (albeit with flexible work arrangements). When my partner is home, he prefers not to be interrupted in anyway, and really only contributes to the household workload by doing his daughters school drops whilst he is home, everything else remains the same for me. My partner does suffer anxiety and depression, and has finally started seeing someone in relation to this which is great. Whilst I understand the importance of getting out and about and getting a social life again as far as treatment goes, my partner is now making lots of plans with friends which means whilst his home, the little he contributed previously now falls back to me to manage constantly with no breaks or any alone time. Note no plans are made for us to spend time together as a couple or a family, just plans for him. I finally snapped tonight and he turned around and said he had too much to deal with personally than be worried with my s@#t. One can only do so much before their own mental health takes a toll, but as I have no one to fall back on for support how am I meant to keep going if his mental health takes the priority?

Coffeelover1 friendship taken away. can Men & Women be besties ?
  • replies: 24

Hey guys so im 40 with 2 kids & a wife,a good job but because ive focused on work & family friends have slipped away. I was lonely & looking for friends. New neighbours moved into the street & our kids got along well so i used that as an excuse to ca... View more

Hey guys so im 40 with 2 kids & a wife,a good job but because ive focused on work & family friends have slipped away. I was lonely & looking for friends. New neighbours moved into the street & our kids got along well so i used that as an excuse to catch up, my dream was for both families to be close. I organised bbq's get togethers, footy nights, boxing at the pub , lunches out & dinners out.There was a couple of boys nights where the dads had beers & watched footy & a couple of girls nights where the Mums saw a movie or drank wine. I suppose I used our kids friendship to get close to them. After 18 months i thought it was going well. The neighbour's wife was more friendly than the husband & i messaged her a lot to organise the catch ups & kids play dates, i though this helped strengthen the friendship One night the Mums had a wine night at the neighbour's house. my wife txt at midnight for a lift home & i drove the 500m up the street to pick her up. When i got there the neighbours Mum offers me a bourbon and i get on it with her. My Wife decides she is tired & goes home leaving us alone.Me & neighbours Mum have the best night ever as mates drinking & laughing until 5am. I realise she is wasted so i put her to bed innocently at 5am & i walk home thinking we are best friends for life. So i see neighbour's Wife a few times & im chummy as thinking were besties. Then after 2 weeks she just blows up at Me & tells Me she cant remember the night She was too drunk & from now on all our conversation should be left for when her husband is around I lost it a bit & desperately sent a lot of txt & messanger messages saying nothing inappropriate happened, we were mates. Our friendship meant the world to Me After some messaging between us she got nasty & said She felt uncomfortable around Me, we were never friends , she only hung out so our kids could be friends & She dosnt want to speak to Me She's happy to be friends with My Wife but not Me We havent spoken since Im totally devestated & struggling to get over it as she wont talk to me at all obviously the friendship is over but i cant move on

Bbc123 Work Relationships
  • replies: 1

Sorry if this doesn't belong here. I didn't know where else to put it. I am really struggling at work. It's like a really long story, and s**t started happening back in June/July last year. If it wasn't for my family and my partner (which I am in lon... View more

Sorry if this doesn't belong here. I didn't know where else to put it. I am really struggling at work. It's like a really long story, and s**t started happening back in June/July last year. If it wasn't for my family and my partner (which I am in long distance with so it doesn't really help me mentally I don't think but anyways), I would be a lot worse than I am mentally. I love my job. the work I do. I work for a community club and just have to put the club in the community. I get to meet new people, provide opportunities for them to fundraise, socialise, be entertained, and more. It's great. We have approx 100 staff in the club, and I am close to a fraction of them on the floor in a work environment. I am on a Manager's level. in my team there is myself, Community Liaison, another girl (Events/Entertainment Coordinator) and one other girl (Advertising/boss's daughter/best friends with Events/Entertainment Coordinator) and the boss of the whole club. These three people are the reason I can't sleep at night, my mental state is scrambled beyond stablisation and I am anxious a lot of the time. We are going through training for having better culture in our work environment and it's great. I love it. we need it. but I do not fit in with the 'culture' of these 3. i don't get invited to lunches (just today - which has my fretting even now - I was at a training session with these 3 for 5 hours and then we head back to the club where they have lunch pre-ordered and waiting for them to come and eat. I was with them the whole morning & not a mention of 'oh we've pre-ordered lunch, do you want anything? join us for lunch, etc. etc.). The advertising girl ignores my requests for advertisements that I put in for in December and constantly chased up about, asking if she had any questions. xWe are going through training for having better culture in our work environment and it's great.