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I'm a new member -heartbroken

Community Member

I don't where to start really, I had been going out with my partner for 7yrs. We were very stressed and my work was stressful and his ex wife had another baby who was dying from cancer, we had his daughter (8yrs old)with us. We were talking about what we were going to do for xmas and who was coming for xmas lunch etc....and what paint to paint the house as we had just finished redoing the house. My partner hated my job and often asked me to quit so I wouldn't be so stressed. My partner went back to work ( he works away ) and after 5 days he texted me and said it was over and needed a break but maybe the new year would bring something more. The baby died 3 days later.  He never spoke to me only through texting. He came home 10 days later and moved his stuff out before xmas and on the same day he moved his stuff into his new girlfriends house. He told his daughter that we had broken up and at the same time said he had another girlfriend all in half an hour. He introduced the new girlfriend straight away after telling her. The daughter refuses to see him after there weekend together with the new girlfriend. We spent most of the holidays together. I put on a brave face for her and said it was ok. But deep down inside everything is hurting and still is. He sent me a text saying he never cheated on me but I find that hard to believe. He even rang my mum and father and said he never cheated on me, but for someone to move in with another person so quickly / the same day you come home.... I feel so lost and upset . My dreams with him and his daughter are over. I am finding it hard to move on with out crying....it's been nearly 3 months and I have days where I'm ok and then other days where I cry nearly all the time especially at work. I feel  like I didn't know him at all.. My ex and I are 40 years old. I would have said this was out of his character but I don't know at all... Thank you for letting me be heard.


13 Replies 13

Community Member
I thought I was getting on with my life without him but I seem to have days where I go backwards and stay in bed for two or three days.  I ran into his ex wife and she told me that my ex has told his daughter that she is not to mention me or the death of her baby brother. If she does she is to go to her room and gets into trouble. I find it so hard listening to this because he wasn't the guy I thought he was. Was he pretending with me to be nice, loving, kind for seven years or is he influenced by his new girlfriend? I just want to pull him aside and ask he what's going on but I know I can't because we are not together any more. It cuts my heart open to think he is doing this. Why is this so hard?

Community Member

Hi there.  You poor girl.  It's sad you had to meet his ex and be told what you were told.  Sometimes it's better not to know what's happening when you break with someone.  It could be his conscience is getting to him which is why your name is taboo.  He probably can't handle losing his baby either.  It's hard for men to show emotion when it comes to grieving over someone's death.  They are raised believing it's 'sissy' for boys to cry, so when his daughter mentions her brother, he simply can't handle it.  Sorry to say this, but I feel he knew his new gf well before he moved in with her.  It's also possible his new gf is trying to help him forget the misery of losing his son.  I think you need to try and move on with your life at this stage.   Maybe in time you could try texting him just to say hello, but not yet.  I also think next time you see his ex, you should just say hi, smile and walk away.  Each time you talk to her, it opens wounds that need time to heal.  I realize I sound a bit harsh, that's not the intention, I just don't like hearing the pain from when you see anyone connected to him.  It doesn't really affect you anymore how he lives his life.  I know you're worried about his daughter, but it's her mother's place to watch over her.  He's obviously changed from what you knew. 

I'm sorry if I offend, that's not the intention. 

Hi Sophjane

I hope you are doing reasonably okay

Pipsy has the wisdom here that I dont. Even though its not what you wish to hear right now...I know Pipsy is being very kind and non offensive in any way. I wont bore you with repeating what she has said Soph...and I dont mean to be a pain but to see you in the pain you are only makes me reflect Pipsy's thoughts.

You are going through a really bad time right now...And I realise it doesnt help much but it may be time to 'walk away' and be 'Good to Yourself' Soph

We are still here for you...okay?


Hi Sophjane, welcome

So much wise advice and comments from those above I have little to add really.

Except to agree that to text you is cowardice and you deserve better. That is inconsiderate and well, unforgivable. I to wouldn't believe him that he didn't have a bonding relationship prior to leaving you.

Time....is the healer. Over time you will accept that this was a terrible event in your life and you will trust again, someone that will be trustworthy. We men are not all the same.

Until then please weather the storm in your emotions and slowly gather together your strength. Distance yourself as much as you can from him and his world.

Read up here on many topics to learn to cope.

Cheers.  Tony WK