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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Nebulous What to do after losing your lifeline?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minima... View more

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minimal support base (my sister also travelled here to study and lives an hour away) and was recently dumped by my 1-year girlfriend because of my depression. As I had really made no other friends here she was my lifeline, and while she is a deeply selfless and compassionate person I just became too much of a burden for her. At the moment I am just trying to reboot my life and pick myself up; reading literature for my upcoming units, participating in clubs/activities, and trying to socialize. I would say that I am only moderately depressed at the moment, which is why I can find the energy to even attempt the aforementioned things. I do however have low energy, lower appetite, deficient sleep, poor memory, feelings of pointlessness, etc. I just began taking medication today but obviously will have to wait a while for it to kick in. My question is, how can make sure I don't spiral, as I did last year, before the drugs take effect? I am honestly making every effort to connect to people, but am also highly introverted and low on social energy, which can make it hard. I also just feel as if I am just naturally unlikeable until people get to know me very well, which is something that seldom happens. Because I have been so worried about potentially being alone I have spoken frankly with my ex asking if we could try to be friends quickly. Unfortunately we both hold quite strong feelings for the other and texting/calling her has only scared her more, though she sincerely wants to help me. She is crazy about me but sees me as a sort of ticking bomb of severe depression at this stage, and wants to be away from the blast zone. It is the weirdest mix of devotion and fear. The whole day of the break-up was this bizarre, suspended period where she seemed to be battling against herself to actually say the words. Honestly, above all I just can't bear the idea of not being able to talk to her. I would take the hit of friendship any day in order to have her in my life again, but she is emotionally unprepared for it (and I probably am too). Anyway, story over. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this, thank you for your time and help

Amarli My friend needs urgent help I don't know what to do
  • replies: 2

My friend, has just called off a relationship after 2years. It appears out of the blue, everything was perfect they had everything, perfect house, partner, animals. Even marriage was around the corner. The reason I have is she grew apart. When I look... View more

My friend, has just called off a relationship after 2years. It appears out of the blue, everything was perfect they had everything, perfect house, partner, animals. Even marriage was around the corner. The reason I have is she grew apart. When I look back at past relationships they ended after 2-3yrs. She had some major physical changes of appearance after loosing a lot of weight about 10yrs ago. Gets a lot of attention from guys which she seems to enjoy. Has already got with another guy. her bf is hurting so bad. Growing up her mother left her when she was 16, she was emotionally abused. She looks perfect when u see her, she acts fine, she comes across confident. She will snap easy about her imagine. She loves to clean. It's like she throwing everything away. I'm scared for her. Her bf is devasted there was no warning, only a few days before she was so in love. I have no idea what is going on? What do I do, what can I suggest, does anyone have any idea what this maybe?

Trapped_and_Crying How do you get your partner to the resolution of a problem?
  • replies: 4

Back story: I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 8-9 months. I got made redundant 6 months ago. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 months ago. Finally got 2 new jobs a fortnight ago. Now up until recently we barely fou... View more

Back story: I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 8-9 months. I got made redundant 6 months ago. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 months ago. Finally got 2 new jobs a fortnight ago. Now up until recently we barely fought even though we were both very stressed. Now its seems we fight about miscommunication every couple of days. We are both intelligent/free thinking people. We can identify the problems we have quite clearly. I just can't for the life of me get him to think/talk about/work on a solution with me or alone. He gets through the why he's sh*tty with me (again) but not what I can do differently. And then he just storms off. I'm changing my tone of voice, my angle, the medium (tried letters/emails instead etc). I've suggested things he can try to not hurt my feelings but doesn't attempt any of them. He never says sorry and it hurts. How do I get him to find a solution with me? He does love me... he just doesn't like me sometimes

Janksie Do we let go of our first love?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love ... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love with a guy there, it was first just love or maybe a crush and slowly changed to saying hello, to eventually dating each other. I belong to an Indian community and in our community there, dating someone was considered inappropriate. My mum was not aware of what was happening in my life as it was a secret relationship. Eventually our dating became passionate love and we got very intimate with each other. Anyway, skipping the details, he was the first man I opened myself to and lost my virginity to. Eventually, the time came when my mum and grandmother insisted that I should get married, I was 22 at that time and in my family, getting married late was also not considered appropriate. So because I was so close to this guy, I approached him for marriage and to talk to his parents. Indian community has a caste system, so his family did not accept my caste as it was different from theirs. My mum was strict too, but I knew that she loved me and will accept it if it was for my happiness. my guy couldn't fight for me and told me he can't do this, can't marry and can't go against his parents. So after many attempts, I knew it was not going to happen and we broke up, after a year or so, eventually through arranged marriage setup, I got married and moved to Australia, my current husband is very loving, very caring, All these years that I have been married, I couldn't stop comparing my husband to my first love, even though he is aware of my past, I never admitted to him about the internal comparisons I made. I think I never got over my first love. Recently, I found out he got married, to someone of a different caste, a caste his family would not accept. It shocked me and broke me to pieces. Why did he marry her and not me? I felt the urge to confront him but I have no contact details Please someone help me figure this out, how do I stop myself from all this crying? These dreams and most of all the low self esteem I feel because he rejected me?i feel angry at the same time pain. Thankyou for for reading my post, I know it is long but I had to explain.

Rosygirl Anxiety about my husband
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I have been married for 23 years, to the most amazing faithful man, but over the last year I have been so worried about him looking at other women and thinking they are attractive in his mind. I hate him seeing scantily dressed women , in a... View more

Hi there, I have been married for 23 years, to the most amazing faithful man, but over the last year I have been so worried about him looking at other women and thinking they are attractive in his mind. I hate him seeing scantily dressed women , in ads on tv, at the beach, in movies, ANYWHERE...... He reassures me constantly, but whenever I question him about him looking at a picture for what I think is long period of time we fight as he is so upset that I view him as that kind of man. I go through his phone , his web history etc....... I am so anxious I will find something. Once 8 years ago I had just had a baby, and one night came downstairs to find him watching a miss universe show ( he says he watched it to listen to their funny comments but it didn't help when I walked in, they were strutting down the runway all showing off their bikini's ), I was so upset feeling fat and unattractive , it haunts me still suffering with this anxiety I keep bringing it up and causing a fight. I also get very insecure about his twin sister, she is a very beautiful out there vervaious person , when we first got married he was very close with her, very affectionate towards her, he is not as close now but one day recently he text her saying 'hey beautiful' ........ Which is what he says to me...... But ever since then I can't stand him calling me that...I hate this anxiety! About 18 months ago we went through a very stressful time where a few of our friends had attacked us as a couple and our children, it was a very traumatic time along with dealing with our teenage son who was up to no good, and my parents who didn't support us. I wonder if this has given me an anxiety about trusting people and I am taking it all out on my husband , just waiting for him to turn on me as well..... My husband wants me to get help of some sort, I am an extremely private person, no/one knows my battle except my husband. He wants me to stop alcohol and take vitamin b for a month to see if it helps, 10 days in, and my anxiety has caused a fight this morning over him searching for a variety of timber called 'honey mahogany' for a job he is doing , well type that into google search and look at what you come up with. His history showed he then googled images trying to find the timber, but he told me he didn't go into images, his explanation was that he didn't click on 'a' image, but images to see if he could see timber, my mind just went crazy . Any words of wisdom ? Thanks for reading . X

anniebtwitch Is it my fault?
  • replies: 1

Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 7 of them. We moved to Australia in 2010 and because he is blind in one eye from an accident, I became the bread winner for 3 years. I then fell pregnant with our second child and ... View more

Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 7 of them. We moved to Australia in 2010 and because he is blind in one eye from an accident, I became the bread winner for 3 years. I then fell pregnant with our second child and after a year off of work I was supposed to go back but my husband had finished all his treatment and was finally in a place where he was ready to work again and eventually got a job. I then became the stay at home parent. He's been working for a year now and making good money and getting lots of work but the downside is he drinks every night to deal with the stress and exhaustion. I've asked him to drink less because I don't want my kids to think drinking is a normal thing to do after work but he says I'm nagging him (I'm sure I am) and that I should be grateful I get to do nothing at home. So I got sick of watching him drink every night that I started back at work 1-2 nightshifts a week. This is making me so tired and then I snap at everyone (my husband's words). I just feel like I can't win anymore and having no family here, I feel lonely and sad. On a side note, after my daughter was born, I was so sleep deprived and depressed that I wanted toend my life. I told my husband this and his reply was, "so do I". He has been through a lot in the last 9 years because of the accident that I feel like I can't ask for help because it will become a competition of who has more problems. Am I being unreasonable? ​

Iwant2B3 Having a hard time -my sons birthday just passed
  • replies: 3

It's been 13 years since I seen my children. It was my sons birthday just a few days ago. It never bothered me every year since the incident. I just thought wait til he is 18 then he will want to see me. He will want to find me. They can't keep him f... View more

It's been 13 years since I seen my children. It was my sons birthday just a few days ago. It never bothered me every year since the incident. I just thought wait til he is 18 then he will want to see me. He will want to find me. They can't keep him from me anymore. I waited and waited and waited, 13 years I have cried every single day. I don't function. I don't eat. I don't talk to anyone. I just wait sitting in my room alone everyday. He just turned 19. I don't want to wait any longer. I don't want to grieve for a lost child anymore. He's a grown up. He knows I'm alive. He knows where I live. He hates me. I hate me more. Do you know what it's like to live with anger and hatred towards yourself. That's 110,000 hours of being mean to me. I let bad things happen to me because I know I deserve them. My next door neighbour borrowed my car and it broke down. She borrowed my other car to go fix the broken down one and she stole both cars and fled the state. I didn't do anything. I didn't even go to the police. My cousin moved in with me and then kicked me out of my house. I still did nothing. My ex kidnapped my child (not his biological child) and fled the state. All I did was cry. My mother takes my son, poisons his mind against me and then puts him in a boys home. I did nothing to help him. My partner calls me horrible names and is physically abusive. I still do nothing. WHY CANT I FIGHT BACK? Why do I feel like I'm not worthy of anything? My mother was an independent strong woman who never let anyone get away with hurting her or her kids. Why can't I be like that? I let everything turn to shit and I sat back and did nothing.

nion i made a bad choice
  • replies: 2

Im 14 years old and i gave someone my virginity....i was in a sexual relationship with my friend and i slowly got feelings for him, i got attached and he decided to date someone and cut off the sexual relationship, i feel really stupid and i made him... View more

Im 14 years old and i gave someone my virginity....i was in a sexual relationship with my friend and i slowly got feelings for him, i got attached and he decided to date someone and cut off the sexual relationship, i feel really stupid and i made him upset because i lied to him about not being a virgin and ivehurting myself again because i just feel like such an idiot i made him upset and i feel like i deserve pain because i constantly make people upset and i feel like all i do is ruin peoples lives

LoyalBlues Partner left me says doesn't love me anymore :(
  • replies: 7

Hello there i'm a 28 year old male i have had depression/anxiety for over 10 years, I have not worked for some time now, I was with my partner for 3 n half years until she recently had told me she doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me anymo... View more

Hello there i'm a 28 year old male i have had depression/anxiety for over 10 years, I have not worked for some time now, I was with my partner for 3 n half years until she recently had told me she doesn't love me anymore and she doesn't want me anymore while we were waiting in my psychiatrist's waiting room an while i was just about to get my life on track (was seeing a job seeker trying to get a job for our future) I'm left more depressed than i have ever been, My depression first started when my first love of 4 years left me, Some years later i met another girl of which we weren't "official" but when she left me for some one who was serious i was depressed and heart broken again because i was coming around to making it official then i met this girl (my now ex) she also was going through a breakup "separated" and then a divorce when i had first met her and so we fell in love and everything was good.. The thing is i have never loved a girl and showed it so much in my life she had a miss carriage some months ago after we were trying to have a child, But now she says she just wants to be be happy and doesn't want me in my life, She understands my condition and knows its not fair but she says she just cant be with me she was crying and stuff i'm guessing from guilt?, Now the thing is she thinks i'm a bum and that i'm never going to work and that i'm going to just bludge off her but this is not the case at all i have never asked or taken a cent off her i was genuinely going to get a job and do some online courses at the same time and was going to buy a engagement ring and get engaged to her this year on our 4 year anniversary (she didn't know this) also she has a big family and at the start (few years ago) i didn't want to meet them all and stuff because of anxiety and shyness but as our relationship dragged on she never asked me to again but i wanted to an i was ready. She went overseas for 3 months during our relationship i waited and stayed loyal to her, In all honesty i'm not a bad guy and she says i'm not bad or did anything really wrong but its just she fell out of love, I'm a tall good looking guy (some say) i'm a great cook i know how to work on computers,cars,motorbikes etc and i'm very smart with general knowledge, Now she had lost love for me before around 2 years ago but after she said she will try she was good and our relationship was great.

Maureen When are you ready for dating
  • replies: 2

I've been going through a nasty session of depression and anxiety for the past couple of years. I'm 55. A lot of my problem is being so so lonely. I've been on my own for 9 years. Was married for 18 years, divorced, had a partner for 3 years til my d... View more

I've been going through a nasty session of depression and anxiety for the past couple of years. I'm 55. A lot of my problem is being so so lonely. I've been on my own for 9 years. Was married for 18 years, divorced, had a partner for 3 years til my depression destroyed that. My kids are grown up, luckily still spend time with me and have a gorgeous 2 year old grand daughter. I also have a couple of great girlfriends who are very supportive. But it would be so lovely to have a special person in my life. I'm doing the up and down thing. Some days, sometimes a week of doing really well then down I go again. They can't get the drugs right, I can't find a psychologist. I'm not looking for a partner to fix me. I would just like someone to spend time with, care about me, accept me for me, ups and downs and all. Is that too much to ask for? Should I be more stable before putting myself out there? When do you know you're ready? I'm asking this tonight but by the morning ill probably have lost the confidence to have a go. But it will come back again. Your thoughts, experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys. Maureen