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Feeling a sense of loss for someone I love...

Community Member


I'm feeling heartache and a sense of loss. 

I met someone a year and a half ago and we started seeing each other and it got pretty serious pretty quickly. Then he said he wasn't ready for a relationship he'd just come out of a bad one and he wasn't in the right frame of mind. By that stage I had already fallen for him and he wanted to continue seeing me but left it up to me in whether i wanted to continue to see him or not as 'he didn't want me to get hurt'. 

Things cooled off for a while but then started heating back up again and we'd get just close again and it would go in cycles but we'd always end up back together and there was talks about 'us' and he's a bit of a thinker and would tell me he thinks about it etc. 

I always have a guard up and never tell or show people how i'm feeling and even though I had completely fallen for him I didn't tell him. When talks turned serious i'd joke or brush them off. I think I was just scared of how he'd react if I told him how I really felt. 

We were in a bit of an off cycle and didn't talk for a few weeks and I text to say hi and I was thinking of him and he wrote back and was talking about work etc and then in his next reply said he'd been seeing someone for about a month and how she was over but we could catch up another time.  

Without thinking I poured my heart out to him and told him how I felt about him and how I could see us being together and that I didn't push it earlier because he wasn't ready and had things going on in his life (losing job etc). I told him everything. He just said that he was speechless. I didn't want to tell him via text but it just happened that way. This was two weeks ago and I've tried to ask if to talk. I feel like it's open ended with the way he left it. Not knowing his reaction to it is making it harder to accept and move on. 

I also feel so much deep regret for not telling him how I felt when I had the chance. I can't help but wonder whether things would be different. Even though we weren't officially together we spent a lot of time together over the last year and a half and I really have never felt like this about anyone before. 

I can't tell if he wasn't interested in me or whether I could have changed things. I know he talks about settling down and i'm scared it will become serious with the new girl and that will be it.

I feel like I've lost the opportunity of a lifetime and I just feel lost. I wish he'd talk to me. I just cry constantly and I can't snap out of it. 

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Tex, welcome to beyond Blue forums

Life can be full of regrets and it wont be much of a life. We are all human and humans make mistakes. Even so, in your case you think you could have saved your relationship had you done things differently- not so.

He has had many opportunities to show his love for you, to contact more often and see you more often. He hasnt done so because he is not committed to the relationship.

Someone once said to me once "you wont fallout out of love until you fall in love again". I think that is true in some cases.  I dont think your actions or inaction meant any difference to be honest. If a man loves you he will move mountains for you. You'd rather that be the case wouldnt you?

I suggest if you are so upset about this the you can visit your doctor and get a referral to a counsellor.  Good luck and take care. And be proud you handle this the way you have, with dignity. Keep and cradle that honour.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Tex, welcome to the site.

Young love it can be beautiful and so adorable, but then we are placed in situations that make us feel 'did I do the right thing or should I have gone on further', well either way there are always problems, which we have no idea about until the time comes along and challenges us.

I agree with WK in what he has said, if a 'man loves a woman then he will move mountains to be with her', but that's coming from a male's perspective.

He may still want on off situation but this isn't what you had in mind, and probably wouldn't suffice, but I know that if a lady told me she loves me, now that I'm single then I would do anything to see her, and incidentally it doesn't work the other way around, because all my efforts to several ladies have fallen flat on their face, I must be too old. L Geoff. x