I just want to share

[vicman]

I just want to share this: Fifteen years ago I separated from my first wife after 26 years together. It was her idea as she wanted to do all the things she hadn’t done as a younger, single person. She was also having an affair at the time. I sunk deeper into a depression and, over time, lost contact with all my children and Grand Children. After nearly a decade I was able to make contact with them via Facebook, unfortunately none of them wished to have contact with me. I don’t really blame them, after almost ten years they had new lives, lives without me. I’m remarried to a fantastic lady who had two adult children and now four Grand Children. The relationship between my wife and her children is not a close one so at this late stage in my life I feel so wasted. Although I have so much family out there I will forever be without them to share love and lives with.

[white knight]

Hi Vicman

Life deals us hands we can only try to get the best out of.

The emotional pain of losing your children and grandchildren can never be replaced. Even though it was 10 years a high percentage of adult children would be happy to reunite. But every family is different.

I have two adult daughters, The elder is wonderful. The younger one had her mind poisoned by her mother. I know in my heart I've lost her forever even if she decides (again) to make contact. There comes a point when you have done enough and the hard yards must be done by them or it wont happen.

Hop your life is at least happy in general.

Tony WK

[vicman]

Hi white knight, thank you for your reply. Like you my ex went on a poisoning campaign and did a good job of it. I have given up hope of reuniting with my family; it's been too long and the children I once had have all gone now and been replaced by much older people. Yes, I am happy in general.

Vicman

[Neil_1]

Hi there vicman

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing this post.   I also read another of your posts in another area which was very worrying, re:  suicide.   I’m guessing that those times were heavily in your past and you’ve been able to break away from those terrible thoughts??

It was great that Tony was able to respond to you, someone in a “similar” situation and was able to speak to you with an experienced air.

From your first post, I thought it must have been that your ex did all she could to poison your children’s minds against you.  That is just incredibly sad to hear of such occurrences – I mean, they’re both YOUR children, but she went and did all she could so as you were not going to play any part in their lives from there on.   I’ll bet that over the course of time that you’ve tried so many avenues to try and reunite yourself with your children – but all to no avail.

That is very pleasing to read that you’re now in a new marriage with a fantastic lady – so, I hope you can find some happiness and enjoyment with what you’ve been able to build over the last number of years.

Would love to hear more from you if you’re able to come back and post again.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Vicman, hello and I have read your post a couple of times, never believing that what your wife could possibly do to her ex, which is unfortunately you, but people are truly capable of doing this, and we have heard so many other people post in about exactly the same occurrence.

You have heard from two of our members who have in their own right been through so much in life, not only for other people but definitely their own, so they have some excellent advice.

I just can't believe why someone in a marriage or a relationship could ever want to poison their family when it breaks down and then to lose contact with their children and then grandchildren is just so sad.

This happened when my Dad remarried while Mum was stuck in a nursing home, when he was cut off from his children simply because his new wife demanded it, so any time we wanted to contact Dad his new wife told him to say that they were busy.

He only returned when this new wife passed away, but so many years had gone, and with 5 kids of his own, including myself and my twin, there was so much to tell.

I hope that one day all your children realise what they have missed out on, they will be eager to do so. Geoff.

[vicman]

Thanks to all that have read and, or, replied to my post. I have made attempts to contact my children and grand children over the last few years but with the exception of 2 grand sons and their mother all have declined my attempts. Strangely enough it was my daughter in law who is separated from my son who was first to reconcile with me. Unfortunately they live interstate so visiting is not easy. In fact although both boys are in their mid teens I’ve only ever seen them once. I do have a fantastic lady for my wife now and we support each other. As for my ex, well all I can assume is she needed to blacken my name in order to make sure no attention was given to her actions of adultery and deceit. Still I bear her no grudge, to hold a  grudge takes an effort and that would hurt me more than it would her.