I hate myself

[Lonely22]

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of primary school, then it all turned bad. I thought it would fix itself, only to have my social skills, innocent, young physical appearance leave me. Now I'm alone, and haven't a friend in past 4 years. I meet potential friends enough I suppose, probably 4 or 5 a year I really see myself with, but it never works out b/c I hate who I am, my appearance, communication skills, I'm so introverted I can never hold up a conversation, let alone initiate one. I just can't stand myself right now, the past 6 days all I've wanted is to see this girl I like, and convince myself that I could talk to her, have meaningful conversation and ask her out... I mean this is someone I haven't seen for 3 months, probably only 2 times this past year, and I prayed to God laboriously for just one chance, and wouldn't you know it I just saw this person, by chance, by gods blessing, and I took it for granted, I just couldn't bring myself to approach her, but I couldn't have asked for a better scenario to do so, and u couldn't even do that. I'm so shy, I'm so ugly, why would she even like me... Taking not accepting friend request on FB is indication she not interested, that's why I just have no confidence whatsoever, even if I did, I'm a loner w nothing to offer, people my age, they want socialising and happiness, fun, I just don't have any to offer. I hate myself more than ever right now, nothing is helping, no one wants to be with Me, nobody has proved me otherwise, I take more and more antidepressants, any anxiety medication, none of it helps, and I can't kill myself b/c I'm Christian and obviously right now is so difficult but I don't want an eternity of this hell, I'm just so afraid of being a 30, 40 year old with no friends, no social life or relationship, living on an average income alone, I see people like this every week and I never want this, but feel like there's nothing I can do to turn things around without surgery or something, God can only bless me to a point, like today where I have an opportunity to make a friend, but I let it go and now I don't deserve gods help, why should God help me when I ignore blessings and oppottunities.

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Lonely22, welcome to BB

"not accepting friend request on FB is indication she not interested" uh, no, that is not true. I only link with people on FB that I already have a genuine friendship with; not acquaintances and certainly not people that I have only recently met. FB opens up too much of ones personal life, and I'd like people to get to know me for me vs what I may have posted to another friend on FB.

Many of us rely on school and then uni to supply our friends; it's like were stuck together and we all have similar goals. But after education, where do we find them? Good question.

Finding friends is hard. Looking for them is harder. But attracting them isn't so hard if you know how. When people ask me what I am doing on the weekend, I always answer with what I like doing: volunteering and Life Drawing. And then I make friends with people who are attracted to my interests. I like to say that I find friends through work, through volunteering and charity organizations and through fraternal organizations, but really they find me.

SB

[white knight]

Hi lonely 22, welcome.

SB as always got it spot in. And as hard as it is for you to make such effort you MUST acknowledge and accept that you have to make steps to help yourself.

The following threads might help.

.Use google

Topic: confidence, how do you get it?- beyondblue

Topic: boredom, the closed door to fun- beyondblue

Topic: rejection, its hard to swallow beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Nobody is claiming it is easy.Two

Tony WK

[pipsy]

Hi Lonely. Being so unsure and lacking confidence means stepping 'outside the square'. There's no right or wrong way of overcoming shyness and loneliness. Reaching out is not easy when you're not sure how or where to start. Fb, to me, is still 'hiding' behind something. I presume you attend church, you mentioned you have Christian beliefs. I gather your church would have a young adults gathering. Have you thought about approaching your youth minister and asking him/her to introduce you to some of the members in that group? The church I used to attend had a young adults section where the members could congregate before, during and after services for socializing. Youth ministers usually understand shyness, they also can help with introducing others who feel similar. Believe me many young people who attend church have your problems of shyness and lack confidence. The church I attended had a young school age girl who had problems with her height, she was fairly tall and extremely sensitive. One of the senior members often teased her (cruelly), he thought he was being kind. He used to tell her he liked tall girls. This girl approached the youth minister who introduced her to the young adults section. After a couple of social functions, the change was undeniable. All you need to do is talk to your youth minister, explain you are shy and lack confidence. Many young adults feel similar to you.

Lynda

[Lonely22]

SB,

thank you for replying. I don't use FB really, I just wanted to get an indication, but you may be right. I only have family and close friends grown up with.

I feel like by now most already have established friendships and have no interest in making any more, of course this is not so for many people, but it just becomes harder when you don't see these people every day and don't know what they do away from wherever you are.

Ill take your advice and try to draw interest by talking about my own, thanks!

[Lonely22]

Thank you Lynda,

terrific advice. My church is only small and I'm youngest, other church groups offer youth groups and this is something I've been thinking about lately, I mean if any people are willing to accept me it is others with similar beliefs right, I just can't get past the idea that I'm so unconfident, and terrible at conversation, talking in general that even those people wouldn't want to waste time with me, or that they would only be acting out of kindness, but insincere and no intention of really wanting to be with me.

it means a lot getting to know your own experiences in this area, and I'd like very much to pursue this further and let you know how it turns out