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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Wayne2 My wife wants to separate
  • replies: 4

My wife of almost 10 years but partner of almost 15 has recently told me she wants to separate.She has not really given me any real reasons except for she is done and that she has not been happy for a long time. The day before she told me this we had... View more

My wife of almost 10 years but partner of almost 15 has recently told me she wants to separate.She has not really given me any real reasons except for she is done and that she has not been happy for a long time. The day before she told me this we had just put up our Christmas tree and she was really excited to go buy new decorations for it.My wife is a real work-a-holic and she holds a very senior position with one of Australia's leading banks. She is also very competitive and must always be right and first.She had applied for a role closer to home and was unsuccessful and I know that hurt her and she is also struggling with her current boss, on top of that she has just been offered a secondment in the city and has excepted it. With my wife she always puts work first and i am the one who will do what i need to do for the kids whilst working fulltime myself, I always support her decisions and have always been home to support her in need. I also know I have said some negative stuff to her that has given her the impression that she is an unfit mother but it is not what I intended, it was just my way I guess of saying that I am always here.18 months ago my wife and i decided to take on our nephew who was in foster care and the 7 months ago we took on his brother, I know this has taken a toll on my wife as we have 2 of our own kids but having 4 is really hard and on top of that the 2 nephews have been in trouble at school a lot and I know that this has caused embarrassment for my wife as she is the one who had to go to the school and deal with it alone.I have been staying in our family home for the last week and I have tried pulling my weight around the house more than I normally do and I have tried really hard not to be lazy, I cleaned every square inch of the house over the weekend and even made the family dinner. I am also guilty of saying some nasty name to her but I have vowed to myself to never disrespect her like that again regardless of what she calls meI love my wife very dearly and cannot think of anyone in this world who I want to spend the rest of my life with but yesterday she told me she did not love me and it cut me so hard I did not know what to do and for the first time in my life I felt alone and scared.Last night when I put my kids to sleep I broke down and cried and my son said whats wrong, I didn't tell him but I know he knows something is wrong and then this morning i got him to ask his mum why she was angry with me

kryssie85 Still so angry
  • replies: 7

Hi guys, i separated from my partner in Feb. I think I started my downward spiral when I went back to work doing night shifts when my youngest, now 2, was 6 months old. I found it hard to cope and my partner was unsupportive. He was always down about... View more

Hi guys, i separated from my partner in Feb. I think I started my downward spiral when I went back to work doing night shifts when my youngest, now 2, was 6 months old. I found it hard to cope and my partner was unsupportive. He was always down about his job and I tried hard to support and uplift him to no avail. He also started drinking quite heavily and I turned to running and exercise to cope. I first was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a year ago. I'd lie in bed and cry just wanting him to confort me but he didn't. I decided that I couldn't handle his lack of support and left. 1 year on and I've met a beautiful supportive man and it's made me angry with my ex because he made me feel like I was too hard. He now has a new girlfriend and wine and dines her and buys her flowers. Why couldn't he look after the mother of his kids when she needed him? Also, I agreed to 50-50 custody for our children but leaving them with him rips me apart. I also need to move 35 minutes away for work and family support but my ex keeps guilt tripping me against moving, saying its not fair on the kids and I just want to take them away from him. I'm so hurt and just want to support my children and have the support of my family and counsellor close by, as I'm very isolated at the moment. im just ranting but any suggestions are welcome!

Sunday01 Rejection by group of friends
  • replies: 7

I had an very close group of women friends that I loved dearly and saw every week for nearly 4 years. I had been getting the feeling that I wasn't as welcome as I used to be but thought I had been imagining it. Things came to a head a few weeks ago a... View more

I had an very close group of women friends that I loved dearly and saw every week for nearly 4 years. I had been getting the feeling that I wasn't as welcome as I used to be but thought I had been imagining it. Things came to a head a few weeks ago and I felt that I needed to ask if everything was ok. So I did. To cut a long story short the answer was that they didn't like my personality anymore. Even though they said I was a kind and giving person it seems they had enough of me. These friends have been there as fantastic friends and support as they know things can get tough for me as all of my family have mental illness. These women were the very last people I thought would behave like this. i am really struggling to come to terms with this as I didn't think I'd be dealing with this in my late forties. It feels like intense grief like someone has died and I can't seem to get things straight in my head. The feeling of loss is huge and I can't for the life of me understand what happened. The feelings are starting to impact other areas of my life. I am trying very hard to move on and remain positive but I cant

Gothgirl87 Interfering in laws
  • replies: 7

Hi I'm 28 married with a young daughter. I'm tired of my in laws wanting to control everything. My sister in law is a liar, snoop, bully and verbally abusive. She moved back last year. She constantly lies and turns my in laws against me. Yesterday sh... View more

Hi I'm 28 married with a young daughter. I'm tired of my in laws wanting to control everything. My sister in law is a liar, snoop, bully and verbally abusive. She moved back last year. She constantly lies and turns my in laws against me. Yesterday she lied again and said I verbally abused her. What to do? She's spoilt rotten and my in laws never tell her off, unlike my husband. She always has some insult. My mother in law is extremely pushy and controlling. She is Catholic and thinks she can judge everyone. My daughter was unplanned and I found out I was pregnant with her, after I lost my job. We were living with them. She is a complete cow and didn't remotely care about how I felt or that I was running out of savings. Now my sister in law has had trouble with her paid internship. Yet they're worried about and she is in nowhere near dire circumstances as I was. What to do? Both completely cross boundaries

v9019509 Lost and stuck all at once and its getting worse
  • replies: 3

Hi, New to this. First time i have reached out so not sure how to word whats happening but will give it a go thanks to a friend who persuaded me its a good idea. I am unhappily married which has got worse over the past few years after meeting a woman... View more

Hi, New to this. First time i have reached out so not sure how to word whats happening but will give it a go thanks to a friend who persuaded me its a good idea. I am unhappily married which has got worse over the past few years after meeting a woman online. We talk message multiple times a day and she is also married. She has a few issues mentally and sometimes cant cope with what we have which by the way is the strongest feelings i have ever felt for anyone. It goes horribly wrong for a few days then she comes round and we are great again. She is close to being able to get away from her husband (long story) and i love her to bits and she is all i want. Recently we have just had a big fall out over this taking too long, her not being right for me due to her depression and mental issues but i keep telling her til i'm blue on the face i want her but not sure she is listening. Dont know if she is scared or just doesnt want me anymore. Make me feel worthless and all along i'm playing happy families with my wife who loves me. I want to be with my online girl but we havent even met as she wont meet til she has moved on from her partner. complicated i know and more to it. This is the gist but i just feel stuck. I want to be with this girl. she is my true love i feel even tough we havent met. she wont meet me and now its in jeopardy of not happening at all when she is in her moods where she feels like we will never be. I just dont know what to do. Christmas is approaching. Dont want to be with my wife a minute longer. Dont want to leave for someone who doesnt want me. Dont know what to do.

anx_b_gone Dealing with (hopefully) temporary separation
  • replies: 3

My wife (30) of 2 years recently told me (27) she isn't sure about our marriage anymore. She feels she was influenced by her family, and does not feel romantically attracted to me anymore. After trying for the past 6 weeks she has decided that she ne... View more

My wife (30) of 2 years recently told me (27) she isn't sure about our marriage anymore. She feels she was influenced by her family, and does not feel romantically attracted to me anymore. After trying for the past 6 weeks she has decided that she needs to live elsewhere to find herself and determine if I and our marriage are a part of her future. We have had some really stressful moments this year through finishing studies whilst working, and I feel that there could be some depression signs causing her to feel like this. I guess I am struggling with a few aspects: - how do I cope with my anxiety during this period, living at home by myself and what can I do to not dwell on everything so much - how do I live in limbo, how do I determine what it is that I want, and how long do I let this go for - what should I do in this period to ensure that I am not driving her further away from me We have agreed on boundaries at the moment, but I am scared she will want to recreate these in the future with the possibility of seeing other people during this time. I just don't know if I could live with her doing this, but at the same time I love her that much that I want whatever to happen for us to be together in the future and to work on this marriage.

Robert2 walked out on wife and 2 kids last Sunday
  • replies: 22

Hi walked out on wife and 2 kids last Sunday have seen different councillor for last 2 years always getting told by wife I am worst than before going.was trying to be the man she wanted. Only thing I could do was to walk away. thi is not what I wante... View more

Hi walked out on wife and 2 kids last Sunday have seen different councillor for last 2 years always getting told by wife I am worst than before going.was trying to be the man she wanted. Only thing I could do was to walk away. thi is not what I wanted but felt I had to leave I have given up jobs for her to succeed even moved to far north qld for her job.there is not much up here in support either so I am hoping to get some sound advice from here.

Nothing_left1 Frightened for my granddaughters.
  • replies: 2

My son has manic depression, anxiety, paranoia, and is narcissistic. Twelve months ago, he packed up his family, wife and two daughters, and moved out of state. One granddaughter is very ill, and was hospitalised this year. I was not told this had ha... View more

My son has manic depression, anxiety, paranoia, and is narcissistic. Twelve months ago, he packed up his family, wife and two daughters, and moved out of state. One granddaughter is very ill, and was hospitalised this year. I was not told this had happened, or allowed to go and see her after I found out from friends. If I send and email, asking to have contact, I receive back abusive emails. I am so concerned about the girls welfare, but do not know what to do.

cam117 starting again after bad break up
  • replies: 3

Hey guys. I just wanted some advice or anything you could recommend for getting back into dating. The last girl i was with kinda destroyed my confidence and charisma. I havent been alone with a girl in months out of fear of betrayal and other negativ... View more

Hey guys. I just wanted some advice or anything you could recommend for getting back into dating. The last girl i was with kinda destroyed my confidence and charisma. I havent been alone with a girl in months out of fear of betrayal and other negative blocks. I have anxiety around the idea that i am no longer good enough. Or that there are other ulterior motives. Im suspicious of everything... i want and need to know i can start again when and if im ready. Preferably asap. I would just like to know if anyone can relate and how you fixed it or work around the issue. A very massive thank you in advance! Cheers guys!

marshmallow Partner left, is it me??
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have been head over heels in love for 4 years, we have lived together for 3. Depression is in his family. This past year he didn't get into medical school, had trouble getting a job, and was communting 3 hrs/day to work when he lived with me... View more

Hello, I have been head over heels in love for 4 years, we have lived together for 3. Depression is in his family. This past year he didn't get into medical school, had trouble getting a job, and was communting 3 hrs/day to work when he lived with me. He has for years needed constant change, constant excitement to be happy and to not succumb to the routines that are life. I love travelling, planning etc. so in reality I was helpful for providing this to him. I have never once questioned our relationship. I am an extremely loving, caring person and we have so much fun together. We are honestly so happy together. My one big flaw it is this: I possibly love him too much? I want to spend time together and have trouble with being okay being alone.. Although I have gotten immensely better. When he is out with the guys I like to text and hear from him. This doesn't even happen often (maybe 5x/year? We also often go out together) but when it does it always has bothered him. His mother was a worryier as he grew up, and he dislikes that I worry and want to hear from him. He enjoys a night of heavy drinking with the guys, with no requirement to text. I see why I need to get better, give him space, I really do ... 3 weeks ago we talked about marriage, and he said he can not commit to me because he needs constant change in life, and the marriage commitment is too much. Such a hard thing to hear when you love someone so much and now feel like they are saying one day you won't be good enough. After this talk he said he is very unhappy and feels depressed ... I suspected he was off but this was the first time he said it. After that day he became more visibly down around me.. And I became more present, trying so hard I help... he started going out drinking with new younger work friends, he has been more distant from me.. but not always, we still had great fun nights throughout those three weeks. He also told me he is only happy when he is drinking... He still hides it so much, he has such a happy exterior no one would ever know. 1 week ago he moved out to his parents home. He also started meds.. Did I do this... Or contribute? Stress is a trigger for major depressive episodes.. Would healthy relationships break up over the texting issue, or talk about it and work on, especially given how many GREAT things we share and love about each other .. Ifeel like I tipped his depressive state. If I'd been better (given him his unrestricted boys nights) would he still be here?