Attempting to Date whilst Dealing with Depression and Addiction
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for posting!
A bit about me: I had an eating disorder when I was in my late teens, which really "put my life on hold" for a few years. I didn't date anyone until I was 18, and then, because of my illness, I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 21, which was last year.
I am very glad you have overcome your eating disorder. It's such a relief, isn't it! 🙂 I'm glad you left the man who wasn't treating you well. If you don't mind me asking, have you sought help for your depression or PTSD? It's vital that you start or continue to seek help for those conditions, so that you can minimise the impact they have on your wellbeing.
I didn't have a boyfriend until I was well. I also didn't date at all during my eating disorder. Firstly, I spent a lot of time by myself indoors, I was frail-looking, and I had very little energy. Last year I had a boyfriend for a few months, and then decided that I just wanted to be friends with him. Right now I'm in my first "serious" relationship. We've only been together for 2 months, but it feels like longer 🙂 We've been friends since the start of this year, and he is also in my friendship group. He knows about my past experiences with mental illness, and is really understanding and supportive. We are well suited as a couple because our personalities are compatible and we have similar goals and values.
As you are really struggling this month, meeting a new man is going to be harder. Trying to think about someone else new, and about their wants and needs, is really challenging when you are struggling to look after yourself. I understand wanting to have someone right there, who you can cuddle up with. That is a healthy thing to yearn for. If you do meet someone kind and genuine, then by all means go on dates with them and get to know them. You don't need to tell a new man all about your past on the first few dates, but can open up to him gradually, as you become more comfortable with him, and as you get to know each other more. Picking or attracting the wrong type of people is unfortunately quite common.
Spend as much time with friends and family as possible, and seek help from your GP for depression and PTSD.
I hope something I said has been helpful 🙂
Hi Kate, welcome
SM hit the nail on the head. I'm 59yo but I had a long dating life from 17yo to 29 when I married my first wife. And then I still married the wrong one!!
We divorced after 11 years then I lived with a woman for 10 years then married my best friend (female) 4 years ago and we are wonderful together.
Our relationship works well for a number of reasons. We are similar in character, think the same, enjoy the same things like our love of animals and country living and she loves my daughters. We are both firey though and that needed new approaches for us to work. Boundaries that is like not leving the property when upset, giving each other space and approaching the other person say after 30 minutes and offering coffee. It all works. The longer we are together the less firey incidences occur.
Although a vast number of people don't understand mental illness it really is more that they need to be kind and supportive when you are in a hole/cycle. If they don't mind listening and making the odd suggestion then that's the most you can expect and often its enough. I mean how can they get into our heads and analyse? So it isn't bad to be a little reserved to protect your loving relationship.
So look for a kind loving and semi supporting partner not too unlike yourself in the communication stakes. As for your past....everyone has a skeleton in the cupboard.
They ponder they do
Some but we don’t know who
For it in their own head they ask
How could all those guilty
Hide so many skeletons
In their cupboard?
They check their own wardrobe
It bare, no skeleton, they sigh with relief
While they ask they not aware
As they get dressed for another day
Put clothes upon their own skeleton
They carry around with them
-all the damn time……