Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Maggie_10 Husband angry at entire family and now not speaking to me.
  • replies: 2

Hello, My husband has was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar 11 years ago. He takes medication sporadically. He will try it for a few weeks and then stops as he thinks the side effects are worse than the depression. He generally suffers severe de... View more

Hello, My husband has was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar 11 years ago. He takes medication sporadically. He will try it for a few weeks and then stops as he thinks the side effects are worse than the depression. He generally suffers severe depression a few weeks a year and at this time is unable to attend work. We have three children under the age of 10. This year has been very difficult. He has always been very close to his parents and sisters but in January had a falling out with them and refuses to speak to them. They are not perfect but haven't done anything horrendous. They have tried to keep in touch by phone but he will not communicate with them and we live on the other side of the state. Our children adore them and this has been very difficult. He has spoken to one sister on limited occasions throughout the year. I have done my best to allow the kids to have some contact with his family. His sister was married on the weekend and we all attended the wedding at my encouragement. He did a great job but did not speak to his parents or one sister. The following day we caught up with his family so that the kids could exchange Christmas presents.The kids keep asking why we aren't spending Christmas with his family so I thought this would be good for them. My husband was angry and didn't want to be there. He left without telling me not long after we arrived. When he returned his mother tried to give him something for Christmas and he ignored her and asked to leave immediately. I was angry at him.and told him to be be nicer to his mum and to grow up. I know I shouldn't have said this but it has been a very stressful year and I just want things to be good between him and his family and I saw this as the last time we might see them. He stormed out and now refuses to speak to me. He said that I knew he didn't want to be there as he felt like he was going to explode.and I shouldn't have criticised him in public. Only his mother and aunt were actually there. Our children where somewhere else in the house. I don't know what to do.I know I should have probably been more supportive of him especially since he tried very hard at the wedding but I can't change things now.

Kbet Never-ending
  • replies: 15

I am new to all of this so I hope I make some kind of sense. I feel almost daily overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my role in my family and my life. More and more things are thrown my way and I find it difficult to function normally. I have gone ... View more

I am new to all of this so I hope I make some kind of sense. I feel almost daily overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my role in my family and my life. More and more things are thrown my way and I find it difficult to function normally. I have gone through great traumas in my life and after nearly 35 years of suffering, I have only just now sought help to try and fix it. To try and fix me. I have lost my smile and the mechanisms I used to use to help me cope with the constant stress I face. I have become numb to my existence and the world around me as a whole. I feel empty and hollow inside like my soul is missing. Like who I am as a person will never be returned to me. Nothing is important to me anymore. How do you continue to get up in the morning to go to a job where you aren't appreciated, or home to a family that treats you as though you are invisible? How do stop the cycle of doubt and anxiety? How can you fill the emptiness when you don't know how you lost it in the first place. How do I stop the never-ending demands put on me by my loved ones to look after them, when I cant even look after myself. Why is it that none of my family recognise that I am not alright. When they do recognise it, why do they run and hide from me like they cant face the fact that I am not who I was and I don't think I ever will be. They tell me to get over it, or that I am overreacting. I really would like to pack up and leave and never come back. I just don't know what to do anymore its never-ending.

Tiny_tears My kids are being used against me
  • replies: 2

I have two kids under 10 and I see them every second weekend. I have court orders in place to say I have visitation rights. My ex is using my daughter as a weapon, if I don't talk to him when he demands I will not be allowed to see her. Yet if I requ... View more

I have two kids under 10 and I see them every second weekend. I have court orders in place to say I have visitation rights. My ex is using my daughter as a weapon, if I don't talk to him when he demands I will not be allowed to see her. Yet if I request to talk to him... I have to take legal steps and sent it to his lawyer or mail, but he will not give me his address or who is lawyer is. I was proventred from seeing her for 3 months, 8 weekend visits, because I was 10 mins late home from work on her drop of night.. I informed him early I was goin to be under half hour late.. But he wouldn't let me see her.. Its like anything he can find to make it hard for me he will.. I have tried legal action but I can't afford a lawyer and legal aid is taking for ever. I feel hopeless i just want to see her and give her a massive hug.He was to drop he off last weekend.. He came with her only, to inform me that he has sold his house n he is leaving the state.. She was in the car but I couldn't see her. It's literally tearing me apart this has been goin on for 3 years and its affecting me so much I just don't know what to do.. I'm an emotional mess all the time even my friends have backed off a bit because I'm always down and unhappy.. I just can't live like this.. My kids are my world.. It's driving me to thoughts of suiside.. And self harm I just not coping with it anymore beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sherman My second husband has left me and my kids , I'm not coping
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After 3 years together and 1 year of marriage my husband had taken his son and left me and my kids. We have been dealing with my ex in court and it's not going away anytime soon. When he disagrees with anything I do or say he goes off , yelling swear... View more

After 3 years together and 1 year of marriage my husband had taken his son and left me and my kids. We have been dealing with my ex in court and it's not going away anytime soon. When he disagrees with anything I do or say he goes off , yelling swearing and bring very confronting. After another argument about disipline he become confronting and I told him to leave the house. Today he has done so taking no responsibility for what he did at all my kids are devastated as am I and I can't function

Louise1 Giving him space but I have questions!
  • replies: 2

Just a little background. My hubby & I separated 9-10 months ago because I told him I needed out. I was suffering from self hatred but turning that on him & blaming him!!! (I didn't know this is what was happening until very recently) During the firs... View more

Just a little background. My hubby & I separated 9-10 months ago because I told him I needed out. I was suffering from self hatred but turning that on him & blaming him!!! (I didn't know this is what was happening until very recently) During the first few months he kept trying to "fix me" by showing me how much he loved me & I found this smothering pushing him even further away!!! He kept insisting I had depression so went to our GP to discuss & instead of looking at my mental health she assessed him & found that he had depression although not full blown it was enough for her to be concerned & giving medication to help!!! During this time he sought counselling but I was still in denial that any issues were mine so I wouldn't go to any counselling myself!!!! In the meantime he was putting out our wedding albums, hanging wedding pictures on the walls, telling me he loved me & I was beautiful in front of our kids which infuriated me because I kept thinking it was all a stunt to manipulate me, instead of seeing it as he actually did feel these things & was trying to help me!!! Anyway fast forward to now I have been seeking the help I should've gotten back then & realised I do really love him & always have & everything he was trying to do was to help me!!! I have told him everything & explained as much as I can but he has closed off to me & now pushing me away!!! This is killing me but I know I cannot push him to want to try again!! Anyway my issue is we had a big discussion the other night where I told him everything about hating myself & discovering how this is why I reacted the way I did!!! After asking some questions about "how did I not know I hated myself?" & me not really not knowing the answer yet or if I ever will, he has said he needs space which I am happy to give but I have some questions for him with regards to things he told me in this same conversation!! Should I ask him to talk some more, leave him be or give him the questions as I have written them down??? I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him like I felt pushed but I didn't have time to process the things he said to me when we talked the other night & I feel like I need to ask these questions!!!

Carter Strong feelings with wanting a baby
  • replies: 4

im 21 years old about to turn 22 unemployed on benefits with no life goals other then to have a baby, ive wanted a baby since i was 16 but have never actually gone as far as having unprotected sex and treating a guy into having one, i have been datin... View more

im 21 years old about to turn 22 unemployed on benefits with no life goals other then to have a baby, ive wanted a baby since i was 16 but have never actually gone as far as having unprotected sex and treating a guy into having one, i have been dating a guy for almost two years and my baby fever has gotten out of hand i dream about babies, think about them 24/7 and have made list with what i need and how much it will all cost , i look up on the internet about information and go on shopping sites looking at baby stuff last week i got upset after seeing someone with nappies in their trolleys wishing i could buy baby stuff myself its taken over me and it hurts so bad sometimes, im going nowhere in life i sit at home all day wishing i had a baby to look after im not interested in doing any courses ive already tried to do two and ive lost interest in doing it and didnt complete them i dont know how to switch off having these feelings i have no interest in anything else

Grilled_Whiting Any suggestions?
  • replies: 1

I have been married for 15 years and I have not had sex with my wife for 4 years. She says she is tired and just not interested but I think thats just a convenient excuse. Have tried talking about it but says she's not interested in it and fobs me of... View more

I have been married for 15 years and I have not had sex with my wife for 4 years. She says she is tired and just not interested but I think thats just a convenient excuse. Have tried talking about it but says she's not interested in it and fobs me off. The situation is getting ridiculous.

Outofsorts My husband doesn't get it
  • replies: 6

I don't know where to start...except in hindsight I've been suffering depression for Over 15 years. I've only just gone back on meds recently (was on them briefly a few years ago). In 2012 I quit a high paying job as I couldn't handle it anymore, hat... View more

I don't know where to start...except in hindsight I've been suffering depression for Over 15 years. I've only just gone back on meds recently (was on them briefly a few years ago). In 2012 I quit a high paying job as I couldn't handle it anymore, hated the industry, the long hours, the angry clients. I realise now I was depressed. My husband was infuriated with me. He's extremely money oriented and a micro manager. He thought I was being lazy and expecting him to bring in all the money. I did keep working but for a lot less money and only 4 days a week. We now have a little boy who is nearly 1 1/2 years old and the light of my life. I'm a stay at home mum but hubby is putting pressure on me to go back to work even though I don't have a job to go back to and we aren't desperate for it. But I don't feel ready. I love being at home raising my son and taking care of our house, yard etc. I get anxious when I think of looking for a job. I struggled with life when I was working before I had my son, like simple household tasks. I can't imagine how I would manage working even three days a week with a little one, even though I know people do it all the time. My husband doesn't realise how much I do around here so that he doesn't have to do it on the weekends. He doesn't realise how much this depression is crippling me...in his mind if I'm not "working" (at home or at a job) he thinks I'm being lazy. I'm originally from Canada and have been here 8 years now..hubby is Australian. I've lost all my confidence...I don't want to go back into my old industry but don't know what else to do. In addition, our love life is non-existent...I am just not interested...and hubby keeps putting pressure on me...even when going through IVF and finding out we haven't been successful...and then he keeps asking why I don't want to and we have the same bloody conversation over and over...and nothing changes. I don't know if our relationship is depressing me or if my depression is ruining our relationship. I just wish my husband could understand. I'm having trouble seeing my future beyond taking care of my son...I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up" I never have. I'm just feeling so stuck and lost.. I started taking trumpet lessons again, something I loved growing up, but I'm struggling to practice...just not motivated...I have no passion for anything and fear letting my son see this...Sorry for rambling. Everything is scrambled in my head.

Malokai Not ever married a year..
  • replies: 1

So, I married the girl I love Feb this year, things were going good or so it seemed. She met a guy at gym and was training with him pretty regular until one time I happened to find inappropriate messages between them admitting they had a crush on eac... View more

So, I married the girl I love Feb this year, things were going good or so it seemed. She met a guy at gym and was training with him pretty regular until one time I happened to find inappropriate messages between them admitting they had a crush on each other. I confronted her and she said she would not speak to him. However, she continued. Until eventually I said it was either him or me, she chose me. Told him the next day but 'hung out' for a little while after which I was upset about. We had a massive argument and she told me I smother her and don't give her room to be her own person, can I blame her when she wants to hang out with him and go to the movies etc with HIM. Anyways, so we had a week 'break' where she stayed at her folks. She came home the following weekend and broke up with me but wanted to remain friends. I have since moved back to my folks and it was two months shy of a year being married. I have since spoken to her and we have agreed to meet up and hang out, I feel so confused as I have had friends be supportive and when I tell them we are meeting up they seemed to have a negative response and don't like that I am. I am worried that I am still very confused and unsure if I wish to pursue reconciling with her because she has hurt/angered me with how she just 'gave up' without giving it one last try. I feel like I will lose friends and the respect of family but I can't just let her go. But I am unsure if I am just in the phase where I am missing 'what we had' and not her. I guess after seeing her will help with that. I want to take things really slow and not rush back into living together or anything, I want to make sure that we won't make that same mistake twice and I end up hurt. What's the best way to work out if I truly want to be with her and not 'what we had'? What is the best way to communicate and act around her that could make things work out between us? Any other advice will be helpful. I was very close with her family and they have been very supportive but of course she is their daughter and I have not heard from them since moving back to my parents house. But her family never wanted this to happen and have told me they hope it works out. Please help, I am so tired of all the ups and downs and want to know if I should pursue reconciling or just try and move on with my life.

sheisher didnt derserve me so I left, now its a mental game...
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Its been 8 months since I left him a boyfriend of 6 years that put me through a lot, cheating, lies, verbal abuse... I cant seem to shake off the scares he left, and each day I go in deeper and deeper into anger and sadness. At first it was ok when I... View more

Its been 8 months since I left him a boyfriend of 6 years that put me through a lot, cheating, lies, verbal abuse... I cant seem to shake off the scares he left, and each day I go in deeper and deeper into anger and sadness. At first it was ok when I walked away, I was happy that I was able to make a such a good decision, why now 8 months down the track am I feeling like this? Who do I go and talk to? Is this even worth talking about and how do I shake it off? Ive always been the type to sweep things under the rug, but I guess this one has caught up with me.