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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BecaC Isolated from people
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, i never thought I'd be the one to do this, but... I need advice, I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. The backstory to this is easy, when I was 14 my parents separated, I lived with my mother for a bit, but we didn't get along ver... View more

Hey everyone, i never thought I'd be the one to do this, but... I need advice, I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. The backstory to this is easy, when I was 14 my parents separated, I lived with my mother for a bit, but we didn't get along very well. We would get into physical, as well as verbal fights nearly every night, before it escalated into her kicking me out. I haven't seen her in 6 years. I went to live with my dad, which was fantastic, until my grandparents (about a year ago), moved in as well. They didn't like me because they hated my mother. I am, as to be understood by their claims everyday, a carbon copy of her in both looks and personality, which always left me very defensive, because I didn't want to be compared to the woman who threw me out. Eventually, the same thing happened again, and they quite frankly told me that I was no longer welcome. My dad was upset, but he made no move to help me at all, and still lives with my grandparents in his house. i tried staying with my aunt, but apparently I had upset my grandmother so much that she was "traumatised" and I wasn't welcome there either. i couldn't afford to live on my own, so I had to drop out of university half way through my course, and my manager (I work in fast food) said they'd promote me to Manager as well. I have no contact with my family, my friends at Uni no longer converse with me, and I didn't have too many friends in high school, certainly none now. I've moved stores so I could be a manager as well. I've never felt so alone in my life. I don't go out anymore, and I just feel like I'm losing my will to do anything. I'm struggling to see the point in doing anything anymore. I can't even comprehend the point. I have no idea how to handle the feelings, I just want to stop feeling so sad.

Guest_322 Complicated grief
  • replies: 63

Hi, So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing. Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's ofte... View more

Hi, So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing. Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's often at the back of my mind. When she was around, I used to write a lot. I lived in my own head. Imagination was my escape. But when she passed away, something inside me died too. I stopped writing, and I barely engage in any sort of creative writing these days. I'm fine with uni assessments and stuff like that but I don't really write creatively if that makes any sense. It feels weird but it feels as though I've lost some of my ability to imagine and create, which I'm sad about, and the turning point was her passing. Most days I feel okay- as in I have somewhat accepted- my past and her passing. But some days, like last night, I suddenly felt like I was 5 again, and just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. And the hardest part is sometimes I think that I'm doing okay but then it sort of all starts hurting again (and I often can't pinpoint the trigger). And I remember. Dottie x

Ricardo2 please help
  • replies: 13

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depr... View more

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depression, seen my GP but not had the results as yet. I do not feel comfortable talking to her. this morning she told me to take the kids and go to Melbourne for Christmas, as my family live there, I told her that is not an option. I am getting help and I have asked her to get help as well, but she does not believe she needs it. what do I do

livm88 Overprotective mother, still tries to be part of my decision making, but i'm 28?
  • replies: 4

Hi, So the story is i'm a late bloomer at most things in life so far, I'm 28 (f) and still living at home (I will admit due to poor choices along with being scared to move in the past). Three of my siblings have moved out long ago (all in their early... View more

Hi, So the story is i'm a late bloomer at most things in life so far, I'm 28 (f) and still living at home (I will admit due to poor choices along with being scared to move in the past). Three of my siblings have moved out long ago (all in their early 20's), it's just our youngest sister and I at home. As i've always been a bit of a loner, my mum and I have always been close, and done a lot of things together. Recently, I met my boyfriend (first) and have been spending a lot of time with him, which I know is perfectly normal. The problem is, I can see my mum getting annoyed by the fact I don't spend as much time with her anymore (I stay at his house a few nights a week). Another issue I've been having is that I can sense my mum getting irritated by the fact i've been agreeing or taking advice from him, while I once would have done everything my mum said or recommended. Now i'm looking at things from (to her) an outside perspective, and I suppose in her mind making opposite or 'wrong' choices. From my understanding, it's normal for someone to adopt views or habits of their partner in some ways. A recent example- I was going to have my car updated/fixed at her local mechanic, but when I told my bf how much it would cost, he recommended a guy he knew who could do it for much less and recently did the same for his car, so I agreed to go for it. When I told my mum i'd cancelled her guy she became very defensive in a way that made me feel like a naughty child! I guess my mum must feel she's losing me to him? But I'm starting to feel suffocated by her. I should also note, her mum became the same way as she aged, wanting to be around her all the time, acting clingy. My mum always said "I wont ever be like your grandma", but it's definitely happening.... She was able to let my other three siblings go, and has no say in their life (while still on good terms with them). When I try to explain how I feel to her, she gets all defensive and I have to act all apologetic and reassure her. My dad knows how I feel about it, and completely understands. What can I say to her? Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks, Olivia

mgd2016 My husband is depressed and won't seek help
  • replies: 9

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful c... View more

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful children who are 6 and 2.5. My husband got a very expensive divorce when we first got together, he could never get over all the money he lost and he used to blame for it (I still think he does even though he denies it). He is a hard working, loving and caring husband and father when he is at his best, but it has become quite rare to see him at his best. His work put immense strain on him, paired with massive financial problems (he's the sole income earner), he's been very nervous and moody, that is his 'normal' now. The accusations and nit-picking is quite relentless, I have a strong personality and will not allow him to treat me badly and that's where the problems begin, I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. I tried to start a little home business to help financially but his constant telling me my efforts do not make any difference to our finances and because me working annoyed him, and the accusations that by working I cannot give him or the kids the attention they (more like 'him') needs as I give my kids plenty of attention, this is all about him, not the kids, even though he uses them to manipulate me and try to make me feel guilty to get his way. Anyway, after 2 years of absolute hell I gave up my business as I can't deal with his accusations, annoyances and nit picking. I suggested he suffers from depression but he disagrees and won't do a thing to get help. He resents me because I am at home with the kids while he has to work, but he won't allow me to work either! I suffer from bad pms and I am on antidepressants. Because he is always moody we argue a lot and when I retaliate he blames my pms and says I'm a 'bitch'. The truth is, I can be quite understanding when I'm at my best, but when I have pms symptoms I get short and can't deal with his moods and constant picking. I am so tired of trying to reason with him, everything is my fault, no matter how awful he's been he won't apologize until I 'drill' it out and he will hold grudges sometimes for days on end. Sex and intimacy became non-existent. He gave up on it and to be honest I don't feel like being with him. Help! Thank you.

LaurKonig Worried my relationship is doomed.
  • replies: 3

Hi, not sure how to start this, will try keep it short. I've been with my boyfriend for over six years now. He is the most amazing guy, he is so patient, loving and kind. I'm 29 and have had depression since I was 16, my boyfriend is aware of this an... View more

Hi, not sure how to start this, will try keep it short. I've been with my boyfriend for over six years now. He is the most amazing guy, he is so patient, loving and kind. I'm 29 and have had depression since I was 16, my boyfriend is aware of this and has been nothing but supportive about it. He asked me to marry him a couple of months ago and I said yes, but honestly I don't know if I said yes because I love him or if I am just going through the motions. Our sex life is non-existant and has always been a struggle, as I often lose interest in sex for months and am unable to do anything remotely sexual if I am in one of my dark slumps. Then because we go so long without I start to feel that he is not attracted to me anymore and that I am disgusting and unloveable. He doesnt hit on me anymore because he's scared of setting off my anxiety around sex. So we just sit around and do nothing. Honestly I don't know if the issue is us as a couple, or if its just my depression. Would I be like this with another man? I've never been in another relationship so I honestly do not know. But I'm scared that if I break it off with him to go find out, I'll lose the best partner I could ever have. We've discussed this a few times and couples therapy has been suggested and agreed to, but then we never go through with it. We're always saying we should do things and then never doing anything. I feel so lost and alone in this relationship and I cannot tell if its him or me.

Syd74 Where do I start
  • replies: 6

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for... View more

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for me 10 times more than anybody in my life. Apart from my mother who physically worked harder than many men picking pineapples for yrs while me & my brother were just down right terrible fowl mouth menaces, this woman gained my respect & love. But now 3yrs later still smoking that crap my gf is & was battling with depression. I'm struggling with my addiction but it's nothing compared too what my girl is going thru,she is so screwed up its terrible. I'm not goin too give up on her even tho we're not married or have kids but I have tried too forget her but I can't & never will. This girl has had some bad luck but in the last few yrs I see it as "depressions luck"geez she keeps setting herself up for a big fall,it's so infuriating too watch or more so hear what happened after only because I'm not involved. I want too leave this small town which she never left her whole life with her & be nomads around Australia. Is that gonna help I don't no?

BunnyMuffin Dealing with the anger
  • replies: 23

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status... View more

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status. Working holiday visas, defacto visas and finally citizenship. Our physical relationship ended about 3 years ago due to his emotional issues surrounding his relationship with his mother and abuses he suffered as a child/teenager. I wanted to leave him but didn't feel I could due to the fact that he has no one is this country besides myself and my family. I encouraged him to seek help and he finally saw a counselor. After 3 sessions he came home and told me that his counselor thought he had abandonment issues. My reaction was to tell him that I would never leave him. Right after his very next counselling session a month later, he decided to end the relationship. He wanted to remain friends and he wants to remain a part of my family. He told me that he no longer looks at me "like that" and that he has been getting "urges" which I took to mean sexual urges. He also told me that he and his counselor had formed the conclusion that he may never be able to sustain another long term meaningful relationship due to the abuses he suffered. For the last 3 months I have been OK with that until I saw his profile on Tinder. He has also stopped seeing his counselor because they decided that he "no longer needs help and that he seems fine now he has ended the relationship with me". I feel so much anger towards him, my days are full of rage. I don't love him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him but he remains my best friend. I want him to still be my best friend but I can barely look at him let alone be around him. Yet, I miss him when he is gone. I am carrying around so much anger towards him. I feel like my whole life for the past 10 years has been completely consumed by him and his needs and now I have just been thrown away like I am nothing. I feel like everything he said to me during the breakdown of our relationship was a complete lie and I can longer trust him. When I try to tell him how I feel all he can do is focus on how my words hurt him and he can not see things from my point of view. I just want to feel normal again. I have lost so much weight that people comment on it every single day. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I am on the verge of angry tears all the time.

p_lifter Breaking up / depression feelings rising
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than... View more

Hey guys, I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than my family (my sister and I are really close). I have no issues socially interacting with new people, making friends or catching up with acquaintances, I'm just finding that I have no friends that would do that for me and ask me if I would like to catch up. It's always me making the effort and I never get invited out... so I always feel lonely. I think I've narrowed it down to my ex partner, I'm currently writing this late at night and this would be our time spent together (she was super busy so we would always hang out at night) and now she isn't here I just feel so bored like I mentioned and that I have no purpose to fulfill (we were working towards moving out to the country). I miss her alot and I always want to talk to her but I don't want to invade her bubble since she doesn't want that with me anymore. I guess I'm just struggling coping with the loss of a lover and a best friend again and I'm finding it really hard to keep my mind straight. I think I've annoyed her enough telling her how I feel and what I want from her that I just shouldn't talk to her. I'm a powerlifter so i exercise frequently, I work, I play video games, but nothing is taking my mind off any of it and I just sit there and dwell playing the video game or mid set at the gym. Each day that goes by I'm just getting more and more into a slump and no matter how much i talk about it with my parents or my sister it just feels like it is getting worse and I feel like the more I write the more my tone is changing and I'm really scared of falling back into what I was a couple of years ago when I was really depressed because I had a relationship end the same way and I don't know what to do anymore... to fix these recurring feelings and relationship issues.

changeisneeded dealing with an unmedicated bipolar spouse
  • replies: 11

Hi All I'm new here and would like some advice on how to deal with my partner of 30 years with bipolar. I have BPD but I'm currently on anxiety medication and quite happy to see a therapist again but he wont let me, he's an extremely private person a... View more

Hi All I'm new here and would like some advice on how to deal with my partner of 30 years with bipolar. I have BPD but I'm currently on anxiety medication and quite happy to see a therapist again but he wont let me, he's an extremely private person and because he has been abusive to me I feel he doesnt want that brought up but he says that therapy only feeds the BPD mind and its no good for me - thats another issue. Currently I have an issue where I hit rock bottom, having dramas at home and work. I have no family (disowned them due to childhood abuse) and have found my way out of the darkness and then it starts again. I cant say exactly what was said if he knew I was posting - well he wouldnt be happy about that! Basically things have been good ok for a few weeks and yesterday I stuffed up. I brought up something that he has told me prior not to as it triggers him so I realise it was my fault there. I dont know why I brought it up was just an automatic thing. I apologised as soon as I did it but it just made things worse. Now he is constantly putting words in my mouth saying by what I said means that I hate him etc and I never compliment him on his looks (which is true) and only bring negative things to his attention about him. So now I'm getting a rant of how ugly I am, how fat I am, I must be the fattest person around, anything cutting and cruel he can say. I am handling it better than I used to due to increase in meds probably but I'm worried about going home tonight after work. As I left this morning he was just yelling vile and hurtful things to me - I dont respond at all which is really hard for me with BPD. Sometimes that works for me and sometimes its like he will keep going until he pushes me beyond my limit and I crack and then he will have go off about that. Its like he needs to get it out of his system and I dont know if this is coincidence but it happens monthly. Often I think "wow" is it a full moon and no its always half and it happens at this time every month just about. I dont know if its me as he blames everything on my BPD since I was diagnosed and his issues have faded into the distance and when I do bring them us he gets extremely angry and abusive so I dont bring it up anymore for my own safety basically. I know you will probably say I should leave but I do know that my issues have caused some of this but not all of it. How do you handle someone who is in a rage and doesnt let me walk out the room to calm down?

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