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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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thisperson Whenever I ask my partner for emotional support he has a panic attack and I end up taking care of him.
  • replies: 7

I have been with my husband for 3 years after meeting in highschool. I am on the autistic spectrum (formerly Asperger's Syndrome) and have ADHD. I am also somewhat depressed. My partner also has his own psychological issues including depression and h... View more

I have been with my husband for 3 years after meeting in highschool. I am on the autistic spectrum (formerly Asperger's Syndrome) and have ADHD. I am also somewhat depressed. My partner also has his own psychological issues including depression and high levels of anxiety. I have always been a supportive husband and have never judged my partner for requiring significantly more care than I do, but recently I have been going through a patch of depression. I am currently seeing a therapist for my conditions and for the most part have been able to manage my symptoms without needing any assistance from my partner. But every now and then (mostly recently) I have needed and asked for support from my partner, which he claims to be willing to provide. But as soon as I try to open up he will have a panic attack and I end up taking care of him. I understand that he has a lot more issues than I do and requires more emotional support, but I feel as if I shouldn't be scared of feeling depressed or anxious out of fear of causing him to have a panic attack. Even attempts to discuss this with him either result in panic attack, no matter how delicately I try to put it. I truly love this man. But I am sick of feeling as if my problems do not matter or are less significant than his. What should I do?

Zed13 Reforming bond with partner
  • replies: 2

My husband and I are from overseas, we've been here 7 years and have moved around a lot following work. I am very lonely, very unhappy and desperate to go back home. He has agreed that we will return home, but financially we cannot afford it for a co... View more

My husband and I are from overseas, we've been here 7 years and have moved around a lot following work. I am very lonely, very unhappy and desperate to go back home. He has agreed that we will return home, but financially we cannot afford it for a couple of years. While he does want to return home, he has many desires to remain here in Oz at least for several more years. However, we have agreed that in the long run we will be better off at home. We have just moved (yet again) and I am at home with our daughter, I am pregnant and feeling very lonely and isolated. I am doing what I can to make new friends, and meet new people, but these things don't necessarily happened quickly nor does it mean friendships will be meaningful. My husband is pretty much OK with not having many friends, he spends a lot of time of Facebook talking to old friends from back home. We really don't have a very fulfilling life, and it seems to have been years since we last did. The last few weeks have been really difficult between us, we have argued a lot, I've cried a lot and it's had a negative effect on our daughters behaviour. I am struggling with low mood, and low energy levels. My husband is not happy with me, he has consented to return home years sooner than he would have ideally liked, but he is doing this to keep us together and because he loves us. I am unsure how we can continue to move forwards without any resentment building between us. We have not been intimate for a long time, I often feel like we are either skirting around each other or we end up having uncomfortable conversations. I am not sure that at this point in time anything we do will make either of us happy, I don't think he fully considers how hard life is for me alone, with a small child in a new city and not knowing anyone. We haven't had a date night since our daughter was born, we have only a two occasions on which we were together and child free. This hasn't helped, we have no-one other than each other and I think that alone adds to our tensions. Anyone have any ideas of how to maintain a relationship through stressful times?

Hope45 Brokenhearted again.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am a 45 year old woman. 2 kids, 19 and 16. Had them with my 1st husband, with him for 15 years and then he had an affair and left. Second husband was abusive, both controlling and emotionally abusive the whole 10 years we lasted. He lived in NS... View more

Hi, I am a 45 year old woman. 2 kids, 19 and 16. Had them with my 1st husband, with him for 15 years and then he had an affair and left. Second husband was abusive, both controlling and emotionally abusive the whole 10 years we lasted. He lived in NSW so was long distance. Then dated a nice man who i met online for 1 and half years, he then left me saying he met someone else on line. Break in between. Then was brave enough to have another go on-line. Met an Italian man i have been dating for 4 months. I fell hard for this one. Now he has met another girl. A girl that came back into his life from the past. And he wants to give it a go, while still seeing me. I said no of course. But this time i feel more shattered and destroyed than ever before. I have lived as a single parent for 14 years. I dont need a man in my life but I want one. Im lonely to my core. Would love to have a partner to share life with. I am now at the stage where I think its useless to keep trying. I feel i am never going to have a life partner. My heart aches.

Sweetdog69 University going husband is probably cheating
  • replies: 5

I'm 30 yo . Me and my husband got married 2.5 years ago and have a baby girl 10 months of age. My husband is going to UNI and in the first year of study. Since he started UNI , there are lot of behavior changes in him. He has secured his phone with a... View more

I'm 30 yo . Me and my husband got married 2.5 years ago and have a baby girl 10 months of age. My husband is going to UNI and in the first year of study. Since he started UNI , there are lot of behavior changes in him. He has secured his phone with a passcode which he never did before. Even when asked he denied to let me even touch his phone. He is outside at least 3 days a week till 1 am midnight and the reason is that , he has placements after lectures . Does placements go till that late at night? Thanks

Katiemumof2 Problems with my In Laws
  • replies: 8

HiAt the time of our first child's birth (seven years ago)my husband had a mental breakdown he suffered psychosis, including auditory delusions and paranoia.My husband is now well and has moved on from his illness. And we both have good jobs.I still ... View more

HiAt the time of our first child's birth (seven years ago)my husband had a mental breakdown he suffered psychosis, including auditory delusions and paranoia.My husband is now well and has moved on from his illness. And we both have good jobs.I still feel traumatized by these events. His family never offered any practical support. We chose to remain involved with them. I thought it was the best thing to do.My Husband and his two older brothers were raised by his step father since my husband was two.They have no contact with their biological dad.The stepfather is a binge drinking alcoholic and a bully.He bullies my husbands mum and hischildren and our children (especially our yongest).My In laws have two adult children together a daughter and a son.My husbands sister is also a bully to us and our kids( she has called my husband a " fucking psyco"). The youngest son is a drug addict. My mother in law has been unable to have an ongoing relationship with one of her older sons for many yearsand more recently the other son had stopped communicating with her.My mother in law would tell me that her other sons wiveswere “crazy" "lazy""manipulative" "bitches" " bad mothers".My sister in law openly admitted tomy husband one day that she and her husband had been using drugs when theywent out.My husband decided to tell his mother.Thisobviously backfired and my mother in law became angry and flat out denied thather daughter would be using drugs around her children.My mother in law became hostile towards me when we were next in contact.I decided to ask her why she was so hostiletowards me she denied this behavior.Within a day I received many threatening textmessages from her younger son .Hethreatened me with violence if I gave his mother a hard time again.Things have deteriorated in the last six months.Initially my husband and I both decided to stop answering their phone calls and stopspending time with them.This lasted for about four months.His mother has been inviting him to catch up with themand bring our children (not me).I feel so uncomfortable about mykids spending time with them without my presence. Ourrelationship is suffering because of this.My husband refuses to talk to meabout it and I feel he blames me for what has happened.I feel generally sad and hopeless about my situation.Not many of my friends understand my decision to distance myselfand my kids from their grandparents and family.

BBUser99 Too weird to make friends
  • replies: 5

I feel really lonely lately. I literally have zero friends.I haven't had a friend in 4-5 years. Even back then, I only had a fewfriends. But they all turned out to be fake, backstabbing, or got intodrugs and alcohol when I don't touch any of that stu... View more

I feel really lonely lately. I literally have zero friends.I haven't had a friend in 4-5 years. Even back then, I only had a fewfriends. But they all turned out to be fake, backstabbing, or got intodrugs and alcohol when I don't touch any of that stuff. Many left mebecause they called me too "boring" for not being into that stuff. Ihaven't actually hung out with anyone who wasn't a partner or family forover 4-5 years... I don't even have those online acquaintances mostpeople talk to every now and then.I feel because of myanxiety, awkwardness, and lack of unique or interesting features, I justcan't make friends, and definitely can't maintain them... But I reallymiss having a good friend or two. I feel I am a different soulfrom others around me, Iike I wasn't meant for this time, or thisplanet. I can't relate to anyone. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, sothat really narrows down who wants to hang out with me. I have weirdinterests (Japanese culture, horror movies, movies in general, medicalscience, criminology, alternative music, alternative fashion, bodymodifications like piercings and tattoos, things deriving from Buddhismand Wicca, reading, drawing, watching/reading about the news, astronomy,horse riding, 70's-90's music, Japanese music, etc). How can Imake friends? Can I even make friends anymore? I'm 25 next month, I amawkward, shy, have no confidence, always feel ugly and fat, I am notstylish or fun or anything. I read a lot, so all I can do is tell peoplerandom facts that they don't care about

Marg61 I'm caught in the middle
  • replies: 8

I really don't know what to do anymore. I am the eldest of 3 daughters. One sister lives an hour away, my other sister lives interstate. My mum is in her late 70's and is causing us some concern health wise. Mum is quite belligerent and is determined... View more

I really don't know what to do anymore. I am the eldest of 3 daughters. One sister lives an hour away, my other sister lives interstate. My mum is in her late 70's and is causing us some concern health wise. Mum is quite belligerent and is determined to have her own way and do things her own way. The sister who lives an hour away is a medical professional (who believes she is right) and wants to control mum's health issues. They are constantly at logger heads and are baiting each other. My interstate sister has spoken to both of them to no avail. I have mum complaining to me about my sister. My sister tells me that mum is manipulating me and others. If anything both are being manipulating. Nothing I say or do is right or good enough. I understand they need to vent. I have some major issues at work that I need to deal with this week (they both know about these issues), yet they both continue to 'dump' on me. I hate being caught in the middle.

DaveKay I've let down my wife, now she needs a break
  • replies: 10

This is so hard to write... my wife (of 4years) called tonight to say she's had enough, and I don't blame her. we're currently living part as she's just moved interstate for work with the 2 kids (3yo & 18m). I went up to visit yesterday, to look at h... View more

This is so hard to write... my wife (of 4years) called tonight to say she's had enough, and I don't blame her. we're currently living part as she's just moved interstate for work with the 2 kids (3yo & 18m). I went up to visit yesterday, to look at houses to buy. We had n argument and finally enough is enough. We have the same argument about the same thing. I feel she doesn't appreciate the hard work, sacrifices and contributions I make and she feels I don't help her enough. It ends in shouting and, this is the root of our problems, me swearing at her. After years of this, last night was finally the deal breaker. I completely understand this, the way it makes her feel and how abusive it is. It's reactionary, driven from anger and frustration, and completely at odds with how much I love her. i need to get this fixed and i don't know where to start. I don't think trying to resolve how I view our differences will help. I want to stop flaring up. I want to stop getting so angry when I feel something is unfair. I want to stop swearing, lashing out and being so disrespectful. ive tried to make changes myself over the years, it hasn't worked. I'm long overdue in getting this sorred I'm looking for help to work out where to start. If it takes getting hypnotised to tweet like a bird instead of swearing ill do it. We're going to have a few weeks break with no contact, and I'm determined to be a better man. any advice would be greatly apprecaited. Cheers,DK

Oigles76 Absolutely heartbroken
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I just split up with my partner of 3 years suddenly 3 weeks ago, and the pain of losing her isnt going away - I cant sleep or eat properly, and I cant stop thinking of her all the time. What am I do?? I am 40 next month and have an autism s... View more

Hi there, I just split up with my partner of 3 years suddenly 3 weeks ago, and the pain of losing her isnt going away - I cant sleep or eat properly, and I cant stop thinking of her all the time. What am I do?? I am 40 next month and have an autism spectrum disorder, which has profoundly affected my ability to have relationships in the past, my previous longest relationship was six months, I "let myself go" this time and loved this person like i've never loved before, I truly thought this person was "the one", a person who understood me and loved me for who I was, and that I could finally maybe get married to her one day. The break up was really sudden, she said she loved me up until the day before but then she had a meltdown on the night, storming out of my house and calling me half an hour later to say it was over without sitting down and explaining why first. She also has mental health issues stemming from a previous abusive realtionship, on the night she said she had "suicidal fantasies" which really upset and hurt me also. I've tried not to contact her but I facebook messaged one of her friends the other day to see how she was, partly out of heartbreak and partly out of concern as she had mentioned these thoughts on the night we broke up. She found out and emailed me and said that she thinks that the end of the relationship was for the best, and she's going to start dating online again soon, but she still wants to see me as a friend, and that her children are coping better than expected because they know they'll see me again if we stay friends - I felt this was a really confusing message? She also said she wants to meet for a walk some time soon as the kids want to see me, I have come across websites that recommend 30 days of no contact, so I am going to attempt to do that and see how I feel before meeting her - does anyone have any advice?? My heart loves her so much, and wants to meet as friends a couple of times to see if we can reconnect with a sense of fun and then maybe try and rekindle the relationship if we work through our issues, but I guess if I do this I have to be prepared for it not to work and things to go sour - although im going to try and use this 30 no contact period to re wire my feelings away from this almost "unconditional" love . I just felt this person was one of a kind, and the risk is worth it if we could work through the issues and reunite. Any thoughts are appreciated.

ericamaria90 Husband's priorities
  • replies: 1

My husband walked out me 6 months ago, a week before I gave birth to our first child (who was planned). His reasonings were because he said he didn't know how he felt about anything/everything anymore, this included me. He didn't want to talk about i... View more

My husband walked out me 6 months ago, a week before I gave birth to our first child (who was planned). His reasonings were because he said he didn't know how he felt about anything/everything anymore, this included me. He didn't want to talk about it and just said it was over. I have recently discovered that his family is the reason behind our separation. I would never expect my husband to choose between his family and me/his son, but it is heartbreaking to know that he has allowed them to come between us and destroy the family he created with me especially when our family was just about to start. Every time I try to talk to my husband about his priorities and how his immediate family (our son and I) should come first before anyone else on the outside and for us to sit down and talk, he gets defensive. I don't know what to do anymore. For the last 6 months I have been trying to save our marriage and our little family but to my husband we are just easy to dispose of and he couldn't careless. Whenever it comes to him seeing his son, which he has barely seen, he would rather go see his parents than his own son. I don't know what to say to him anymore to try to get him to realise what he has thrown away because he couldn't put his family priorities In order. I am at my wits end