Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Misunderstood When will this stop
  • replies: 2

I have been suffering from depression for many years and most of those years I have been in denial, when something bad happens I go on medication then I feel better and then I get off the medication and around the roller coaster I go. I have been a s... View more

I have been suffering from depression for many years and most of those years I have been in denial, when something bad happens I go on medication then I feel better and then I get off the medication and around the roller coaster I go. I have been a self harmer but have learnt not to do this after a very bad stint in December 2014. In the last 9 months I have gone through a massive emotional roller coaster. My partner left me in November 2014 and treated me like I was nothing to him, his family were making up stories and causing even more distress. I was a mess, one month later I let him back against my better judgement but I loved him and I told him what we needed to do to change. Nothing changed it actually seemed more and more that I was being used and I let him know this. April 30th 2015 I suddenly lost my dad, my partner was there for me (so I thought) he was hurting too. But 4 months later I am back with my partner walking out on me again and dumping me by text on the 16th Sept while I am at work. I get home and all his stuff is gone again. Has blocked me from everything and has not even given me any idea of what has happened. I am hurt I have questions, I found out that he has been talking to my best friend and my Uncle but no one is telling me anything. He took stuff that was my dad's just because be believed they were his to claim. His mum has slammed the door in my face twice when I went to talk to him and to get my dad's stuff. I did everything for this guy, after all the lies and health issues and pain he has caused me I still supported him. I don't understand how someone who says they love you and then walk away, if my depression is so bad why didn't he seek help with me, half the time I didn't even realise I was as bad as I apparently was. I am so heart broken and just want him to face me and to really think about what he does to me. Sending texts to my mum, friend and Uncle to look after me is such a coward way. Why do I get treated this way when I have asked for the support and help.

AdamB My wife is about to become a courtesan, Has a Dom as well. WTF?<object type="cosymantecnisbfw" cotype="cs" id="SILOBFWOBJECTID" style="width: 0px; height: 0px; display: block;"></object>
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Been reading a few stories here. Seems that though my story is somewhat unique, my pain is not. We moved recently from Newcastle to Sydney. Years of difficult and patchy employ with two little boys on one income took it's toll. Basically there has be... View more

Been reading a few stories here. Seems that though my story is somewhat unique, my pain is not. We moved recently from Newcastle to Sydney. Years of difficult and patchy employ with two little boys on one income took it's toll. Basically there has been an agreed openness to our marriage but never before the opportunity to act on it. Now, it seems to be open slather and I really wasn't ready! I'm not going to play any kind of victim. though she is driving this, I have been supportive to a great degree. I've faced the challenges head on and have done my best to put coping strategies in place. But they are away over the weekend and after dropping them off I went to Paddo markets and found myself struggling not to cry. I feel really broken inside. Is it PTSD? Will it pass?There's a massive sexual disconnect and this leads to a loss of the fundamental connection. This gentlemen I think is the thing that really gets us. We put tremendous effort into connecting with and then protecting and nurturing our relationships. I was raised a feminist and have been the one who gave my girls whatever they wanted, to the best of my ability. I see now that this has been a total mistake. A man cannot be a feminist and partner with a lot of women as they actually crave a man that is stronger and is really driving the boat. I was so busy keeping ours afloat I could not see this until recently. It was only when I heard her glee at being controlled and dominated I really got it. I don't think she wants to leave but I can see that if I don't find my strength and leadership I will lose what little remains. I think we must lead. Own our pain. Be great dads for our children. Be honest with ourselves about our own behaviour Own our stuff, you know? And support each other.Adam

Eggy222 Advice
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 2 years however over the past 6 months we have been constantly fighting about everyday things. Our relationship has been so tumultuous because of this and for a few months I had been feeling like I wasn't sure if I wan... View more

I have been with my partner for 2 years however over the past 6 months we have been constantly fighting about everyday things. Our relationship has been so tumultuous because of this and for a few months I had been feeling like I wasn't sure if I wanted to break up with him however whenever I mentioned this he would tell me if I did I would be alone and have no friends or support because he was the only one in my life that was there for me and that I would be a lonely little girl that would cry myself to sleep every night, so I would go back to how it was. My mum has also recently moved overseas for work, she was my best friend in the whole world, and so I was feeling so alone especially when my partner and I would fight. The last weekend I went to the party with all my high school friends who I haven't seen for many years- partly because of my relationship. It was great because it felt like the old fun times I remember from high school. At the end of the night I was extremely drunk (only saying this for contextual purposes not as an excuse) I kissed one the guys at the party I had known in high school. As soon as I did it I felt terrible and knew it was so wrong. I left straight away. I told my boyfriend the next day and expectedly he was so angry like never before. He said he hated me and that he was moving out and we were over. He stayed with his friend the next night. We talked but he called me every name under the son, which I know I deserve. Since I did what I did it has been like a light switch has flicked inside me. The pain I have seen from it and that I am also feeling is something I never want to cause again. I will never do it again and I have realised that my boyfriend is my person and that one stupid mistake hurt him so much, I have realised the extent of how much I love him, it is so clear now after so many months of confusion. He has agreed to give me another chance however he seems so distant and Im scared he will never trust me again. He won't kiss me. I am so anxious and depressed, especially as I have a history of diagnosed anxiety. I love him so much and know what I have done is so so wrong but I want to show him that it is not me. How can I continue and show him this? I understand it will take time for him to heal and forgive if he can but how do I proceed from here? How can I help him get through it?

Internal_Sadness Accept, moving on but keeping options open ...
  • replies: 3

I always tell myself I will just forget the bad stuff from females in my life relationship wise, move on and things will improve and just continue to being a nice guys and eventually the right lady will come along. Is it a bad or ok thing if I leave ... View more

I always tell myself I will just forget the bad stuff from females in my life relationship wise, move on and things will improve and just continue to being a nice guys and eventually the right lady will come along. Is it a bad or ok thing if I leave my options open incase those certain ladies in the past change their mind and contact me? or should I shut the door on that forever? Thing is, I will never know I am wasting my time or not moving on BUT allowing them to contact me if they want to in the future. So question is, to allow them to contact me in the future and I move on with life in the mean time? YES or NO? And why or why not? Advice would be wonderful.

Jules73 Cant stop thinking about it
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So my husband had been messaging this girl and I just happen to read the messages and there was nothing to much going on just one comment that sticks into my head that I cant get out (called her his football team girl)cant really go say what the firs... View more

So my husband had been messaging this girl and I just happen to read the messages and there was nothing to much going on just one comment that sticks into my head that I cant get out (called her his football team girl)cant really go say what the first word was otherwise you will all know where I live, but it hurt to say the least,We have been together for 20 years he says there is nothing in it and I believe him and he has never done anything in the 20 years that we have been together that suggest he would cheat, But the communication he had with this girl is hurting me so much confiding in her cant get it out of my head, I cant sleep I cant eat I feel depressed all the time I keep thinking about it constantly he has know contact with her now as I spoke to him how I feel and he tells me I am being ridiculous and they are just friends and he enjoyed her friendship I sent her a message saying to stay away from him don't call or talk to him which she has done she assured me there was nothing going on that they were just friends but still I cant get it out of my head its driving me crazy I think about it night and day and I don't know what to do

Struggler Parents Of Adult Children, Did Any Of You Cut Your Grown Up Children Out Of Your Will?
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I am contemplating just that, removing my younger child from my will. This is not just a fleeting thought. It has been on my mind for years. I think this will also help reduce sadness I feel everyday. I'd like to hear from parents who experience the ... View more

I am contemplating just that, removing my younger child from my will. This is not just a fleeting thought. It has been on my mind for years. I think this will also help reduce sadness I feel everyday. I'd like to hear from parents who experience the same. Struggler

Beeva My adult daughter has cut me out of her life
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Over the past years my daughter has chosen to disastance herself from me. This has been a gradual. If I call her she is polite but aloud . She never calls me. On her 50th birthday there was a " family" get together. I was not invited. I had no knowle... View more

Over the past years my daughter has chosen to disastance herself from me. This has been a gradual. If I call her she is polite but aloud . She never calls me. On her 50th birthday there was a " family" get together. I was not invited. I had no knowledge of the event until my granddaughter ( my sons daughter) rang to ask if I was attending. She avoids family get together so at Xmas even though I have invited her numerous times. When I asked her what the matter is and why she has decided to disassociate herself and her family from me her response was "don't go there, I'm dealing with it". We have really never been close but I truly cannot see what I have done to deserve the way she now treats me. I feel that she is punishing me! Occasions such as birthdays, never a card or a visit, usually just a text message. It damages me greatly and I try to live my life as positively as I can but it sends me into a deep hole each time there is a birthday or celebration. How best can I deal with this . Friends say just "get on with your life" but it's always there hurting.

Tuppeny Newbie
  • replies: 1

Hi, My husband has mild cognitive impairment which is getting worse so the dreaded dementia is looming. Most days I am okay but there are some where I feel really sad also angry and frustrated. He served in Vietnam and was a heavy drinker for years a... View more

Hi, My husband has mild cognitive impairment which is getting worse so the dreaded dementia is looming. Most days I am okay but there are some where I feel really sad also angry and frustrated. He served in Vietnam and was a heavy drinker for years after and life has been hard but I kept our family together. He stopped drinking some years ago and just when life was starting to feel good his memory began to fail him. My two children are grown up now and have families of their own. I feel sad, angry and frustrated some days as I feel that I have been robbed of any sort of happy life. Were it not for my children and their partners I would have cashed it in long ago. Most days I feel strong and say to myself that I am a survivor but there's always that odd day when sadness overcomes me and I wish things were different. No way would I end my life and leave my beautiful children to have to deal with their father. They have suffered enough from his abusive drunken behaviour. So why didn't I leave him years ago I hear you say. Because I have always thought that Service in Vietnam created this problem not him

wanted_a_simple_life I feel guilty for moving on
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My wife left me over six months ago and moved away with my children. I have fought to get her back and tried so hard with no success. I have now met someone and I actually like her, alot. She is stunning inside and out and we have connected at an emo... View more

My wife left me over six months ago and moved away with my children. I have fought to get her back and tried so hard with no success. I have now met someone and I actually like her, alot. She is stunning inside and out and we have connected at an emotional level and talked about our pasts. Even though things are great, I cant help to think guilty for moving on in my mind cause since I have met her, I havent had the desire to be with my ex wife. Im mainly guilty when I think about my kids and how I have given up on giving them the upbringing I had. I never imagined they would grow up in a broken family, but I have no choice in the matter. My ex wife has made this choice.....Am I being silly for thinking this way??

Kree Boyfriend cheated - I can't forgive
  • replies: 9

I'm 40, I left my emotionally abusive husband of 17yrs for a long-distant relationship. Two years on, he became cold, distant and I noticed some very constant bantering between him and a woman on FB. I confronted him about it when he visited me in Ap... View more

I'm 40, I left my emotionally abusive husband of 17yrs for a long-distant relationship. Two years on, he became cold, distant and I noticed some very constant bantering between him and a woman on FB. I confronted him about it when he visited me in April, and he assured me there was no interest on his end. I figured I was just going through depression and anxiety again and I needed to go back on my meds with the horrible side effects but the panic and suspicion never left. When I went to visit him in July, I needed to use his computer and I found videos he'd made for her during the time he was cold toward me. I confronted him and he assured me he ended it mid-March, had not actually sent the videos (I call BS, but that's for him to feel guilty about) that it was an ego boost and he'd been angry about something I said and had refused to discuss it. He appeared to be genuinely sorry for his indiscretion, and as he'd been back to his normal self for a while I figured he had ended it. We exhausted our discussion and made love and immediately he gets a text from her asking if he'd killed their private fb group! He told me he had unfriended her, but he kept a naughty group just for them going? And still texting her? I have since had major trust issues and he has, to his credit, been accepting my verbal beatings and constantly bringing up how hurt I am. Recently, I joined Twitter and found him there. A lot of the people he's following are gorgeous women who's profile pics are them with bikini or less and he commented just a few days ago on one of them who posted a selfie. I went off the handle (figured I don't need meds because I was right about him cheating after all - it wasn't in my head). I can't handle his perving. I have severe body dysmorphia and obsessive compulsive personality disorder with my anxiety and depression. A little discretion would have been appreciated so I stop thinking I'm the equivalent of a microwave dinner, rather than the fillet mignon he saw at a restaurant. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again because I never forgive; but I can't seem to end it. We do have many really great memories and I WANT to go back to that serotonin high I had last year and the year before while I felt like the only woman in his mind. Now I feel like I'm just the woman who is ugly enough for a shy guy to feel comfortable talking to while he's thinking of someone else. Has anyone else with these sorts of problems been able to truly forgive?