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Husband dropped the bomb he has 3 kids to 2 other women

Martins
Community Member
Hi so I am newly married my husband waited till after our marriage to drop the bombs he said it was because I wouldn't be with him if I had known but to be honest I don't know if I want to be with him now that I know he is a liar. If he can hide 3 small people and 2 women whom he still has relationships with obviously because they have children together but he refuses to tell them he is married so the conversations inevitably get inappropriate fast,I am hoping there is someway I can get some perspective from other people. How do I move forward with this sitting on my shoulders.
5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

It is simply ridiculous and unacceptable for him to have such secrets. End of story.

As for coping, the mere shock of learning about this would require time to overcome. His ability to tell lies to you has created a serious trust issue.

How you deal with this is totally your choice and no one should try to push their own moral barrow on you. Such choice, if it is to separate, is understandable and fight the guilt and stigma of it.

I just tan your post past my eife and she said "some people do stupid things" referring to your husband...and "how can you get over the mistrust"?

Deal with it your way, whatever that is.

I hope I've helped.

TonyWK

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Martins,

I would just like to say, you are married to this guy, that doesn't mean you have to stay married to him!

Like Tony mentioned, it is totally your decision alone as to what you do.

Three months after my first marriage my husband told me "What is your is mine, what is mine is my own. You are my wife. You are my slave."

He started beating me up and worse. I left. I wasn't going to live like that.

You have choices. He has made his own choices. You don't have to live with them.

Cheers from Dools

grt123
Community Member
The last thing you want to be doing is reading a book right now so let me paraphrase from How To Love by Gordon Livingston MD. Personality traits don't exist in isolation - but in 'constellations'. Good ones (kindness, honesty, empathy, humour etc) tend to be found together just as bad ones (cruelty, dishonesty, selfishness etc) coexist. Your husband has exposed some serious flaws and there'll be more where that came from.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi GRT,

That is a very good piece of literature. I love it when we can clarify things with words.

A little like when I have severe anxiety my therapist said "so when are you Tony going to stop saving the world"? It hit me like a giant logical building lol.

Martins- I hope you are ok. This period is a transitional period and please remember- you will survive and you will have a great life in the future once this has settled down and you find direction one way or the other.

tonyWK

Quercus
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Martins and welcome.

All of the posts so far have been solid and I agree with them.

But I wanted to raise another issue that for me is very important. Obtaining an annulment through the church and through the government. This is not the same as divorce.

An anullment says the marriage was invalid in the eyes of God and never existed. It also says by law you were never married.

One accepted reason to ask for an annulment is fraud and deceit. This man lied to you to get you to marry him. He hid issues from you that he knew you would not accept. If you had known you would not have married him.

This is a good website that explains it...

www.gotocourt.com.au/family-law/annulment-of-marriage/

Obviously I don't know if you share my beliefs and it is ok if you don't. But if in the future you wanted to marry someone and they wished to marry in church you will require an annulment.

Another reason this might help you is for closure. Marriage is important and incredibly special. You loved this man enough to commit to him in front of your family and friends (and God if you feel as I do) and he deceived and hurt you. I can understand why you would want to run. I would too. The reality is you do not know this man except to know he is untrustworthy and selfish.

I'm sorry if this post sounds silly to you or offensive. I just wanted you to know even within the law what he has done is not permitted.

Nat