My husband left me and my baby suffers from the separation

[Ileanaf]

Hi all, I would like to tell you my story. I’ll try to be breif and I wish I’ll find support here. I got married 2 years ago with someone I loved and he made me move from my country so we can live together and we had a beautiful baby. Everything was ok until the day when I went to my country to introduce the baby who was just 6 months old and I spent 2 months. When I came back o found out that my husband was living with his assistant in my home sleeping in my bed. I overreacted as I couldn’t understand why he did it. And he just packed and left to live with her at 5 minutes from where I live. I’ve been to many psychiatric but no one could help. Well, he came back to live with us but he is still in relation with his assistant and he wants me to act normal and keep smiling or he will deport me and take my baby. I tried but I couldn’t so I’ve been shouting and screaming every time I see message from her or a call. And now we just don’t talk and he spend the weekends outside with her and sometimes traveling and when he’s at home I sleep on the ground as I don’t have where to sleep. I can support all this but my baby started understanding everything so he became very nervous he got several fever he doesn’t eat well and on the top of that he always ask where is my father. So my situation is that I can’t leave the country as he put my baby on the watch list and I can’t leave without him and also he doesn’t want to divorce. When I checked with a lawyer he said that if I request the divorce I’ll not get anything and I may lose my baby too. So I’m stuck in this country and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for your support

[therising]

Hi Ileanaf

I wish I was there to give you the biggest most supportive hug! Your husband's behaviour is incredibly selfish, cruel and abusive, to say the least.

In regard to the legal advice, have you actually received advice from a specialist lawyer such as an immigration lawyer? They might be a little more knowledgeable and inventive when it comes to all the opportunities and solutions available to you, such as the possibility of you applying for a permanent visa and then managing things from there.

A few pieces of advice:

• If you're going to remain living in the house, buy yourself a bed. You're fully entitled to comfort and a good night's rest. Also, your child deserves to see his mother living in better conditions than this
• I know it would be incredibly hard for you, given your circumstances, but try to remain as positive as possible around your son. He will be feeling your stress and upset - little kids are very tuned into their mum's emotions. The shouting and screaming will impact him in a number of ways. Finding and managing constructive ways to vent your stress and upset will help serve the both of you
• As well as legal support, consider seeking a more effective form of mental health support for yourself. This might mean accessing mental health support resources specifically for immigrants (people dealing with multiple complex issues, such as emotional abuse, being far from family, a sense of lack of support in a foreign country etc). This is a mentally tough time for you and you deserve the best support possible in the way of guidance
• Are there any social groups you are interested in joining, for both you and your son. Our sense of value and purpose is often tied into our sense of belonging. Are there any playgroups in your area, for your son? Are there any interest or hobby groups you would consider for yourself? Whatever you do, don't rely solely on your husband to dictate your sense of importance. Considering his behaviour, it's far healthier for you shift your focus toward far more positive, encouraging and unselfish people
• Lastly, some people may suggest marriage counseling if you and your husband are open to resolving issues

By the way, perhaps the next time your son asks where his father is, you can try reassuring him with the words 'Mum is here. What shall we do together today?' Little ones can easily have their focus shifted away from their train of thought.

Take care of yourself and your son Ileanaf. You both deserve great care

[Ileanaf]

Thank you so much for your message. Oh it’s so so so good to read a reassuring message from someone. I really needed that.

Concerning the bed, I’m happy to sleep the way I do. I just need peace of mind and when my son will start preschool I’ll find a job and become independent. I can’t wait for that so I don’t rely on anyone.

it’s a matter of time, until then, I’m doing my best to not get depressed and no my husband didn’t accept the counseling, I asked him several times before now we don’t even talk and I just found out that he introduced his girlfriend to his parents and that it’s becoming serious between them so I’m not sure what is happening but I just wish that I’ll never lose my baby and that the law in Australia can see how much I took care of him while we’ve been left alone.

Thank you again for your message.

Im still positive.