How to stop myself going back

[Michelle2000]

Trying not to run back to what i know will be a bad relationship but my anxiety gets the better of me. I dont want to be lonely though.. what can you do to stop ypurself going back out of loneliness or worse falling into a rebound or one night stands.. i know its weak not being able to be alone but id give anything to even have a chat buddy 😣

[monkey_magic]

Hi Michelle2000,

You remind me of me at one stage of my life. What I did was focus on other things and did everything in my power to push him out of my mind and heart.

I listened to music, focused on work, hobbies, other guys.

I'm sure you'll find lots of other chat buddies on this site~

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Michelle2000,

Thanks for your post.

Hmm this is a good question and I think it's something a lot of us can struggle with.

Can you think for a bit about why this was a bad relationship? What was it that was unhealthy; what was it that you needed that couldn't get from this relationship? It may also help to think about that person - what was it about this person that you needed to get away from? What was it that was toxic to your life?

Write it down. Make a list. Check it twice. Display it - on your phone, as a wallpaper, in your notes section of your phone, in your diary, in your cupboard. Doesn't matter - as long as you can see it.

I think when we make that 'booty call' we forget about all these things. We become kind of blind-sighted to everything that made the relationship unhealthy in the first place. This is why it's key to really focus and remind yourself of why it's just not worth it.

It may also help to have some protective measures in place; if you know something is going to trigger it (i.e. valentines day) make a plan; if you know that Saturday nights you'll be feeling lonely - make a plan. Have things to do, people to see that will all be enjoyable enough to distract you.

Hope this helps!

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Michelle, thanks for reaching out. I've been in a similar situation, and I always remind myself that I would rather just spend time with myself (knowing that I can do something that makes me feel better like going for a walk/swimming/ringing a friend or family member) than spending time with someone who will only make me feel worse in the long run. Think about what you really want in a relationship and write down all those things and then also write down all the reasons that this person isn't right for you or that you can do better. It gets easier in time, and you will meet someone who will make you feel full of love, and who wont be awful to you. Look ahead and move onto bigger and better things. Sending you love.

[Michelle2000]

Thankyou everyone.. good points and good ideas.. its definitely more so the company and comfort of having someone i miss not so much the actual guy. I think i feel like a failure also that i stuck in it so long waiting an hoping for change that wasnt ever going to come.

Im trying to get back to how i use to be before the relationship.. i use to be quite content with myself, id buy myself new release movies and little things like that which as lame as it sounds saying it brang me happiness. Since the relationship started i just feel like he was in control of my happiness.. i wonder how much of that was me though.. am i just the type of person who cares way to much? And puts myself on the back burner..

Im optimistc that i will wake up one day and not have a gut full of anxiety.. i really hope so anyway..

[Michelle2000]

What im struggling with also is that some parts were good.. some were bad.. i think i end up with guilt that i let something go which had good points.. but the things that werent good really did bring me down so much.. its all so hard