Husband of 5 years is asking for divorce

[Chansy]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for almost 5 years. He is asking for a divorce and is already seeing other people

I am barely coping with this. I cry all the time and I’ve asked for him to give us a chance but refuses

I dont know how I’m supposed to get through this. We live together but seperately and it’s killing me knowing we don’t have a future

I don’t know which way to turn anymore

[geoff]

hello Chansy, I can't tell you how upset I was when my wife divorced me so I know exactly what you are saying and definitely feel your pain.

I wonder why he has automatically started to see other people rather than sit down with you and discuss any problems that the marriage is causing, doesn't that sound to be the most logical way to sort out any problems, because all marriages and even r/ships have times when there are disagreements.

It does worry me that he is already trying to make plans for the future without even trying to sort out your marriage, because there is joint counselling and if that doesn't suit then individual counselling maybe a way to improve the r/ship.

Now it would be best to book an appointment with your doctor because what you need is your strength so that you can confront your husband with a list of questions that you would like him to answer because lack of discussion only makes your imagination lose control.

I hope that you can get back to us because we want to help you sort this out. Geoff. x

[Chansy]

Geoff,

Thanks for your response -

We have had some issues in the past, and I did want to try therapy but he didnt want to see someone because he never thought that they would be able to help. We would have a good couple of months, and then things would be bad for a few weeks, and it would be good again.

I dont even know if he is hurting over this. We spent NYE apart, but he kept calling through the night but nothing changed when I got home. Its gotten to the point that when I have seen him, and asked him to give us a chance and try sort it he wont listen, and will just ignore me. He has told me he has started seeing other people, which is hard for me since we have only been technically split since 17/12.

I was sort of ok with this when it first happened but its starting to hit me now how serious this is, and it plays on my mind constantly. I dream of this and I wake up in tears too. All the people around me think I am better off, and just tell me to get over it, but that isnt helping me.

I just really dont want to lose this, but I cant be the only one to try again.

[white knight]

Hi Chansy, welcome

Thanks for replying to Geoff. I also think Geoff is right to question your husbands plans. It sounds like he has had these for a long time. This poses questions as to how much devotion, even depth of love he had for you. People can drift apart, its when they don't communicate about it that it poses greater issues.

I'm sorry if I'm being a bearer of bad news. From here on, its more a case of getting through this period of grief and loss.

And you can get through it. I've had 4 long term (over 7 years) relationships the last, my current marriage is superb. The other 3 hit me hard.

To cushion the blow please google the following

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

I wish you good luck. Don't be afraid of reposting.

Tony WK

[Geordie61]

Hi Chansy

I empathise with you, Briefly, i suffered from chronic depression and paranoia, i felt my ex didnt love me, she didnt want to be intimate with me ,a lady showed some interest in me and the rest is history, even begging didnt work, she wouldnt understand my mental health issue, her loss now that im better, so dealing with the feeling of not having a furture and a loss of self confidence i felt like my life was going nowhere.. But Chansyi have to let you know that with assistance from my psychiatrist and counsellor my life is back on track and the future is looking bright.

Please take yourself to your GP, have a mental health check and see a counsellor, they will help you heaps.

Dont feel awkward or self conscious about seeing a counsellor, its the first step forward to you having a fantastic life.

[Chansy]

Hi Geordie61,

I have booked an appointment with my GP to get a referral. I am worried that I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder a few years ago, but never did anything about it. I don't know what other measures to take. I am trying to immerse myself in work, but I keep thinking of the situation. I am unsure of how to deal with this. I am having to move out soon aswell, and this is adding more stress. It feels though at the moment I am unable to control my feelings, and I am always emotional and living on the verge of tears. People have started to watch what they say around me, as they're concerned about how I will react. Unfortunately my family live overseas, and they are unable to provide much support, and since I married young, it was only been my husband and I for a long time, so my social network isn't big either. I am worried about driving my friends away because this is a topic I am always talking about.

I'm beginning to lose motivation to do anything with my life, and generally just feel lost all the time.