How to get over a guy..

April30 · ‎06-10-2019

Im friends with this guy and I really like him as more than friends, but I know we could never work out together, and that hurts me so much but I can't get myself to get over him.. I've heard the only way to get over a guy is to just stop talking to or having anything to do with them. But I don't want to lose the friendship.. So I don't want to do that.. But this is hurting me so much..

But is that the only way to get yourself to move on?

Merkles · ‎07-10-2019

I am in the same place as you, however I have very strong feelings for a woman, who told me she has feelings for me too, however is now back with her ex, I can't seem to stop thinking about her from when I wake up and until I go to bed, which isn't healthy. Just to let you know you're not alone though.

Soba_Kinoko · ‎07-10-2019

Hey April30 and Merkles

I too am in a similar situation to you both. I have strong feelings for a co-worker who has reciprocated same feelings but is in a long term relationship. From my understanding, she is not happy but I keep getting mixed messages from her. I met with them both and they said they want to work on their relationship and I said I would like to make peace with them both but I still got mixed messages from her. I should just move on, but my feelings for her are so strong, I can't stop thinking about her. I don't have any friends either I can share this with but would love to help if I can with your situation. I'm not sure if there is a clear solution? I have learned not to force things though and try to take care of myself as much as possible. I have been single for over a year now and it's pretty hard being on your own. Have you both considered finding a counsellor to help you through this? I did this but my 10 sessions have run out and it can get expensive. Do you have family/ friends to talk to as well?

I totally understand not wanting to lose the friendship you have developed April30 as it's hard finding genuine connections with people... a rarity really for me. Sorry I am not much help but I wanted to reach out and say that you are both not alone and if I figure out a way to move on from this I will be sure to post back.

Chickem100 · ‎07-10-2019

H iApril 30

I've been in a similar situation with a female colleague, we've become great friends and I'm happily married but found myself with feelings for her, it's been difficult and not without its challenges but I've found talking about it with others on here and with some counselling I'm coming out the other side, it's not perfect but I'm getting there. You're not alone and I'd be more than happy to chat further as I think we could all help each other.

Have a great day and hope to speak soon

April30 · ‎07-10-2019

Thanks heaps Chickem100 and Soba Kinoko,

True, yeah sounds like it be a good idea to go talk to a counsellor.. I just have a hard time trying to open up to people/counsellors.. And I wish counselling wasn't so expensive..

Wish I could just stop liking him.. We used to work together, but then he left that job. So now we don't see each other hardly cause he's so busy with his new job.. And I worry that I'm the only one trying to put any effort in the friendship, cause I really want to see him so I always end up being the one saying hey can we hang out... Just stuck between do I just need to let it go, or keep trying cause maybe maybe something could work out.. So hard to know.. I don't really have any idea if he likes me back, he does stuff that makes me think he must like me, but then things like him not being the one asking to catch up makes me think he must not..

thanks again for your replies, I appreciate it!

IsaJett · ‎07-10-2019

Hi april30

I don’t think that is a good way ..to just cut him out . I mean there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends ...and at least he is still in your life ...even as a friend that is still awesome too. You can still like him but as a friend is really great too. I mean you can also love him as a friend ...nothing wrong with that either . Try not to suppress your feelings...just feel whatever you feel and know that its ok . If you suppress your feelings it just come on stronger . Tell him its a shame you guys cant work ...but you still love him all the same . It will all work out in the end . In time your feelings will dissipate because they are just feelings ...they come and go and the next thing you know you be dating someone else more suitable .

You know what that saying ...”when one door shuts ...200 other doors open..”. hahah

Oh yeah you heard it here for the first time ..I made it up ... But the doors open ..you just have to stop staring at this closed door ...lol

good luck with it my friend ...I hope this helps you

April30 · ‎07-10-2019

Thanks heaps IsaJett. Really appreciate your reply.

Well yeah that is true.. Because I really don't want to cut him out of my life.. Well I haven't actually told him I like him, I want to, but I didn't know if it was a good idea to or not.. I always just over think everything and freak out haha..

Like I just want to open up to him but I freak out that if I told him what goes on in my depressed mind that he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. Which I know sounds stupid cause only a rubbish friend would leave because of that.. But I worry that I'm sure he has enough of his own things to worry about and what if he thinks I'm just attention seeking and being stupid.. Which I know is also pretty stupid to say because he is a decent guy so why would he think that.. But I just worry I can't open up to anyone about my depression without them thinking I'm attention seeking and just being a wuss..

Haha yeah that is true about needing to stop staring at the closed door... Seems like such a simple thing to do so then why's it gotta be so hard? Haha..

Chickem100 · ‎07-10-2019

As you said only a rubbish friend would leave if you were to open up about any issues you might be having, I know it's awful worrying about what others might think but being honest with yourself and others is a sure fire way to find out who is worth spending your time on! IsaJett makes some very good points and one about having an awesome friend is right up there. Anytime I have any thoughts/issues regarding my friend I remind myself how happy I'am to have her as a friend. I wish I had the solution for you! but feelings will change over time, and this will get easier. Have you tried focusing your attention elsewhere? Tricky I know but sometimes a change of focus can be a start.

Desedrata · ‎07-10-2019

There are other ways to move on besides cutting someone out of your life. There is no right or wrong answer. Only you know which decision is best for your own wellbeing.

Whether you decide to maintain contact or not, I do believe taking some time for yourself and going out to places where you can make new friends without him would be good for you. Also, if you wish to remain friends with him then let him contact you next and let him suggest and organise the meet up. If he doesn't contact you, well then, you have your answer.

IsaJett · ‎07-10-2019

Hi April
Glad that helps you . You can definitely be honest with him about your feelings. He possibly isn’t good on opening up either . Guys tend to be more quiet on that front . Hahah .
But you should leave your ego and pride aside ...because those are things that just get in the way of life...so to speak . I also had a crush on a guy and I just came out with it all and I felt good about doing it . Haha .
Its all good I feel what I feel and I ain’t gonna apologise for feeling all those wonderful feelings as they are . Hahaha whether I get to date him or not ...its ok too because he is a wonderful being and can instil great feelings in me ...so why not rejoice in that ? I just tell him ,, I thank god he exists everyday . If someone can be there in your life and pick you up ...make you smile when you are down ...then you want to just make sure he continues to be in your life ...in one shape or form .

You know its ok to have depression . I have learned to embrace my depression . I dedicated a youtube channel to break the silence and stigma on Depression .

In this channel I reach out to people going through break ups etc . Through my dance therapy ...Its really quite fun .
I just dance in my room ...hahahah but its the best fun ever . You should do it too . You will feel really good ...hope you try this dancing ...and singing really loud ...like you are rock star .Get those oxytocin going ...lol

Good luck my friend keep writing 🙂