Help please with first date

[Elsam]

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, you are never sure he doesn't want to see you again and remember because he's sending back messages could mean he can't stop thinking about you.

Ask him that you need to meet him again before he does go o/s, whenever this is, and don't forget his plans can be changed for some reason and it may not be certain because of business circumstances.

Tell him you'd love to be with him, tomorrow night.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

@Geoff

You’re the best you should definitely have your own thread about these love life dramas 😍🥺😝

I cannot even sleep because of this guy, I am still wide awake at 4am every morning.

I have already asked him if he would like to catch up for coffee and a walk in the park and he said : Yes, let’s do that...

Nothing eventuated from that.

Then I sent the message: Can I entice you to meet for breakfast, lunch or dinner or all 3 over the weekend in a cheeky way....

He replied: Yes let's find some time before I leave....

He seems to be thinking about me to send me messages out of the blue which is great

I just don’t know what to try next as do not want him to think I am chasing him !!

I have dropped enough hints....

• By asking to catch up
• I really like you
• And it’s not just Friday that’s the sexy beast

Surely that is enough to get him thinking and it’s not too hard to turn a man on 😂🤣

Bloody men, why is he making it so hard.
Msybe because he said things moved very fast on our first date, he is trying to slow things down so we get to know each other

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, are you brave enough to wait outside where he works, then send him a text telling him where you are and say you can't wait to see him, you want to show him something, whatever that may be, perhaps a bottle of wine and 2 specially packed glasses.

I remember surprising my wife before we were married and arrived at her work about lunchtime without her knowing, she was so excited, just as I was, then it wasn't long before she finished when I would pick her up every day, battling the traffic in the city.

Bite the bullet as they say and show him you love him because it's not something you wished you had done in a few years time but something stopped you and deeply regretted not doing it.

You may only have a limited time before he goes o/s.

Please be game enough, you can do it.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

Hi @Geoff

I don’t think I am that much of a daredevil and am so scared of scaring him off....

I do love the thought of waiting outside his work but then he would think I am a stalker plus we have not known each other long enough and only had one date.

We had messages between us over the weekend and he just sends messages out of the blue...

I woke up to a message from him on Saturday morning saying: Happy weekend and a photo of him flying.

We had a couple of messages yesterday (Sunday) which was great and I finally got the message I have been waiting for... ❤️

He said:

If you are up for a drink one night before I leave and you are in the city

So I replied:

Would be great to catch up Thursday or Friday night xx

He has not yet confirmed, just hope he doesn’t let me down or I will die!!

Once he confirms I am going to give him a very nice Birthday present (Montblanc pen) to give him when I see him as his birthday is in June and he will not be here. That way he cannot forget me so easily every time he uses the pen!! 😝😝

Do you think the Birthday present is a good idea or pushing the limits ???

I have to get that sexy black dress out... 🖤

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, not at all, the birthday gift is a great idea and when trying to have a relationship, one of you has to make the first move, in other words, the two of you can't wait until you hope he makes a commitment, someone has to be game and say I'll meet you at ******* 6.00 pm tonight, tomorrow night.

Days are passing by when you could have been together, I really hope Thursday or Friday eventuate.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Elsam

I've been following your thread and just wanted to pop in and say I'm really happy for you.

I like the idea of the birthday gift but just throwing it out there that the expensive gift you have planned may be too much too soon. Maybe something low key but thoughtful?

What about a book to read on the plane or when he's away? Something that might reflect on an "in joke" you two might have or about the location he's travelling to or something he mentioned he's interested in (eg sports, politics or gardening). He will think of you every time he opens it. Or even a travel journal with a nice message from you. Of course, these are just my thoughts and it's entirely up to you.

Yes, to the sexy black dress! Hope you guys have a great time

Kind thoughts to you

[Elsam]

@Geoff and @Summer Rose
Thank you! I am feeling very anxious and worried tonight as he messaged me on Saturday and said Happy weekend!!
Sunday he messaged me:
Flying back! If you are up for a drink one night before I leave and you are in the city
I replied:
Hope you are home safe. Would be great to catch up Thursday or Friday night xx
I have not heard from him since Sunday and he is constantly on WhatsApp all day and night!
I am so scared he is going to forget about me and I am not 100% sure which day he is leaving
He has not confirmed a meet up for drinks when he was the one that asked???
Maybe he is just busy at work before he leaves as I don’t know if he is using WhatsApp for work or not.
I am so scared he is chatting with another woman.
I am waiting for him to confirm we are definitely meeting before I go buying a birthday present.
I hope he is not ignoring me, hoping I will go away and forget about him.
But he messaged me on Saturday and Sunday, I didn’t ask him to because I don’t want him to think I am chasing him.

If he was not interested, would he message me at all???

At the same time, I don’t want him to think I am not interested in him by not messaging him.

This afternoon my anxiety was killing me, so I had to send a message to see if he responds!
I just said:
Happy hump day!
Hope your week is going great xx
Hopefully by tomorrow night I will hear from him if he is meant to be leaving on the 29th!!

[Elsam]

I am so stressed and having a massive anxiety attack. I need to sleep to forget about things for the night.

I am so confused and don’t know what to think. I hope he is not playing games but if he didn’t want anything to do with me he would just stop messaging wouldn’t he ??

He was the one that made the plan to meet up for drinks before he leaves.

Bonjour!
How was your sleep in?
Bonjour! Hope you had a good week! Unfortunately I am swamped with last minute events and work i have to attend to and won't be able to have a rendez-vous drink. Hope to reconnect when I am back !

I think he is genuine, I am just so disappointed, I don’t know what to think ? Not sure what to think about him saying: Hope to reconnect when I am back.

i have been so excited about meeting him and wanting to give him a Birthday present.

I replied:

I thought you would be swamped this week!! A rendez-vous drink would be lovely when you are back. Keep in touch

Tonight I sent a message:

Hope you had a good day and goodnight with no reply!!

He doesn’t have to message me and say Hello or ask How my sleep in was?

There must be some interest or attraction from his side after our intimate rendezvous!

He probably thinks about that night we had together as I do all the time!!

I just don’t know what to say to him now

i have replied to his questions so now just need to try and wait for a response

I don’t even know how long he is going away for ???

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, that must be disappointing for you Elsam, after all your expectations and texting between each other hoping it would finally eventuate, I am really sorry for you, but this doesn't mean he's not going to contact you while he is away and vice-versa, so please keep in touch with him.

How can I say this, and I absolutely mean no harm and certainly don't want to upset you, so please forgive me, I just wonder whether or not he believes there was some protection, very sorry for saying this.

By communicating with him, one way or another will only increase the eagerness to see each other again.

Please let us know Elsam.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Elsam

Really sorry to learn your date isn’t going ahead.

I hope it helps you to know that his explanation is understandable, although I totally appreciate your disappointment.

New relationships are tricky and rarely is there a straight line from a to b. Men think very differently to women and miscommunications can occur. Chance and timing also play a role. And the list of variables goes on ...

What I’m saying is this hiccup isn’t necessarily about you and there’s really no way to predict how this will unfold. You just have to roll with it and let it happen.

You know he’s going to be busy while away and I’m assuming there will also be a time difference, which will affect communication. So maybe adjust your expectations around communication while he’s away and follow his lead.

Hang in there. Keep busy. Be kind to yourself.

Kind thoughts to you