Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Maddy626 Abusive mother - should I ask for an apology?
  • replies: 10

Hi, I'm currently caught up in a situation where my mother continues to send me abusive text messages and I have told her to stop because I am desperately trying to get through my studies, raise my 12yr old brother, and survive. She has recently thre... View more

Hi, I'm currently caught up in a situation where my mother continues to send me abusive text messages and I have told her to stop because I am desperately trying to get through my studies, raise my 12yr old brother, and survive. She has recently threatened to kill my cats if I don't return the cat I was looking after for her (the cat needed serious medical care (tail amputation and multiple broken bones) she also asked me to take the cat for her). When I visited her to talk about the cat she was upset that I have not 'gotten over' the abusive things she texted me (I can provide more information if needed). I'm very upset right now and I want to send a text message back asking for an apology. I also included a line (the text message has not been sent) asking if she actually loves me. Is this manipulative? Should I just not text anything at all? Should I accept that she wants to just move on and not push for an apology? I don't want to take the low-road, but after many years of this I'm exhausted and I want an apology. ... sorry for the rant, I'm not really sure who to talk to about all of this.

Olivia777 How can I stop resenting my husband?
  • replies: 7

Hello, I seem to have fallen into a vicious circle. We've been married for 5 years and have a toddler and 3 month old baby. I understand that I am going through major hormonal changes and my mood is greatly affected by this. We have ups and downs lik... View more

Hello, I seem to have fallen into a vicious circle. We've been married for 5 years and have a toddler and 3 month old baby. I understand that I am going through major hormonal changes and my mood is greatly affected by this. We have ups and downs like most people, we argue then make up but never resolve any issues we have. I find it impossible to have a conversation with him. I don't deal well with raised voices or being interrupted, so I get very emotional and frustrated, so the conversation usually ends with one of us walking away. One thing we both do is mimic each others bad behaviour, so if one of us does something, the other will find a way to do the same thing back. So nothing ever gets resolved. When he leaves for work, I spend time thinking about how wrong this is and how I need to change, and then when I see him I can't even bring myself to say 'Hello'. There are a number of things he has done, or not done, that are always on my mind and I can't forgive him. How can I change my attitude towards him? I am really struggling, I am angry, frustrated and can't bring myself to show him affection. I know I need help.

Dais Friendship Issues
  • replies: 3

Earlier this year my friend had a thing with another guy this didn’t last long and they ended things. Me and him have been friends for years, so the other night I asked him and another friend around to watch movies. She messaged him asking why he was... View more

Earlier this year my friend had a thing with another guy this didn’t last long and they ended things. Me and him have been friends for years, so the other night I asked him and another friend around to watch movies. She messaged him asking why he was at my house and had a bit of a go at him. She mentioned within their argument that she had told him that I had gone for other friends exes before and that hurt me because it wasn’t true. I just don’t know how to handle it because she’s mad I hung out with him without telling her when I wasn’t trying to be secretive I just didn’t think I had to tell her.

Ceedant Been seeing a new person, feeling anxious and I'm not sure why
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I've recently met a new person on an app. We've been talking for about 3 weeks and have now gone on three (virtual/video chat) dates. All went well. We're both pretty quiet people but enjoyed each other's company and played games together for... View more

Hi all, I've recently met a new person on an app. We've been talking for about 3 weeks and have now gone on three (virtual/video chat) dates. All went well. We're both pretty quiet people but enjoyed each other's company and played games together for a few hours. Despite things objectively looking good - I should be feeling over the moon - I've been feeling really anxious about this since the 3rd date. Normally, I'm not an anxious person, even in dating. At the end of the 3rd date I wanted to ask her to meet up in person but I couldn't get the words out! I instead sent her a message on Facebook (where we had been talking/checking in with each other once a day or so) asking to meet in person, telling her I've been enjoying spending time with her, but haven't got a reply. She was exhausted from a pretty big day, so put it down to that. The following morning, I messaged her to wish her a good day (as we've been doing that) but still no response. I feel I just want to pour my feelings out to her - let her know how I feel about her, that I'm really liking her. It wouldn't be the right way to go about it, especially through a Facebook message and especially given it's very early days. I'm also mindful that I don't want to smother her. Am I being anxious over nothing here? Any advice/reassurance would be amazing.

jemma09 Making new friends online, family 'concerned'
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, Hope you're well! I have been going to therapy this year to work through some traumatic experiences (one being an ex partner who stalked me for a while) that caused me to shut down all social relationships and hide myself from the world.... View more

Hi everyone, Hope you're well! I have been going to therapy this year to work through some traumatic experiences (one being an ex partner who stalked me for a while) that caused me to shut down all social relationships and hide myself from the world. I was paranoid for a long time. Through therapy I have been challenging myself to make connections with people again and become more confident. My therapist gave me steps and challenges I could take. One being trying to do a voice call with someone I met online. Which I did do and felt very happy about the conversation. The person I spoke to is very kind and I felt happy I could challenge myself. I speak to the person regularly now and think they would be a nice person to be a friend. When I talk to people online I enjoy conversation about a range of topics, but ensure to keep some things private for common sense reasons. Such as my hometown, address, workplace and last name etc. However, my family have very strong opinions and seem to be pushing this mindset onto me that I should not be talking to people online. I have made really good progress through therapy yet when my family says something negative about my progress... it makes me feel defeated. One of my parents even said to me today that they are 'concerned' who I could be talking with online, that I need to be careful and they could be a stalker. On the other hand, one parent isn't too bothered by it, they have said to me I'm not a child anymore and I can speak with who I like. Some context here, I am 24 years old so I know how to look after myself. I just feel defeated that my family are not supportive of my social progress. Their negative opinion seems to be igniting my overthinking and makes me want to shut myself away again and not speak to anyone at all. But shutting myself away I know will only have negative effects on my mental health. I don't want to go back to that place, it's very lonely. Has anyone got any experience or advice on how to tackle differing opinions/pressures from family? Thank you for reading this! Take care!

Thefeels I just need new friends
  • replies: 3

Does anyone else out there feel like they need a new set of friends? I hardly have anything in common with mine anymore. I feel like mine are all so selfish and toxic. I think this lockdown (im in melbourne) has really made me think about what brings... View more

Does anyone else out there feel like they need a new set of friends? I hardly have anything in common with mine anymore. I feel like mine are all so selfish and toxic. I think this lockdown (im in melbourne) has really made me think about what brings me joy and putting myself first. Ive suffered with anxiety and depression since i was 10, not many people would ever know. Out of all of my friends i feel like no one shares my interests. How does a 27 year old find new people? Sorry if this doesnt make sense. Its just irritating me today more than usual

Zigs0101 New and Needing Support
  • replies: 6

I am reaching out to im not sure who, but reaching out all the same. I am ending a long term toxic and abusive relationships. I know it’s the right thing to do but why can’t I know that deep down? It’s been nothing but emotional and mental abuse and ... View more

I am reaching out to im not sure who, but reaching out all the same. I am ending a long term toxic and abusive relationships. I know it’s the right thing to do but why can’t I know that deep down? It’s been nothing but emotional and mental abuse and turned physical last night. I have no one to turn to except for him. So how do I move forward ?

Juliet_84 Job anxiety of just plain old anxiety?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m struggling really badly with anxiety at the moment and I can’t tell if my job is causing the anxiety, or my anxiety is making me think it’s my job. To give a bit of context, I left university and walked into my dream job. It was rewarding, en... View more

Hi, I’m struggling really badly with anxiety at the moment and I can’t tell if my job is causing the anxiety, or my anxiety is making me think it’s my job. To give a bit of context, I left university and walked into my dream job. It was rewarding, enriching, and interesting, and I managed to find the warmest people in the world there, who accepted me for me and made me laugh all the time. I was there for 7 years but people left and things changed, and I decided to have a minor career change (I wanted to work from home and thought I’d like more money). Since then I’ve struggled to find my niche. A few years ago I found another company I liked and stayed for 5 years. But my manager left and they never replaced him, so work just kept getting busier and busier. My old manager contacted me and told me about this job, more money, working remotely for a team in Japan. I started at this job 6 months ago and since then my anxiety has been through the roof. I’m terrified of making a mistake. This is compounded by the fact that Japanese people are very intolerant of anything less than perfection and so make a huge deal over very minor things, such as a full stop in the wrong place. I’m dreading going to work every day even though it’s just in the next room and over email. I’m in a constant state of panic and I just keep repeating in my head “I hate my job, I hate my job”. But I’m unsure if I’m just going through a bad patch and will get through it or if it’s something deeper. At the same time, I’m paid well and work from home and have no idea what else I would do.

Fiona7990 Husband has started hiding alcohol from me
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do next. My husband has always drunk a lot, has suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety - using alcohol to cope with it. He is never abusive toward me, but goes into spirals of self doubt, blaming himself for things that ha... View more

I don't know what to do next. My husband has always drunk a lot, has suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety - using alcohol to cope with it. He is never abusive toward me, but goes into spirals of self doubt, blaming himself for things that haven't even happened or beating himself up mentally over the littlest things. When he drinks or has has a long period of binge drinking his reactions to certain circumstances are way over the top, like he can't check or control himself emotionally. We've made great progress, not drinking on weekdays and cutting back on weekends. I've gone back to work in the office full-time after working from home together during COVID. Last night when I got home he said he caved and bought beer (just a 6 pack) but I could tell he was drunk. He was also being really depressed. I just thought it was an episode. Tonight I came home and he was visibly upset, crying uncontrollably and saying he has been so strong but has let himself down. After comforting him, he made dinner and came to sit beside me on the couch. He was swaying and couldn't keep his head up. After I repeatedly asked what was wrong, it clicked that he was wasted. With no evidence of alcohol in the house I asked him where it was. He had hidden it up high in our cupboard, the 1litre bottle of bourbon almost gone from last night and today. He has never hidden it from me before. Im terrified this is the start of something worse. I don't know where to go from here.

JeanyC Fiancé can’t seem to commit
  • replies: 3

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have had some ups and downs, notably him cheating late last year. We have been working through that, and though he says he regrets it deeply, he is still having desires to sleep with other people. He tells m... View more

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have had some ups and downs, notably him cheating late last year. We have been working through that, and though he says he regrets it deeply, he is still having desires to sleep with other people. He tells me that the thought of sleeping with someone else turns him on. He says he doesn’t want to cheat again, he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me but he does have these urges and desires. im stuck on what to do. I feel very unwanted and like I’m just not enough. I’m hurting. But I also don’t want to just throw in the towel.