Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kelizabeth ?Toxic mother in law ended my relationship and I can’t cope
  • replies: 5

I’d been in a relationship with my partner for two years when just after our anniversary I accidentally left a pair of underwear at her house. Her response to that was to send me a message calling me a whore, narcissist and manipulative. I was broken... View more

I’d been in a relationship with my partner for two years when just after our anniversary I accidentally left a pair of underwear at her house. Her response to that was to send me a message calling me a whore, narcissist and manipulative. I was broken I didn’t know how to cope, my last relationship before this one was verbally abusive and the flashbacks this caused has just put me into a deep depression. In my upset I contacted my partner’s sister in law to ask if I was weird or if she treated everyone like this, at the end of the conversation she asked me to delete the messages because she was afraid her husband would find out what was said. I did and it’s a huge regret. My partner found out and after saying he loved me broke up with me the same day by text saying he couldn’t trust me anymore. I’m so lost and blaming myself. I’m caught between feeling so angry because part of me knows this wasn’t all my fault and questions if it’s all abusive and just feeling so broken and blaming myself. I haven’t eaten in 6 days I’m not sleeping and I just don’t know what to do.

be_me_be_you No one wants to speak their mind in my family
  • replies: 2

Hi all, This is a relatively minor issue in the greater scheme of things, but I'd love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. We are currently three adult children and one parent living together. A frequent cause of conflict in my house... View more

Hi all, This is a relatively minor issue in the greater scheme of things, but I'd love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. We are currently three adult children and one parent living together. A frequent cause of conflict in my house is that none of us seems to be able to answer each other's questions without going through mental gymnastics trying to catch any hidden interpretations of the question. It could be as simple as "what do you think we should have for dinner?", "did you want this or can I have it?", or "which car will we drive to the shop?". Instead of just giving an honest answer the person being asked umms and ahhs over it. I know personally, the mental checklist starts going off "Why are they asking? Have they mentioned something they want for dinner recently? Am I supposed to remember? Are we supposed to be on a diet at the moment? Do they want me to support them by suggesting something healthy? Are they asking me if I want this because they want to take it? Why does it matter which car we take? Does one of them need fuel on the way?"... Two tactics then tend to come into play. Either you give an "I don't mind, what do you want?" answer, or sometimes you might try some clarifying questions. The problem is, the person asking the question then often gets annoyed. I mean, let's face it, by carefully skirting around your answer you're indirectly accusing them of having an ulterior motive, aren't you? We're all smart enough to see that's what is going on. You're admitting you don't trust them enough to take your honest answer. Therein lies the complication though. Because the obvious solution is just "well, don't do that". But the other person won't always take your answer the way you want it, will they? Maybe they were hoping you'd say "screw it, let's have pizza!", so when you blurt out "we'd better have that stir fry we planned for tonight" now they ARE annoyed! Are there any little communication tricks we're missing here, or are we doomed to go around and around with this forever?! Thanks for any advice.

Confused_and_hurt1 Husband cheated on me but I want to make it work
  • replies: 5

I recently found out my husband kissed another woman but has been carrying on a phone relationship with her for many months. When I confronted he admitted to a single kiss. He went on my social media and blocked people so I couldn't contact them. He ... View more

I recently found out my husband kissed another woman but has been carrying on a phone relationship with her for many months. When I confronted he admitted to a single kiss. He went on my social media and blocked people so I couldn't contact them. He deleted all messages off his phone. He said he wanted to try and fix the relationship. I have found out he was still in contact with for 8 days after this. He has now ceased all contact as far as I know. I have also called her up and abused her and let her partner know (I know that seems mean but I wanted her to hurt as much as I am) I feel devastated, unloved and stupid because all want is for him to stay with me. He says he wants to stay and that he loves. I think I may be depressed as well I am not eating or sleeping properly and I am crying at the drop of a hat. What have other people done.

TipTup04 Too ugly to find love
  • replies: 9

I turned 16 pretty recently, and I realised something quite sad... I'm too ugly to be genuinely loved by someone. I'm not overweight or overly stupid or anything, just very unattractive in the face. I've always dreamed of finding a nice partner and m... View more

I turned 16 pretty recently, and I realised something quite sad... I'm too ugly to be genuinely loved by someone. I'm not overweight or overly stupid or anything, just very unattractive in the face. I've always dreamed of finding a nice partner and making a family, but unfortunately, that'll never happen. It's a shame that I'll never be loved because of something out of my control... I just want to know what being loved is like once before I die, but I can't see that happening. I don't know why I did this, I won't get any responses. Never got help irl, it won't be any different here. Anyway, I've just been depressed because of my lack of physical or emotional love. I just want to be hugged or complimented by someone, just once. How can I find joy in life with things other than love?

Dexterity Parent threatening suicide
  • replies: 4

My father has Borderline Personality. I lived it growing up. He ticks all the boxes, the only one he wasnt was suicidal. Maybe he was and maybe i was shielded from it. Now, I have left home, he is telling mum that he wants to commit suicide. He is su... View more

My father has Borderline Personality. I lived it growing up. He ticks all the boxes, the only one he wasnt was suicidal. Maybe he was and maybe i was shielded from it. Now, I have left home, he is telling mum that he wants to commit suicide. He is super controlling, not letting her go anywhere alone, drive or spend money without his permission. My mum never admits anything is wrong. For the first time in my life, my mum has admitted something is wrong with him and she needs help. This is a HUGE deal for her. She went to her doctor today (father tried to go in with her but was stopped by the doctor) and told the doctor everything. he said it is nothing to worry about. WTF??? This has been their GP since the early 80s. I suffer from depression and have since i was very very little and this is a huge weight on me. Is there anything I can do?

MummaPetal Husband addicted to porn
  • replies: 19

Hello I'm not sure what to do or how to respond to my husband's porn addiction. For years he has had ED and we haven't had a lot of intimacy in our relationship. His porn addiction has come up as an issue before and he reassures me that he will never... View more

Hello I'm not sure what to do or how to respond to my husband's porn addiction. For years he has had ED and we haven't had a lot of intimacy in our relationship. His porn addiction has come up as an issue before and he reassures me that he will never look at it again. Just recently I was on our computer and noticed it on an open tab. I was really shocked and hurt. I feel betrayed because he lied to me. As much as it hurt, I could understand why he'd look at it to perhaps improve things in the intimacy department but now it seems to have replaced ANY intimacy between us. I feel uncertain about our future and feel numb. Thanks in advance for any thoughts. MP

Sam145 My boyfriend has an only fans account
  • replies: 35

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is. I consider this cheating. The reason... View more

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is. I consider this cheating. The reason this is more of a problem is because he said his sex drive was low and because of that we would hardly have sex. He has had the account for 2 months. he has also cheated on me and been unfaithful and unoyal in the past. We have been together on and off for 4 years. We have only just come good and it’s been a year and 4 months. I know his sex drive isn’t low because otherwise he wouldn’t be on only fans and wouldn’t be paying For random girls nudes when he can just get that from me for free. my sex drive is quite high so he isn’t deprived of it i don’t know what to do. My head says I deserve better and to leave but my heart wants to try and understand why he felt the need to do it his reasoning was I don’t know and he wanted to feel validated. When I brought it up to him he straight up went to lie about it but I already knew the truth

Britishinaus I’m affecting my partner
  • replies: 4

Morning, I didn’t know where else to put this but I woke up at about 3.30 last night (that’s been happening a bit lately) and of course when I’m awake my thoughts take over. And I ended up crying, and waking my partner up and breaking his sleep, then... View more

Morning, I didn’t know where else to put this but I woke up at about 3.30 last night (that’s been happening a bit lately) and of course when I’m awake my thoughts take over. And I ended up crying, and waking my partner up and breaking his sleep, then I didn’t end up going back to sleep until 5, and I forgot he has an important meeting this morning for work which he wasn’t keen for. But fast forward to this morning, I got up to make breakfast for him as I always do and he barely spoke to me, he said goodbye and kissed me as usual but he looked so tired. I say sorry a lot (probably due to a toxic workplace) and I know if I said sorry for waking him that it would have irritated him so I didn’t. I didn’t mean to wake him and I’m scared I’m really starting to affect him and he doesn’t need that on top of what’s a stressful time at work for him.. ironically he works in community mental health (he’s a nurse) and I’ve found it hard to talk to him... what does that say about me?? I’m so tired this morning and I was meant to be going to the gym and all I want to do is sleep..

aurorastone Unknowingly Triggering The One You Love - Should You Stay?
  • replies: 2

Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occas... View more

Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occasionally had a night out with my friends - it would always end up in us having arguments when I got home. In the end I was feeling trapped and like our relationship was becoming a bit toxic. We were arguing over the smallest things and we just could never resolve them. I could never understand where he was coming from and he could never understand my reasoning either so we'd just end up so frustrated. I was the one to end it. We've still stayed in contact every day checking up on each other. He confessed before he left (to go back to home country) that I was an emotional trigger for him because of childhood trauma he hadn't dealt with which changed everything for me. It finally made me understand why me having a night out with my friends would always make him so upset with me. I asked him if he'd want to work at things again in the future and he said if I didn't repeat the things from before and accept him for who he is. I want to be with him but I can't figure out if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'm in denial and just don't want to believe I was the problem in the relationship before.. I guess no one wants to believe that about themselves. I just wish it was clearer, I don't want to go through those feelings again if it ends badly and risk hurting him more the second time but I don't want to risk losing him if he really is the one.

lizziebunny End of Undefined Relationship
  • replies: 10

The guy I have been seeing for 1 and half year just ended whatever we were 2 days ago because he said he can't cope with the unhappiness we both have and yet he still want to celebrate my birthday with me today. I know I am the person to blame for th... View more

The guy I have been seeing for 1 and half year just ended whatever we were 2 days ago because he said he can't cope with the unhappiness we both have and yet he still want to celebrate my birthday with me today. I know I am the person to blame for this to happen as I have been unhappy he is still in touch closely with his ex and had brought up this issue quite often lately. He has assured me that there's nothing happening between them but yet he doesn't want to have define our relationship partly because she will be hurt. He said he still want to be friend with me because he cares of me, but at this moment I really can't maintain as friends knowing my feeling on him is still so strong. However I did agree for tonight's dinner as this might be the last time I see him. Also, tbh I am still hoping maybe he will change his mind after that, which I truly know it is impossible. I have been thinking if to accept maintain our friendship as I also care of him very much and I hope I can continue support him but I know if we continue in touch it will be very hard for me to move on. I feel very sad that I can't even say we have "break up" as we never have a proper (defined) relationship.