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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KC12 Narcissistic father - how to deal with the situation
  • replies: 1

Hi, Since I left home to live overseas, my parents have gone through several issues and separations up until this year when they finally broke up. During all this time my father has kept trying to put my sister and myself against my mother and he has... View more

Hi, Since I left home to live overseas, my parents have gone through several issues and separations up until this year when they finally broke up. During all this time my father has kept trying to put my sister and myself against my mother and he has overall been very disrespectful. I am nearly 30 and I live on the other side of the world but he continues to bring up all the issues nearly every week, text me at night, calling me to talk about himself and seeking attention. He is continuously portraying himself as the victim, accusing my mother and my sister of things that I really know they aren't true. It actually hurts my mental health as I suffer from depression and anxiety and really don't know how to navigate the situation...he would leave me alone for three days but then back again with the same story and I just can't take it anymore. Every time we have spoken on the phone is to listen to him complaining about his job even though he still has a job after the hard lockdown and I have been unemployed for 3 months because of COVID. I called him recently to let him know that I had finally found a job and it took him a minute to turn the conversation and focus it on him and back to his attention-seeking stories. Everyone keeps saying to me that I shouldn't let it affect me as much but at the end of the day he is my father and he was a good father but he hasn't been these years and honestly doesn't think he will change. He believes his own lies and everyone is wrong and he is right in his head. I keep feeling that I have to message him back every time he talks to me even when I don't feel like it, mainly because I want to avoid a bigger problem. I recently got married and I just want to live my life and stop letting him have such a huge influence in my life because he will destroy it. Sorry for the rant, there's obviously a lot more to it but I really can't bring myself to relive all those situations because it's emotionally draining, I just want some guidance and advice about how to live better knowing that this is the father I have got and he is not going to change.

wheredidyouvangogh my mum makes me feel sick
  • replies: 2

I'm an 18yr old girl, I can't stand being around my mum despite the fact she's done nothing wrong. She's a good mum and has always been very caring and kind to me so i don't understand how I can despise her like this. We used to be close, she even sa... View more

I'm an 18yr old girl, I can't stand being around my mum despite the fact she's done nothing wrong. She's a good mum and has always been very caring and kind to me so i don't understand how I can despise her like this. We used to be close, she even said she considered me to be her best friend, but now the thought of spending time with her irritates me to no end. Unlike with my father, (who is also a good parent but has spent more time angry than any other emotion and has nowhere near supported me to the extent my mum has) who I feel I have suddenly grown closer to and enjoy his company much more than my mum. It has been like this for over a year now (so the pandemic has held little impact, if at all). I feel terrible because I know my mum is going through a hard time with my dad at the moment and she feels unloved, but I just can't bring myself to offer her any emotional support. Whenever she is upset I can't help but see her as weak yet I can answer to my father's every need with no issue. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)!

shorti Brother blows up over the littlest things
  • replies: 2

Hey guys My brother is constantly smashing things in the house like breaking plates, mirrors, remote controls or whatever he can get his hands on. He is now drinking and doesn't know how to look for a job or do anything for himself, and refuses to ge... View more

Hey guys My brother is constantly smashing things in the house like breaking plates, mirrors, remote controls or whatever he can get his hands on. He is now drinking and doesn't know how to look for a job or do anything for himself, and refuses to get help. My brother is 30 and lives at home with my dad. My sister is moving out when she finishes her degree. My brother has been in & out of work. He did an apprenticeship when he finished high school but was made redundant years ago. He doesn't know how to write a resume or do anything for himself. Dad helped with his resume and I found a factory job for him. He was let off at the start of the year due to covid and is now on job seeker. Dad works in the health care industry and helped him get an accreditation to become a patient services assistance but my brother refuses to do it. Dad said there is always plenty of work. My brother resents my dad because my dad moved from one side of the city to the other and so my brother is not living close to his high school friends. So anything my dad suggests he refuses to do. Growing up my dad rented and raised us kids on his own so when he finally was able to save up to buy his own house, he moved to a cheaper area as he couldn't afford to buy in the area we grew up in. We told my brother he is old enough to get a job and rent a place back where we grew up and can be close to his friends. My brother doesn't even know how to organise to get his car serviced so right now he doesn't have a car so will smash the house up out of frustration. Says he can't afford it because he spends all his money on cigarettes, alcohol, takeaway or out with friends. Anything he is frustrated with he takes it out on everyone else. Says he needs to go see a dentist so my sister gives him a list of dentists in the area but he doesn't know how to or refuses to pick the phone to call. It's like he expects everyone else to do it for him. I told my sister to call the cops when he becomes violent, it's the only way he will learn. He refuses to go see a councilor but I think he realises he has some mental issue. I told dad to kick him out of home if he refuses to see someone but dad said he is an adult and can't force him to go see one. I think dad can be half the problem sometimes because if my brother doesn't have money to go out, dad will give him money just to keep the peace. Dad has worked hard for his house and now my brother is ruining everything, what can we do?

QWERTY123456 Trying to separate (30 years of marriage) but she won't accept the fact
  • replies: 4

I'm kind of lost and because I think I've got a bit of a brain, I'm even more beside myself. To cut a long story short, I want a divorce, due to a number of issues. This has not been an overnight decision..... I have been married to a victim narcissi... View more

I'm kind of lost and because I think I've got a bit of a brain, I'm even more beside myself. To cut a long story short, I want a divorce, due to a number of issues. This has not been an overnight decision..... I have been married to a victim narcissist for a number of years, who has mental health and substance abuse issues. It's got to the point that if I don't save myself, I'll go down with her...... anyway, as I'm highly empathetic, she's got away with alot for years, and more so over the past 8, as the alcohol abuse has increased to the point it is now impacting on her physical health (mental health has been shot for years). A counsellor has said, I have been in an emotionally (and financial) abuse relationship for years...no kidding! I would like to see if anyone has any experience on how to approach a divorce, with this type of situation. The past 3 times I have tried to raise it, she ODs and I take her to ED. I really need to find a way to help her understand it's over and she needs to seek help from the agencies. She lost her job due to her alcoholism and will be homeless and income-less, if I can sort out a separation. This outcome does concern me. She has no real friends and does not get along with her family. I am happy to pay her her fair share of our assets, but this will have an impact on her gov. benefits. It won't be enough to but a place of her own, so she'll need to rent and look after herself. Something she has never done, given I have done all the cooking and cleaning, bill paying and raising my three adult daughters. Any one have any ideas of a pathway forward for me?

Nic_mum My 19 year old son ignores me
  • replies: 5

About 3 years ago my son started to shut down with me and often ignore me or treat me like I was stupid. This corresponded with a much closer relationship with my husband (his father). My son and I had always been very close, my daughter too. He wasn... View more

About 3 years ago my son started to shut down with me and often ignore me or treat me like I was stupid. This corresponded with a much closer relationship with my husband (his father). My son and I had always been very close, my daughter too. He wasn’t as close with my husband who was often emotionally and physically absent. I understand that children need to find their own path, seperate and move away and I spend time helping to build his confidence and resilience and encourage him to be his own person and take responsibility (which was often hard). Our personalities are similar - the good and the bad bits, so I get why he rejects me (I’m like a mirror) but it’s hard, a bit like a death and I’m really struggling- not just because I desperately miss him and feel lonely but because I don’t know what to do. The fact that he’s now so close to my husband and they both sort of gang up on me ( eye rolling and dismissing me). Now my daughter has started doing it (don’t think I’ll cope with both). I’m not chasing what we had before. I know boys have to establish themselves beyond their mums but I’m worried that this will last and we’ll never be close again. I’m also worried that the way he treats me may be how he treats women in his life. Also, if he does he will struggle in his relationships. I genuinely am lost and don’t have strategies. I try things all the time and pretty much make things worse - I give him space, I tell him I love him, I support him, I encourage him to make his own decisions, I don’t control him - nothing works and it’s getting worse, almost unbearable. Now when I walk in the room he walks out. With his dad, he’s the opposite. I suspect it’s grief, but I’m seriously not coping and feel that I’m ruining things with the things I’m trying. I suspect I appear needy and emotional. I’m worried I’m confusing him, and my daughter and husband. Also, I’m worried that I’m starting to feel they’d be better without me. Any tips on things to do that may help or things you’ve done would be good.

Aria87 Feeling unsupported in marriage :(
  • replies: 2

Firstly, id like to put it out there that i understand everyone is struggling with restrictions at the moment For the past 7 months i have been dealing with my husband being unhappy with my family. Which have turned into confrination on both sides in... View more

Firstly, id like to put it out there that i understand everyone is struggling with restrictions at the moment For the past 7 months i have been dealing with my husband being unhappy with my family. Which have turned into confrination on both sides in which they are currently not speaking. Husband VS my family. This has put a huge amount of pressure on me, as since this my husband thinks its okay to continually talk or make comments about them even though im trying to move on from this situation.. which causes more anxiety for me. My husband doesnt understand my anxiety and he gets frustrated himself by this. It is now day 4, in which my husband and i have not spoken. And ive never felt so alone in my life as i do not speak to my family about my marriage (as i dont need anymore pressure or comments added to the fuel) and with friends in lockdown, i cant see anyone. My husband decided that he didnt want to continue to have dinner with me at the same time, which now seperates our 3 year old who he has dinner with. I hate this. So i just let him go with his dad and try hide the fight so he doesnt worry his precious little heart about anything. Im over crying and my son seeing it, he thinks mums tired when she cries. Id prefer this than he actually know im upset. Im just so lost. The more i try understand sides and care who feels what and try make this situation go away, the more torn and sad i become.

Digital-2_4_6 Parents deny claims of depression and do not understand me
  • replies: 1

I (17M) have lived with depression for the last year and a half. Recently during a parent-teacher interview and echoed throughout this tough time period is the idea that my mum puts forward stating that "I do not let go of past trauma." This includes... View more

I (17M) have lived with depression for the last year and a half. Recently during a parent-teacher interview and echoed throughout this tough time period is the idea that my mum puts forward stating that "I do not let go of past trauma." This includes previous friendships and bullying affecting me. She just came into my room and asked what I disliked about the mental health week we have at school and I said how I disliked that no-one chose to check up on me during the week, neither teachers nor students who ALL know about my condition. Literally all of them know, and no-one came and said anything. She then stated how "I can't always play the sympathy card" which sent me over the edge, and I stopped talking to her. I must mention that she told me to jump out of the cruise ship during a holiday last year because I attempted suicide before, and she was fed up with me. Is there any way I can relay these feelings about this to her. P.S. I regularly see a psychiatrist and take an antidepressant daily.

Coastal_vibes10 Don't know what to do or say anymore
  • replies: 3

So I have been married to my husband for 7years together for 15years and have a 5 year old child together. Things were great all the way up until I fell pregnant and since then it feels like it's all slowly falling apart. Everything used to be 50/50 ... View more

So I have been married to my husband for 7years together for 15years and have a 5 year old child together. Things were great all the way up until I fell pregnant and since then it feels like it's all slowly falling apart. Everything used to be 50/50 or close to but now everything from cooking and cleaning down to doing all the shopping, response for all bills and all of our child's wants needs, not to mention I'm the only 1 working. He is hardly around and when he is he is playing video games. The only time he touches me is if he is wanting sex, we used to be really affectionate and I need that kind of affection. Lately we just don't have sex anymore and I have voiced my feelings to him numerous times but I don't know if he just doesn't care anymore if he honestly doesn't think what if saying is true. He has told me just recently that because we don't have sex anymore he is starting to not love me anymore and anyone else in his position would have cheated by now. For a long time now I have felt incredibly lonely, lost and broken This is where things get messy, I have recently come back into contact with an old friend (we both used to have a thing for eachother but because of circumstances nothing ever happened) now having him back in my life and all these old feelings coming back (that he has told me he still has as well) has me feeling so confused. Nothing would happen with this friend as as cheating is a no for me but he has straight up asked me to leave my husband and be with him and if it wasn't for my kid I would seriously consider it. My husband has already said if we were to ever split he would fight me for everything, kid/s included and I just can't risk loosing my child as well as alot of other things incredibly important to me. I honestly don't know what I should be feeling, thinking, needing wanting or doing anymore.

anonymousteen4life Just finished cancer treatment and almost miss the hospital because my father is abusive and my personality has disaprred PLEASE HELP
  • replies: 4

Hello, all I know my issue might not be the most pressing of all as a lot of you may be having suicidal thoughts etc. and I hope you get better and know there is someone out there for you and so much more in life. Also please ignore my terrible gramm... View more

Hello, all I know my issue might not be the most pressing of all as a lot of you may be having suicidal thoughts etc. and I hope you get better and know there is someone out there for you and so much more in life. Also please ignore my terrible grammar and spelling I've always struggled with English. 10 months ago I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, Hodgkins Lymphoma and that was a battle and I'm cured now and trying to move on with life but I've seen some serious changes in my personality. I've always struggled with my relationship with my parents especially with my father he has been very harsh on me growing up. Examples are siding with my sister and not letting me even speak as it is disrespect, I don't really want to go into detail because I get to upset thinking about it. But my mom is helping meditate and fix that relationship so that should be good. But because of my 6 months of pretty much not having to do anything but sleep I've lost my work ethic and drive and I seem to get up every morning for nothing, I use video games as a escape which doesn't help, since I'm doing to advanced learning subjects and am falling behind on all my classes. If someone could so kindly give some advice on what I should do on getting my old self back and being able to be as eager as I once was and try to enjoy life a bit more. -Thank you

Zun Drained due to having newborn and alcoholic husband 😔
  • replies: 2

We have a newborn, almost 10 weeks now. . He works in defence and works 5 days a week. He is provider of the family but only earning money and not fulfilling any other responsibilities at home being a new parent is killing me. He sleeps in other room... View more

We have a newborn, almost 10 weeks now. . He works in defence and works 5 days a week. He is provider of the family but only earning money and not fulfilling any other responsibilities at home being a new parent is killing me. He sleeps in other room as he has to get up early for work. But I expect him to help me on weekends atleast so that I can get some sleep. But he is flat out with over drinking. last weekend he went out for drinks with his friends again. Told he would be home by 11, but he wasn’t home untill 12:30. So I called him, his phone was switched off and he came home around 4 am. He came completely drunk and I asked him where he was, he told me he was having drinks with friends. I asked him whats wrong with phone. He told battery was dead, but when I put to charge it had half charge left. I thought there is something going on. So I check his phone thoroughly, I found brothel address in the google maps. I was completely shattered and devastated. Here I am looking after our newborn at home all by myself and I came to know all of these. He denied he went there. And I don’t have anything to prove it. But there is no way I can believe him any more. I just feel like leaving him and move out with my lil one.