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Sexless marriage - trigger warning (sexual abuse)

Community Member
Hi, I've been married for 20yrs. My husband and I had a great sex life until we got married. He was the always too tired. He stopped kissing me, other than a hello or goodbye peck. He rejected all forms of my seduction or initiatives of sex. I began to get depressed.
My history with sex has been difficult. Raped at age 13, married at 20, raped and abused through 10yr marriage, then meeting the most amazing man who made love so beautifully..getting married to him..then here I am.
I just don't know what to do any more.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi Lost Star

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

When I first saw your thread, I was going to refer you to a number of similar threads about sex-less marriages. On reading further, I then thought it best to let your post go through to a female member of this forum. Some women don't like talking about certain problems with men.

Before I go any further, can I ask an impertinent question; you don't have to answer if you don't want too. In view of your traumatic and tragic history, do you have any lingering mental health issues. Your post would suggest no, but that is hard to assess based on a few line. I certainly don't want to say anything that will inflame old wounds.

If you do have lingering mental health issues, you might want to repost on a different BB forum dedicated to "PTSD and Trauma". You will get better support for that type of problem on that forum. I have included the link below.


Let me know if you wish to talk further on this particular forum.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor


Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. I'm really glad you felt able to reach out and share a little of your story. I am really sorry to hear about how traumatic your past experiences have been, I cannot imagine how distressing and painful it must be to go through that and live with the effects of that. It sounds like you have a lot of love for your husband, do you feel able to sit down and talk to him about what has been happening and how you are feeling? If not, would you be open to getting some additional support from one of maybe The Blue Knot Foundation (https://www.blueknot.org.au/) or Relationships Australia (http://www.relationships.org.au/)? They may be able to offer some more tailored advice and support.

Please do not hesitate to talk more on the forums as and when you feel like it. Take care. I hope things start to look up for you soon.