Long-Distance during Covid- It's getting rough!

[Meeksu]

Howdy,

I'll try to be brief! I met a lovely man in Feb 2020 right before the pandemic was announced. He was in Australia on holiday from the UK. We hit it off instantly. We spent time together while he was here, and he went home when his holiday was up. We planned to meet up in the UK in June 2020, but of course that was made impossible. We have tried to keep in contact through everything that has been happening, but it's very difficult. He secured a job in my city, and we've been waiting for months for the green light for him to get on a plane. It has been hell being on my own for a year (I don't live near family or friends) and with things the way they are in the UK right now, I feel helpless and distressed. My partner's close friend passed away today from covid, and I just want to be there for him...there is only a limited amount of things I can do from across the ocean.

Is anyone else doing long distance at the moment? And does anyone know who I can call for information regarding travel or updates on when he might be able to get into the country/ speed that up?

I study counselling, have been in therapy for 10 years to remedy my BPD symptoms, and sometimes I still feel like I've run out of options to cope!

I'm very much an 'action' person, so when I feel there is nothing I can do about a situation I tend to become more distressed than usual. Considering the state of the world right now, I think it's rather normal to feel distressed in general. Feel free to share stories, ideas, information about travel, etc.

Take care, all.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Meeksu,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we're so glad you decided to join us here. We're so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with long-distance during the pandemic. We empathise with how difficult it is to be away from loved ones. Please know that our community is here to support you and we will get through this. 

If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. 

Thanks for sharing what you're going through here. 

[Bananie1234]

Hi Meeksu,

I’m the same and I also live away from family. i met mine early dec and he left to be an expat overseas only days before they shut the borders. He didn’t want to commit cos he was particularly afraid of LDR and he also didn’t want him putting his career first to ruin us. But he was committed to keeping in touch and we considered moving overseas together if work takes him to a country where we can both live in. We were suppose to travel together last year and we talked about doing it this year if travel permits. But covid makes it hard for us to even discuss this.

around 7 months in, i reached my low point. i felt disconnected, insecure and anxious. By now (11 months) i can definitely feel us drifting apart and it’s making me more anxious. He used to keep in touch regularly but not recently. Lately, he doesn’t answer half my texts nor call me as much. I tried not to take it personally as nothing suggests that he’s lost interest in me plus when you’re apart for so long, it’s inevitable. I also know that he’s drained too, with the pandemic and his work (he works at least 12 hours a day for many weeks straight) plus being away from family.

i can sense that he’s feeling hopeless and i think that’s what made him less invested. When one of us starts to give up it’s only a matter of time before we fizzle out if we dont see each other soon. This just my assumption. Maybe he really is just busy and needs space to do his own thing with such little free time.

i can only tell you, COMMUNICATE as much as possible but don’t over-do it and continue to learn about each other. The fact that youre calling him your partner shows that it’s going well and he must be putting in a lot of effort to keep this going and that should give you hope. Continue to put in equal trust and effort and everything will be fine. But it’s okay if sometimes one of you have to put in more.

I know travel is unlikely but with the vaccination rolling out maybe restrictions will ease a bit for those who had the jab. But it’ll suck for those that don’t. Many countries are starting to open up for those who had the vax.

there really isn’t much support for people in our situation. You can only try and hang on to hope as much as possible.

good luck 🙂