Hi Toscanini,
Thanks for your post.
It's a very hard and heartbreaking process to go through and I think that the word grief is very appropriate if you're ex has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Relationship breakdowns of any kind are so hard in themselves. But when you have something like narcissism at the core it is all the harder.
I want to state clearly that i am not a professional at all and that the following is just based on my personal experience, personal research and speaking to others in similar situations... Its not advice. I very highly recommend that you talk to a professional with knowledge of NPD
I had only a vague (and largely incorrect) idea of narcissistic personality disorder was until a couple of years ago in a therapy session my psychologist mentioned that she thought my mother had the disorder....... The more I looked into it the more my life made sense..... and the less my life made sense. I felt my world completely turned on its head. I also then realised that my ex was also had the same disorder.. I jumped from one to the next. I wont get lost in my story on your thread however some things that may be helpful to you.
- You are not alone. It probably feels like it but there is more people out there who have been in relationships with narcissists than you think.
- It is not your fault. If you have spent that amount of time with someone with those traits you are likely to have thought that you are to blame for things. Deflecting blame is something that narcissist seem to do very well.
- You are NOT crazy.
- You are not foolish or silly for not realising sooner. They do not come with a warning label. They can be very very hard to spot. You are not alone. I have also been told that sometimes its very sensitive, empathetic caring people who are more likely to find themselves in these relationships.... It no real consolation.... but you are likely to be very empathetic, the tricky bit is that makes it even harder to comprehend that some people do not have empathy. It is a hard thing to get your head around....
Best of luck for the future
Warmest of wishes.
Know you are not alone.
Take care
sister moon
P.S. this is my first attempt at a post of support (I was hanging out in the BB Cafe last night but I a newbie) please anyone feel free to let me know if I have over stepped any lines.
