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Grieving discovery of narcissism

toscanini
Community Member
I'm struggling, because I always knew there was something wrong. Now I know he has no empathy, no love and he is only out to make himself feel good. My love and care seem wasted. It's only been a few weeks since I've realised. I've been duped after 50 years of fake love.
5 Replies 5

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Toscanini,

Welcome to this forum.

This place is full of kind, supportive and caring people.

I am so sorry that you are struggling. It must be so hard to feel you have been duped after 50 years of fake love.

Do you have someone to whom you can talk about your feelings ? your doctor or a counsellor.

It is important you look after yourself .

You are not alone, there are others reading this who can relate to what you wrote.

Quirky

A very difficult form of grieving when you have loved someone and given your all. Your time and energy. Only to find out that they were truely incapable leaving you not option but to love them from a distance.

You have plenty of support here!

Thank you for your understanding. I will be seeing a counsellor on 8.1.2019

Thank you Natalia123

sister_moon
Community Member

Hi Toscanini,

Thanks for your post.

It's a very hard and heartbreaking process to go through and I think that the word grief is very appropriate if you're ex has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Relationship breakdowns of any kind are so hard in themselves. But when you have something like narcissism at the core it is all the harder.

I want to state clearly that i am not a professional at all and that the following is just based on my personal experience, personal research and speaking to others in similar situations... Its not advice. I very highly recommend that you talk to a professional with knowledge of NPD

I had only a vague (and largely incorrect) idea of narcissistic personality disorder was until a couple of years ago in a therapy session my psychologist mentioned that she thought my mother had the disorder....... The more I looked into it the more my life made sense..... and the less my life made sense. I felt my world completely turned on its head. I also then realised that my ex was also had the same disorder.. I jumped from one to the next. I wont get lost in my story on your thread however some things that may be helpful to you.

- You are not alone. It probably feels like it but there is more people out there who have been in relationships with narcissists than you think.

- It is not your fault. If you have spent that amount of time with someone with those traits you are likely to have thought that you are to blame for things. Deflecting blame is something that narcissist seem to do very well.

- You are NOT crazy.

- You are not foolish or silly for not realising sooner. They do not come with a warning label. They can be very very hard to spot. You are not alone. I have also been told that sometimes its very sensitive, empathetic caring people who are more likely to find themselves in these relationships.... It no real consolation.... but you are likely to be very empathetic, the tricky bit is that makes it even harder to comprehend that some people do not have empathy. It is a hard thing to get your head around....

Best of luck for the future

Warmest of wishes.

Know you are not alone.

Take care

sister moon

P.S. this is my first attempt at a post of support (I was hanging out in the BB Cafe last night but I a newbie) please anyone feel free to let me know if I have over stepped any lines.