Feeling so desperate

[Elsam]

I am desperate, I have had to take Valium tonight to ease my Anxiety

i am so in love with this man, he has pursued me for 5 mths and we have seen each other twice.

i told him on Wednesday night that I am so attracted to him and he replied:

Oh boy... Blushing

I replied: You wanted to know!

i want to message him but am so scared of scaring him off or losing him.

I feel such an amazing connection with him and feel so crazy in love with him

i don’t know what to do, the waiting is killing me!
Why has been become distant?

Is he thinking about me being attracted or is he is getting his thoughts together or is he ignoring me??

I don’t know what to do with him!

Do I send a message and say:

Are you not talking to me now? Or it would be nice to know if you are not talking to me now? But that makes me look desperate!

I sent him a nice message this morning:

Happy Friday!

Hope you have a nice day! xx

Got no response

I am dying with anxiety and can only think he is with another woman!

I cannot think straight

[Guest_206]

Hi Elsam,

I'm sorry to hear you've been having lots of anxiety over this man. The dating world is certainly a roller coaster of emotions.

Can I ask what you are still unclear about? You say you want to call him now because you are not getting the answers you want, but do you think that you might already know the answers?

You say you want to ask to meet him for coffee - have you thought about how he might respond given that he has already told you he doesnt want a relationship?

What does that mean to you - him saying that he doesn't want a relationship?

Can I ask what is stopping you from being able to move on from this man? What would it take?

Xg

[Juliet_84]

Hi Elsam,

I just wanted to check in and see how you’re going? Have there been any more developments to your situation? I know you were suffering from some really bad panic attacks, I hope you’ve managed to get some relief from them.

Juliet x

[Elsam]

@Guest_206 and @Juliet_84
Thank you for your messages and thoughts. I have been sick with anxiety and could not get out of bed over the weekend.
I don’t know, there is something that am I crazy about and so attracted to him, I have never felt this attraction to anyone before and I cannot let him go.
We have had lots of messages back and forth because I am trying to get answers from him.
Last Monday I couldn’t handle it anymore and sent this message:
Can you please tell me if I have done or said something ?
I am hurting and don’t know why you have changed after 5.5 mths
Please talk to me xxx
His response:
I am getting ready for my upcoming tests and preoccupied with that. As I mentioned not keen to kindle too much at the moment. I am sure you understand. Hope you had a fantastic weekend!


My response:
I totally understand you are busy and have your exams!
You were texting me everyday and flirting, how did you want me to feel. You were sending photos all the time and suddenly stopped. When we were together you gave me the impression you were attracted to me!
That’s why I’m confused!
Can I ask what you are looking for? As I said you cannot help who you are attracted to....
If there is no attraction there is nothing!
I like you, I think highly of you....
Is there anything wrong with that?
He never responded to the above!

[Elsam]

Tuesday: I said Good luck for your Exams this week and and he never even said thank you!

Wednesday: Can you have the respect to answer one question for me please?
He replied straight away with: Not sure why you keep digging to change my answer?
As I said above, don't want to kindle or a relationship at the moment. Not in the frame of mind. Also my mind is focused on getting my xxxxx done now.
Have a good rest of a week and be well.
Wednesday night: I said hope you had a nice day!
If you don’t mind me asking?
Are we ever going to catch up as friends again, only asking because you say not at the moment!
Thursday morning he replied: Yes, sure when I am over the Hump. Have a good day!

Then I apologised if he had taken my messages the wrong way about a relationship! Because he seemed to change after I said I was attracted to him. But I did give him the opportunity when I asked do you really want to know and he said Yes!

Saturday I just sent a message and said Happy Saturday to see if he would respond
He replied: Hope you are well, enjoy your weekend.
Yesterday:

What are you looking for now M ?

I am sorry if I was confusing, but I am not any longer. I believe I made it clear I am not looking to mingle, flirt or be in a relationship.
Why has he kept in contact for nearly 6 months to turn around and say this to me. He was the one pursuing me all the time even for the 6 weeks he was overseas!
Why do all this for nothing, when he made it clear he was attracted to me and loved my photos.
I do not understand how he can turn around and say he is not looking to mingle, flirt or be in a relationship after 6 playing games with me for 6 months!

He got me fired up!!
So I said playing Cat and Mouse ??
I don’t understand why you just cut me off after 5.5 mths?
You wanted our rendezvous ?
I told you I am not ready for a relationship. I have feelings for you and I am hurting, can you understand that....
I would love to catch up with you when you are ready... xx

Today my mind was crazy and I had to send a message!
I’m sorry, I am very disappointed and upset at the way you are treating me when I have only been nice to you!!
I do not believe you have made it clear because it was only Thursday you said we would catch up when you are over the Hump!
I would appreciate it if you can please tell me what I have done to you for you to change??
He has not yet responded!

[Elsam]

He doesn’t realise I am suffering from anxiety and panic attack!

His behaviour is only making it worse for me!

I am living on Valium so I can sleep, I asked my GP for a mental health care plan to see a Psychologist and no one could even bother contacting me!!!

I try talking to my friends but because they do not understand anxiety/panic attacks they just tell me to stop being stupid!!

So I don’t talk to anyone now because no one understands.

Most of this is caused from the DV from my ex husband which I will suffer with for the rest of my life.

[Elsam]

I have probably made the biggest fool of myself by telling him how I feel but the anxiety takes over and I just have to let it out.

He probably won’t want to see me again after my messages because he will think I am crazy!

But he started it all by playing games and playing with my emotions and just proved to me that he is guilty of taking advantage of me!!

All I want is to love him and be happy with him! I am not even asking for a relationship, I even said to him just let us be friends and whatever happens happens!!

But his response was that he didn’t want to mingle, flirt or a relationship!!

So what has he been doing with me for the last 6 months!!

I never took advantage of him and I have been so honest and genuine with him.

My friends said never tell a man what you are thinking!!

Why shouldn’t we be able to express our feelings and emotions towards someone we have feelings for without fear!!!

[WaterFront]

Hi Elsam,

I'm sorry to hear you have had another bad week with the anxiety and panic attacks related to this situation. If your GP hasn't got back to you for a mental health plan to see a psychologist maybe you should give it another try so that you can get some support in this way. You could also use some of the BB resources, chat online, email or phone and they might be able to provide some referrals.

This person is being very unkind to you and even though you are attracted to him, I think you need to ask yourself whether he is the kind of person you really want to be involved with in any way. I know you are very distressed with the way he has been treating you and responding (and not responding) to you and based on his past behaviour, I really don't think that is going to change. He doesn't sound like he can be trusted to be a caring and supportive person to you.

Elsam, I can't tell you what to do as everyone needs to make their own choices, though I really think you might be much better off if you 'cut your losses' and made the decision that this person is not for you and not worthy of your love or attention.

Please continue to let us know how you are doing if you feel you want to and are up to it. The BB community are here for you to provide support and advice.

WF

[Hanna3]

Hi Elsam

I'm sorry you are still suffering so much anxiety. Perhaps your GP is over-busy at the moment with covid as well - it might be worth giving them another call about the psychologist as I think some support would be good for you.

The way this man speaks to you is quite flippant and condescending. He's made it very clear now that he wants nothing more than perhaps occasional sex with you when it suits him. It would have been decent of him to tell you this a long time ago.

I agree with Waterfront that we can't tell you what to do but I wouldn't waste any more time on this man.

I hope you can get some support to help you get over all this and move on to something better.

You have my best wishes 🥀🍃🌼

[Guest_1643]

Hi Elsam,

It's not fair, and I see you trying to hold this man to a higher standard. Ie how could someone his age act so childish? How could someone who said they were interested, change their mind? Why is he not being nicer?

I would flip all that and ask, why does that matter? Why is he worthy of you? why do you want his attention, if he's such a bad guy?

He had a good thing, he blew it, and he's playing power games. Ur too good.... love urself and heal urself and surround urself ejth ppl who truly lovely and treat u kindly. Then, naturally, good people will co,e to u, who respect Ur boundaries etc. I suggest the book It's Called A Breakup Bexause it's Broken by Greg Behrent

[Juliet_84]

Hi Elsam,

I think you said something interesting when you said “most of this is caused from the DV from my ex husband which I will suffer with for the rest of my life.” I think that’s important to remember, that most of the feelings that you are going through now are most likely as a result of your trauma from your previous relationship. Although I don’t agree that you will suffer from this for the rest of your life, you are worthy of love and capable of healing. I remember when I got out of my DV relationship, I started dating because that is what you do and I wanted a relationship to heal me. But I ended up just falling way too fast for the wrong person and getting my heart broken. Because I was still fragile and hadn’t taken the time to heal completely beforehand. If you really think about it, I think that you will come to realize that it wasn’t about this guy - he was emotionally unavailable, would never speak to you on the phone, rarely saw you, didn’t take you out for lunch or in the daylight, didn’t remember details about you. But you are more likely grieving the loss of the “what could have been”, the perfect relationship that you wanted but that he wasn’t. This guy isn’t right for you and he’ll never be right for you - you will always feel like you’re too much because he is unable to meet you half way. If it was me I would consider giving dating a bit of a break for awhile and focus on myself. Or alternatively if you wish to keep dating, I would really focus on people’s actions rather than their words, so that you can hopefully spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing next time. The dating world is full of all sorts of people and I would hate for you to wind up in a similar situation or be taken advantage of.