Feeling A Little Lost

[Elle81]

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for everything & I feel so overwhelmed to the point where i will leave to have a breather but then cant think clearly & feel so much guilt, I had to give up my very successful career and I struggle with asking my husband for money (no shared accounts) as prior I've always been very independent. My husband also frequently uses the excuse that he is the one working & making the money to get out of supporting me around the house with the kids, pets and general maintenance...it's all lumped on me. My health is declining, I'm not sleeping. 

I always have the attitude of just get on with it and I'm very patient with my children but I'm suffocating. I can't seem to find time for myself my hubby leaves at 5am and gets home at 8pm -9pm from the restaurant we have no other family support moving here from overseas and I also have only met a few school mums but haven't build solid relationships yet.

If anyone has any ideas on how I can reorganise my life,  I'm all ears. 

[Justwalkinghome]

Hi Elle

None of us are meant to live in isolation from others, and none of us are made to work 24/7 for no pay - except for parents! 

You sound like you're feeling starved for company, companionship, affection and support. 

I am not sure how old the children are, but is there a way that you can have a 'break' while with them? For example a playgroup setting might allow you to chat to other parents and also have a coffee? Or, if they are at school, helping out in the canteen (yes, it's work but you're out of the house and chatting to others). 

On the home front, it might be useful (even though it feels really hard I am sure!) to talk to him about how you appreciate how tired he must be, the long hours he works etc, and then softly lead into "but at least you get to have a wee with no one touching you" and share that you're feeling overwhelmed. 

Maybe there is room in the budget for a cleaner to support once a fortnight? Is there anything else you can delegate? The children, for example, can fill up dogs water bowl, re fill food bowl, brush fur etc. Likewise, they can have a cloth and a spray bottle and follow along behind you, or learn to fold clothes. 

[Elle81]

Thank you.