Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

[Guest_1584]

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it.

You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right .

Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam..

Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too.

l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet.

Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much quirk , how you going ok ? Sorry to say though, l'm afraid l'm about to blow the coping thing outa the water.

Another big development, and not a good one, it's gonna sound a bit crazy in fact.

Before gf headed home last time, l tried to explain that really l'm not comfortable with the whole visa thing yet if it comes to that because we just haven't had enough real time together in person and l really need another 6mths. That'd give me the time with my daughter and time l need to just feel US , me and gf , more , before anything rash. So much rash in my life not getting any younger, trying not to eff up, probably trying too hard, l admit. Many a time l';ve wondered if l should just go with it hope for the best to hell with all this caution . Seems to make things worse. l would've moons ago but after everything else self preservation's no 1 right now, the intent anyway.

Soooo, she headed home, which is staying at her sons right now because of his wifes problems and trying to help out there with the baby. Here;s the first thing. Gf's English isn't all that great when it comes to the fine print at times and she thought l meant l didn't wanna see her 6mths. Even though we'd been talking right through since she got back home, that was in her head. One of her jobs is family care , sometimes live in, she's with an agency. Well thinking l wanted a 6mth break and things getting a bit much at her sons, she called the agency for work but the only one they had at the time was in the next state and live in. She took it and so now she's two states away doing a 3mth live in contract there.

l said wth didn't you discuss it with me first she says you said you didn't wanna see me 6mths, bloody hell. At that time we'd had a few days break for a breather , the job came up so she flew up there and started . We can talk hours and hours but sometimes with something really important she says something in her way but in english it means something opposite, or we talk about something and she takes it all wrong, important stuff you just gotta be careful it's all on the right page.

Soooooo, now she's 2500 k away , locked into a 3mth contract. Bloody hell.

[Guest_1584]

Wellllll,l'm kinda happy to say after all that and my rant , that problems been solved .

The boss there yelled at her a few times so she told him to GFH and quit. Ata girl.

Funniest thing , l know l shouldn't chuckle at it but l'm proud of her.

Soooo, at least that's one thing fixed.

Rx

[Mil]

Hey RX & all posters!

I'm sorry I haven't been around lately! I've been very busy with big spikes of anxiety, so I've been a bit absent from the Internet. It sounds like a lot has happened to you too, how are you holding up?

To answer to your question RX, yep I moved accross the oceans for this relationship! (haha do you like how dramatic that sounds?) - only it's not a boyfriend but a girlfriend 😉 We had been together 2 years prior to the move and had also lived together for a year. I think the living together is key, really. Although I know of couples who are great together and live separately, communal living will definitely test the relationship in ways that separate living won't. In partner visa applications (more on this later), living together is one of the big markers they want to see.

It is a difficult situation, and we don't know you and your lady personnally, so we can't tell what would be the right call. We can help you through the process of doing so yourself though! I think Paul is absolutely right to advise caution, and it sounds like you're very conscious of the "risks". I DO agree it is too early for a partner visa, especially with the circumstances that I can gather from your posts, because it is so expensive and also very demanding in terms of documentation. However, that doesn't mean you have to end the relationship! You still have time to find a solution. It seems if you were to terminate it here, you would be sad anyway. So the whole protecting yourself from heartbreak is not really an option anymore, is it? Bear in mind my own view is also tainted by my own experience, but from what you are writing, it sounds like you want to listen to your heart, and that this what scares you. You seem to really care for her and to thoroughly enjoy your time together, but the uncertainty makes pursuing the relationship into a leap of faith. You can't reduce the uncertainty of her situation, but you can work to make sure of your feelings. Why not introduce her to your family, your daughter? They know you and could help bring an external eye on your couple.

It's great that her son is willing to pay for her visa. What type of visa was he thinking about? Was her son born in Australia, is he a permanent resident/citizen? If so, she might have other options than a partner visa. (I apologise if this is already an alternative that you have explored and doesn't work out)

Cheers,

Mil

[Mil]

PS: Although I was sorry to learn about the miscommunication with the 6 months and the job, I also really enjoyed reading about how proud you were that she stood up for herself. You're a supportive partner and I'm sure it helps her a lot in this stressful time.

I also think it's great that you have consulted with agents and gotten two expert opinions, even if their answer was not what you were hoping for. Understanding all the visa terms is near impossible for people like us who don't have legal insight and experience in the field, and even more so if your lady's English is not the most solid. Since the stakes are high, you want to be best prepared... How is her son's English? Do you know him personnally? Maybe you can work with him to find other solutions, if you aren't already?

Also to give more context to my own situation, when we moved to Australia I started on Working Holiday Visa to give us the time to see if we would have a long-term future together here. Once that became clear, the partner visa was our best option because I work freelance so a work visa would have been very difficult to get and would have to renewed constantly, so in the end it would have cost us more. There is still a fair bit of uncertainty since we don't know if it will be accepted, and obviously life happens so nobody is protected from a split-up or worse, but we have definitely tried to reduce the uncertain factors to a minimum. We also shared the cost of the visa equally. Still a leap of faith, but one I felt prepared to make. Definitely not something you want to be rushed into.

[Guest_1584]

Hey mil , and no no not at all, a lot of people come and go round here in spats me included, no problemo. That was really nice of you to offer with the visa stuff , really , and thanks for that. But ahh, if it came to that tbh gf' is damn near an expert herself these days , the stuff the poor things been through with it all,

Nope haven't met the son yet , just a few emails , btu ahh , a partner visa if it came to that , is the only one she could reapply for at this stage. The sons Portuguese too, he moved over here 10yrs ago . But anyway it's like everything else though, any of this stuff is a no hurry as yet way to soon. Damn shame really there's been so much cart before the horse for us yet too soon for any of it. Actually Gf would be happy to drop the lot anyway live and love until she hears tbh us wise, on one hand, but lately she's also chasing up every avenue she can find too while she's up home, because of us now,. She's seeing a new lawyer this week. Otherwise she'd just say to hell with it all at this stage if they decline so be it she'd go back to Portugal not meant to be and be done with it all. She still has a place back home depressed market though so she's had to hold onto that for now. And nah she couldn't go for the family visa , seen the price of that ?

Anyway, she'll be down again soon , maybe we should just forget all about it and just get back to us for a few months now given time of year and to hell with it. lt's always on my mind though tbh that's the thing butttt, maybe l can do something about that.

But nah it's big thing for you mil , you guys and over oceans is no dramatics at all it's a very long bloody way haha, huge thing. Wish you the best of luck too btw.You write so well did you grow up on English ?

Thanks a heap Mil , hope your doin ok.

[geoff]

Hi RX, take care of yourself.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Mil]

Thanks RX. I didn't grow up on English but I did study it for a long time 🙂 I'm doing ok but my partner's mental health is not great at the moment, so I worry about her. Today she did manage to go to a sports class though and seemed to have really enjoyed herself so that's encouraging! She's very fit and can learn things really quickly (when it takes me ages, I don't have much body control). I like that she pushes me to do more and experience new things and I try to do the same for her. Do you do any sports?

I did NOT know how much a family visa costs, I just checked it out and I nearly fell off my chair!! That's extortion at this rate...

I can absolutely believe your girlfriend has now become quite familiar with the many visa possibilities. It is a very exhausting process and a stressful situation, but I hope you can at least enjoy your time together.

Take care and let us know how it goes!

Mil

[Guest_1584]

Ahh hell yeah , it is , l can't even comprehend how they could come up with numbers like that, and it's about family. Just goes to show no matter what bs they sprout , that's shows their real cares for family. That should be the easiest and most important of all.

Anyway , just some rant.

Gf's talked to a new lawyer/agent. More money , she's already spent a fortune to no avail , so to just even speak to someone else becomes a decision itself.

Anddd, this lawyer pointed out dozens of huge mistakes that will really go against her case, the others either just plain missed or just did in such stupid contradicting ways that it'll only make it worse. l thought that myself , but gf was getting so confused with it all and the mixed advice, but still atm she knows a lot more about it all , poor thing , than l do . Add our newness as us , l've sorta tried to keep thoughts low key and not to get too involved just yet. l dunno , l keep coming back to we've only spent 5 or 6mths actually together in person and to tread gently especially financially, if l started offering or throwing money around l could've easily poured 1000's into these fools already , and if their crap doesn't work out there'd still be a whole new visa to do at the end, yaknow , so more money. l hate being like that but l just have too, too many guys been taken to the cleaners with chicks turning on a show needing visa's , and then it's adios , yaknow. l just wanna know for sure we're real and she's real, and l wanna know for sure that she'll keep off her butt and do whatever she can too , first. Even though guilt for that attitude lately is kills me , because l know what she's going through and the person she seems to be but still , l have to watch out for myself too just now so soon , is that so wrong.

Sooo, now this lawyers pointed out so many things it makes all the rest and her whole case look hopeless. But she'll cost 3k to fix it but can't guarantee it will fix it.

See what l mean about money. Gf's already spent at least that on the other fools.

God l dunno .

[blondguy]

Hey RX

Apologies for my absence on your thread as I have been taking a few breaks...and then some!

You mentioned..." we've only spent 5 or 6mths actually together in person" The time frame may be short yet all that matters is how you really feel in your heart

Just my humble opinion RX....Everything seems to be a lot more complicated than it needs to be in this early stage of your (or any) relationship. I do respect the geographic difficulties involved though RX

You have already been through some serious relationship pain before you met your GF

This is tough situation RX....yet you know the answer when you said "we've only spent 5 or 6mths actually together in person"

my kindest always

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Hey Paul, and thanks for dropping in and the thoughts. Yep need a good break myself too.

Anyway hell no l certainly don't wanna be dealing with visa stuff and hassles on that scale, not yet anyway.

Thing is , we're great and just grow, we have been since day one, and she didn't get the letter until 6mths in, that stuff was all done, so it wasn't about visa's, bloody is now though. l do want us and her , but l still have to be sure right now, it's just too soon for heavy stuff like that. Another 12mths and l'd be ok with it if it does come to new visas , as long as we're ok, better. But that'll be too late though they're saying now maybe Feb next year, few months away, and she'll get an answer. If it's a decline then it's apply for a whole new partner visa, that's yours truly , or leave the country.

Might toss a coin seems nothing else is working.

All the best, rx