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Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Community Member

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it.

You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right .

Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam..

Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too.

l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet.

Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.

82 Replies 82

Community Member

Hey RX,

I'm sorry to hear about the new info this other lawyer gave your girlfriend, however it is really best to know or be prepared for this sort of things. The waiting-without-knowing can really make you nuts, I know about that first hand. The more you know, the better you can prepare.

I'm repeating myself but you are absolutely right to protect yourself. As everybody said, it would be unwise at this stage to get involved financially. That's nothing to feel guilty about and if she cares about you, she will understand! Let yourself time to see how the relationship and your feelings evolve. It sounds to me like you're already supporting her emotionally and helping her through the complexity of administrative requirements, which is no doubt a relief for her as well as a testimony of how you care. It's already plenty.

You still have time before February is at the door (if she even gets an answer by then, processing times are only getting longer). Are the lawyers she is consulting also giving her advice on what to do if the application is rejected? It sounds to me like applying to another partner visa might not be the best option anyway, considering the relationship is still young and you live apart.

Sending positive thoughts your way!


Community Member

Hiya mil , and thanks for that . Repeat away too btw no worries at all l need it haha.

l'm sorry too btw that your going through the weight and stress but l think you'll be ok try to chill on it all a bit eh.

l think l'm right protecting myself too but mind you, at other times l just think wth has random gone, all this caution and bs , would've just gone for it heart permitting few years ago and sometimes l wonder if l should just drop it all and bloody relax, enjoy and hope for the best or cross bridges if l have too later, l dunno. l hate it when natural feelings and instants get blended with caution because l just can't get a clear read on myself and when that happens there's too much of all this rubbish .

l forget now why she thinks it'll be feb' . hope your right actually but yeah it does sound too soon and just and unlikely time and all doesn't it, never know might get luck with more time. She's still up in sydney, few more weeks yet gotta see the lawyer again but by then l'll be finished the last job with work and we just try to have a damn good no thinking no stressing holiday l reckon.

Actually good idea for you too mil .


Hi RandomX,

I have seen some of your posts for the last while but have not commented as it is a difficult situation for sure.

However, I think that we all get preoccupied with protecting ourselves at all costs (myself included), due to fear of what may happen, what if someone rips us off etc but in actual fact we can end up hurting someone who is decent because of our behavior.

Judging from your initial post, you have now known this woman for 15 months, which I think is a reasonable time to make a reasonable judgement on a person and their intentions. I think if you think about her and ask yourself if you think she is trustworthy, you would say yes. I understand that this is a large commitment but I think that you need to decide one way or the other and commit to your decision, otherwise you could go on indefinitely half-in/half-out, which isn’t a way to live. Those are just my thoughts and another perspective so feel free to ignore 😊 perhaps you could set yourself a deadline, if this is not resolved by X I will do X? I have started doing this for myself and find it helpful for overcoming analysis paralysis.

Hiya Juliet how are ya.

Thanks for the thoughts yeah pretty well agree l know what you mean. l've gotten myself into this stupid wait wait wait mind and just going in circles lately exactly, half in half out, it's really messing me up. l'm normally fairly go forit'ish yea or neigh'ish but l dunno, admittedly this is a seriously tricky one though especially at this stage after everything else. l'm fighting myself tbh. lt's both yaknow, maybe having to fork out 1000s if l did have to when we're just too new, or we were, and trying, and unsuccessfully anyway , to protect heart and myself, or something like that.

But yep must be 14 15mths and l know she's 100% legit and she's only going through all this only for us and me at this stage , and it's been a lot.

Anyway , she'll probably be down again soon so we can see where we're at between then and when it hits the fan if it does, hopefully l guess.

Thanks for that muchly appreciated . rx

Hi RX, I still read your comments plus what other people have also said and you know I support you in every way possible, but can I just say that this situation is pulling you up and then down, so I worry about your own health.

Please look after your best interests because what's going to happen in 5 to 10 years time.

We care about you RX.


Community Member

Gday Geoff.

Thanks very much for the thoughts , always appreciated .

Your not wrong it is, whatever happened to simple no brainers l ask haha. But ahh, l don't pace up and down worried sick 24 7 or anything like that don't worry, and work and other things going on take me away mentally too so there's plenty of distraction. lt's always hovering around in the background though for sure.

Take care mate. rx

Community Member

Hi there,

Just dropping in to walk the line again - I do think it's necessary to protect yourself financially, but that's different from shielding yourself from your feelings. From what you write, it sounds like the relationship is doing you good if you don't consider the visa issue. It also sounds like you're already smitten, so if she is trustworthy, I'd say better live it through than putting an end to it too soon and end up with regrets. You never know how it might evolve. When I met my lady in Germany and she told me (about 6 months in, I think) that she'd like to go back to Australia in the future, at first I thought "oh that's a shame" because I had never contemplated moving there and could not imagine it at the time. And yet 6 months later this idea was already not as foreign, another six and it was in the planning. But that's just my own experience, and everyone's different! We also had time to live together first, and we could start with a visa that didn't require such a heavy commitment.

There might be other solutions available than another partner/parent visa that would buy you time? Have you gotten professional legal advice on that? Even tourist visas can sometimes be extended (especially if her son is a resident/citizen), but then she wouldn't be able to work...

Take care RX


PS: we did get a little holiday recently, it was lovely and did us a lot of good 🙂 I hope you can do that too!

Community Member

Hiya mil

glad you got a bit of a holiday , nice one hope your feeling a bit better.

l'll have to come back when l get my head straight tbh, lots going on this week, read again and fill you in later.

Thanks a heap , all the best, rx

Community Member

Hey RX,

How are things going? Did you manage to get some quality time, either for yourself or together with your lady?

Here I'm a bit stressed because I have an exam coming up (part time training I've been doing to introduce more variety in my work and who knows maybe a full reconversion later on?) and am procrastinating as usual, but we also have a hiking & camping weekend planned which should help. Well, not so much with the studying but at least with the stress 🙂

Thinking of you!


Community Member

Hiya mil .

And thanks very much for that . Lucky you getting away hiking , hope it was nice. What a great break can't beat nature and the out doors for stress and a head full of crap can ya. l could use some of that myself haven't gottten out on the wkends way too long now been feeling reclusive. Promised myself l would last wkend finally but the weather was crap.

Nope we've had zero time together she's still up home , still seein legals and now she's got some temp work , no idea as yet wth we're gonna be doin tbh. Could be Christmas maybe even after yet . Been a few ripples in paradise- US, too actually butttt, we see l suppose for now . Although l'm realizing it's probably more like just everything taking it's toll right now .

Anyway on the visa front her cards have been saying she''ll be ok so that's picked her spirits up a bit . Even if it is just the cards, it's still just nice to at least feel some positive come from somewhere hey.

Good luck with the exam , knockem dead