Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

[Guest_1584]

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it.

You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right .

Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam..

Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too.

l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet.

Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a lot mil , really good of you, great ramble, l need one of those face things to stick there.

l could just imagine the stress it's been for you guys especially with you moving over, it's a huge thing for you do do.l think yours should be ok most of the partner ones seem to go through unless they're suspicious and you guys are real so it should be ok. l feel like my gf will get to stay one way or another but stressing , my feelings haven't been as accurate lately as they usually are l need a clear head to have clear feelings and there hasn't been much clear head in this last 12mths haha so really God only knows tbh.

I', not sure about that 6yr thing , she hasn't been here quite that long but l'll def' look into that though and thanks for that one.

The free aid crowd l found turns out she's already tried them , damn, and they weren't much help so so much for that one. l got a 30min phone call with one of the agencies though and he said if she is denied she'll be have 28 days to leave the country and any future apps will have to be started offshore from her country , but l dunno, that didn't sound right to me, even though he was 20yrs in the business, l've read different , so as yet l dunno .An appeal is cheaper than a new visa if it comes to that, think it's about 1600, again insanely ridiculous and l dunno if it'd work but that's another thing she was looking at if worse comes to worse, But shyt if there is that 6yr thing you mentioned , that could be something too so l'll see if l can dig anything up on that.

l sure hear you about the relationship anxiousness and l could only imagine for you in this. But yeah since this has all come up l'm afraid it's all messed with my head a lot on all things US . nope, haven't seen that series. but eh you should def' be enjoying things you know, ta knew each other a few years before so you in that way you know where your at. but l can well understand your anxiety now though too , just hope ya don't start subconsciously sabotaging like l know l've done a bit of for sure. just because of all this stuff l mean , wish l could switch myself off on all that though and maybe just take you guys advice, and enjoy well, l decided l'm gonna try that thanks mil, and geoff to btw.

mil btw l found a good visa forum there's heaps of stuff like yours in it and heaps of info. australiaforum. Should check it out.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Can't believe, l've managed a couple of long rants here that well , are quite readable, be damned.

[Mil]

If you like 80s nostalgia and weird monster stuff, I recommend the series! It's really good and spooky but also fun, and great actors too.

Hey can I ask if you have anyone to talk to about your doubts in real life? I know it can be tough to address some of it direcly with the lady in question, but I hope you have mates or a psych/advisor/priest if you're into that to help you go through it all. Sometimes advice from people who know you well can help a lot.

Thanks for the forum tip!! I think I've been on it before, it's really good and so nice to hear from people who are in the same situation.

Let us know how you're doing, best of luck with it all! Know they're people here cheering you on.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks mil

Yeah there's people like a few brothers , but l haven't mentioned this stuff l dunno , l just don't really feel like letting it out right now tbh. We have talked a bit about other things but l haven't gone into the visa stuff.

Although one brother has a chinese gf he does business over there and met her a few yrs ago and they're thinking of moving over to here, she still lives in china at the moment. And would you believe also my oldest brothers son was traveling and met a German they've been living here and Germany a few yrs now but l just heard she also moving over here now soon too. So there's actually two other situations just in my family , kinda weird that now l might have one myself too hey.

Anyway , gf's coming back down in a wk or so she'll be back awhile and we're gonna see if we can work out a plan b just encase she is denied. Ya know , been thinking that way if we could know we have a plan b as back up , maybe l could just bloody relax on it a bit yaknow, and get back to just enjoying us ,

rx

[Mil]

Hey RX,

I think that's a great idea! Having something you can work on together is also a good way to feel like you have some control on the situation - at least you're prepared you know. That'll probably be a relief for your lady too.

That's funny that you have quite a few members of your family also dealing with visas! I'd encourage you to talk about it with them, not really for technical advice as everyone's situation is a bit different, but for venting and moral support it can be quite nice...

Also funny - I met my own partner in Germany too! Except I'm French, just happened to be working there.

Cheers,

Mil

[Guest_1584]

Hiya mil and thanks for that.

l was in that visa forum other night l mean it's pretty quiet l must admit but scanning through there was a post for just about any scenario somewhere and l found the exact thing as y gf's sitch. She had a good outcome so at least that was something but she did have better paperwork too and that got her over the line bugger.

You met in Germany and your French , classic, guess what, my mum was French.

Anyway , yeah l dunno if there is a back up plan butttt, we see, well one she can afford anyway and l can't add much it's not only too soon for that but it's been a very tight year and l won't have it anyway. So l dunno , tbh l'm feeling a bit negative and stupid again now logically thinking allowing myself to get involved further in a situation like this. l dunno ,

Anyway , all the best . rx

[Mil]

Hi RX - or should I say Bonjour 🙂

I'm sorry to read you're feeling a bit negative again. I think having a back up plan would be good, however you still have time to think about it and discuss it with your lady too! Maybe you need take a break from all this. Are there any activities you enjoy or friends you can meet up with?

About the "allowing myself to get involved further in a situation like this", I don't know. It is definitively NOT stupid. To me it sounds like you're pretty smitten anyway, but you know, I don't have the complete picture either. So now you're stressing about the visa and the future, but maybe try to imagine if you were to break up now, would you be upset and stressing over wether you've missed an opportunity? I guess that'd be one way to decide if it's worth it. That's for you to decide and I know it sucks, but please remember this isn't all there is to life, too. I know there's no "switch off" button for worrying, but personally I find "losing" myself in another activity (sports/outdoors is good but it can also something like reading, video games, whatever you enjoy) really helps focus on something else for a bit.

Sending some positive thoughts your way,

Mil

[Guest_1584]

Haaaa, Bonjour mil and thanks for the thoughts.

But yeah god l dunno , can't even think of a back up plan tbh, not an affordable one and it's just too soon to be taking that kinda stuff on anyway butttt, we're trying to come up with something. Anyway yeah she's been up home a few mths now you see so we're getting an automatic break anyway, she had to go back for some stuff and appointments, Not that it's helping much . we were suppose have a real break a few weeks back on account of it all just so that l could think for a week or two but we didn't last long haha.

YEp we are , we have all the makings from here but it is early days and all this visa stuff now , god knows. Funny you use - losing yourself , because that's the exact term l use and stuff l need too, or to take me away, l like stuff that takes me away completely, so l do do all my tricks and fav's in sidetracking the mind and worry , even work is great for that too actually but l have plenty of other things going on too , too much actually l need a good damn rest tbh.

Anyway , thanks a lot for the positives mil , could sure use soma that about now so appreciated. hows your sitch going , no news , no news is good news right haha,

Ok , you take care eh.

rx

[Mil]

Hi RX,

Sorry it's been a couple days, been very busy with work lately, which is good for my finances but quite stressful as I find it hard to focus. (Confession time, I'm currently procrastinating hard right now so thought I might check on here...)

How are you doing, does it feel like you can relax a bit?

On my own situation, yeah, no news, which is the default anyway. No news is just... no news, not good, not bad, just I-don't-bloody-know-if-anyone-even-looked-at-it-yet. So really the best I can do is to keep the documents up to date and try to forget about it in the meantime. We have a solid application but I'm stressing because I submitted the form 2 hours too late, which means I was "unlawful" for 2hrs and I'm scared they'll just say no because of that. And even though it's a very long story why it was submitted late, some of it is definitely my own screwup so it's hard not slapping myself every day for this...

Anyway, back to work for now. I hope you're doing well and not worrying too much!

Mil

[Guest_1584]

Hi to one and all.

Hiya mil , thanks for checkin in and no worries l only get here when l get here too. But ahh , 2hours late , surely they couldn't be that damn petty , yaknow. wouldn't worry about that l mean that;d be taking the already ridiculous to new heights even for them. sounds like you got a great app, you'll be right try not to sweat it.

ps, a bit of procrastinating's gopd for the soul , l'm the master lately haha.

well nothing goin on here visa wise, ahh yeah , you know if your game l read in that other forum you can check if they've started it , opened it and what stage it;s at , on their site , well l'm pretty sure that's what they meant. mind you , don't reckon l'd be game myself haha.

Anyway yeah she came down last week , funny we've hardly even thought about bloody visa's either which is fine with me, think l'll go bury my head in the sand eh and to hell with it. tbh though, been more thinking about us , as in us and where am l in everything us. she's just brilliant and a real classic of a girl, lotta soul, and we're a pretty cool couple , and she fits my lifestyle to a T too, which ain't easy. But for some reason l just cAN;t drop my guard in everything or feelings, l dunno. Not good . She sorta just happened along at a bit of a bad time for me emotionally l'd not long split with my ex and tbh l needed a bit more time. well we've been together just over 12mths now so l guess that plus the 6mths before should be plenty but for some reason l just can't let go with it, l'm really just not sure why. Maybe it's even this visa thing , feelin like she can be snatched away from me , just not sure wth is going on woith me tbh.

so that's about where l'm at which is all over the place l suppose . Buttttt, anyway, so she'll be down 3wks this time but shedoesn't wanna go home again . So l'm really the spanner in the works holding up the show tbh.

l know apart from the visa , l've been spending some beautiful time with my daughter lately and she's been staying over again, but with gf back we're sorta on hold now and just from that angle l'm really kicking myself because l really want this time with my daughter right now to it's her place too of course and , well, ldk. Anyway .

ok hope your doin ok mil mil , and anyone else that's dropping in and out. And don't sweat it ok, l know much much easier said than done butttt, you know.

rx