Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

[Guest_1584]

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it.

You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right .

Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam..

Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too.

l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet.

Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.

[geoff]

Hi RX, thanks so much.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Well , bad news late last week.

Gf had an appointment with one of the immigration people and long story short , this lady thinks GF's visa will now be denied. She thinks gf will have an answer in 6 to 12 months. So this is 6 to 12 mths of limbo but according to her it'll probably be denied.

People , l just don't know what to do, The thing is , she's flying back down to mine next week.We thought the visa will probably be ok so we were just gonna go for it and on with our life,,,,,,us , see how we go, ,, and meantime hopefully she'd get a reply good news in a yr or so from immigration and if we're good all would be good,

But nowwwww, this news.

We were so looking forward to being together again and getting on with life, but now it sounds like that'll just get blown to bits later anyway. l dunno what to do. Keep going and live, enjoy, and hope for the best, or just stop everything right here and don't let it go any further,

The way things have been going with work and finances there's no way even if l wanted too l could afford the new visa anyway, no way. And she can't save enough.

So even if we're all good , remember we haven't had that much time in person yet for something like this but even if we were all good, and it is denied she'll be sent home. Then if we wanted to go on we'd have to start a whole new visa from offshore , that's the way it would work , but which is even more expensive and it could take a few years, and she couldn't come back from what l can tell , until it's approved. And, we'd still have to find the money somehow.

God all mighty , l just dunno what the .

She says look we take the chance, she'd rather be together and have 6 or 12mths of happiness together, if it came to that, than none.

Me , l keep thinking yeah but if it came to that then we lose each other later and get very very hurt.

Any thoughts or suggestions , advice , at this point would be really appreciated

rx

[Mil]

Hi RX,

Sorry to pop up in the conversation, but I can relate to your situation, although from "the other end" and with different circumstances.

I'm foreign and I came here to follow my partner of about 2 yrs at the time. I started on a working holiday visa to give us some time to see how it went, but then decided to apply for a partner visa as we could see a long-term future for us in Australia. The partner visa is bloody expensive and non-refundable as you have discovered (7k is no lie + translation, certifications, medical exams costs on top). BUT if your application (it's in 2 steps though, first 2 years is temporary, then you apply for a permanent one, but you don't have to pay again) is approved then it's final, so in the end if you stay long term it's less expensive than having to constantly reapply for visas.

It is absolutely a huge commitment, especially when you add the uncertainty, waiting and paperwork to the financial aspect. Honestly, it has been incredibly stressful, definitely has impacted my mental health and put some strain on our relationship (I'm still waiting for an answer, I've submitted 18 mths ago). So you're right to not take it lightly, and I wouldn't recommend it for a budding relationship as it really puts it under a lot of pressure.

BUT in my view that doesn't mean you should stop being with your lady if so far she has made you really happy. It's hard, but maybe right now the question shouldn't be "do I want to spend the rest of my life with her", but more "do I give us a chance first?" ("how is this relationship we have? does she improve my life, truly care for me? can I find concrete examples where she has been there for me?", etc). From this, it might be easier to decide if you want to stop the relationship here and now, or if you are willing to spend these 6-10 months letting your relationship blossom and find viable alternatives together in case the visa is denied.

If you feel like the heart is more important AND the relationship you have shows the signs of a strong, healthy one, I would think it's worth giving it some time to develop. But that's my own take - in my own life, love, care and affection rank high, but for others it might be career, a specific goal worth sacrificing things for, etc. That's just as valid and only for you to decide.

Personnally, our couple has survived this "test" so far, and I really love my life here. Even if it was to fall apart, I think it's been worth it.

Best of luck to you,

Mil

[Mil]

PS: you probably have been considering all this already, but just in case...

Regarding finding alternative possibilities for her to stay here, what's her current situation? Does she work? If she's been here 6 years, could she apply directly for permanent residency without having to go through a partner visa? What exactly happens if her visa is denied: can she apply for any other one? If so, within what time frame + from here or abroad?

If you haven't already it might be a good idea to ask all these questions to an immigration agent/lawyer. They are outrageously expensive, but if it can spare you 7k... The immigration department's website is a maze (I'm pretty sure it's on purpose at this point) where you follow endless loops of links and end up with confusing information. Their hotline isn't much better. We used the services of an agency specialised in partner visas so they won't be able to advise on alternatives I guess, but I'm happy to recommend them to you if it ever comes to that. They offer different levels of service, including more affordable alternatives than the usual ones.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya mil and hell no , thanks so much for dropping in l was hoping someone in the know and with this kind of experience might . NOT to disregard others that have also been fantastic here at all of course, appreciate anything, anyone, has to say right now.

Anyway l have to come back later to talk properly, just wanted to thank you though , and to wish you huys the best of luck too.

ps, l think you'll be fine, l can feel it. They do like to make you sweat first though , know all about it.

Big huggems.

[Guest_1584]

Hi again mil.

God tbh , l don't know where to start and l'm dyslexic so lf l end up rambling about , sprry in advance,

Um, look l really appreciate your thoughts and tips and experience, really can't thank you enough. And your thoughts especially on continuing on and the relationship itself. And l can well appreciate the toll it's been on you guys , l'm just in awe at my gf many times and with what she;s endured with all this and in earlier life also.

And yeah, l'm afraid l've done quite a bit of shyt testing along the way unintentionally really on one hand it's just come out that way from my worries with the circumstances and awareness of it.But again l'm in awe of her tbh, and also gobsmacked that we somehow bounce back over and over and she's never wavered, and it's def not about money or visas she knows l can't cover a new visa app. Add that we're long didstance t least 50% of the time, her stress in all this, the anxiety and health toll it's taking on her, l truly am just amazed tbh. Buttttt, still wary. We have this amazing thing though, where somehow everything just smooths out again and we grow, again and again, even when she's up home. l must admit l've never come across anything like it, not even in 20yrs of marriage before. Butttt, yeah, still wary , been through enough prior yaknow . Anyway your thoughts are pretty well what l've been thinking too with us and l'd def' like us to go on and see life in us no doubt about it butttt, yep , still wary.

Yeah , she's had a lawyer legal aid thing, they also sent her to and lE , the independent expert thing, counseling, shrinks, the lot. None of which have been much help so far unfortunately, they could get her through with a few good letters but they seem to need her half dead before they'll except family violence with the ex, the main issue and why they divorced and what's made them suspicious and halt her visa from what we know.

But yeah , even with our time so far , with the circumstances, l'd much rather not even get involved in any visa thing right now l mean on one hand we've been what we are so far and couldn't ask for more tbh but on the other, you know, these things still need time and l'm far more wanting to see where we go than worry about the rest at the mo , yaknow. We could get l8mths even 24 yet, no one can say, the other day the lawyer just took a guess basically saying they'd expect to hear in 6 to 12mths, butttt, could be a lot longer.

[Guest_1584]

ps , yeah l would love her to just put it all with one of the immigration specialists too because like ya say they're ridiculously expensive but yeah a lot cheaper than more visa's. Unfortunately she can't afford one now though, she's only working part time at home . Great news though just tonight actually l found a free crowd that specialize in situations like hers and many others and they're Sydney based which is where she is when she's not here . So l can't wait now to see if they can do anything.

All the best. rx

[geoff]

Hi RX, I just wanted to pop in and say that I'm thinking of you and only wish I had any experience in this situation.

What I can say is enjoy the time you both have together now, because if you worry about the future then this time won't mean anything.

We're always behind you RX.

Best wishes,

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a heap for that Geoff , really bloody nice of you mate , cheers.

And actually , you pretty well hot the nail on the head. l feel as if l have to think 2yrs ahead when l should be enjoying this time. But l'm forever not at ease because of all this , l really just don't wanna get involved for some year or two year thing if worst come to worse. but ut's like l'm forced to put the cart before the horse which is just all so "not" how it's meant to be,

But l can't shake it.

rx

[Mil]

Hey RX,

Thanks for your answer, I'm so glad if I can provide at least some mental support! Don't worry about rambling, I do that too... Also, thank you so much for your words of encouragement for my own visa process.

It really is a tough situation for both of you, but it sounds like the relationship is pretty good. It's definitely a bit of a trial by fire, and I can totally understand being wary. It's important to protect ourselves and a very instinctive reaction if you've been burnt before. If it looks like you've got something good though, it seems worth to work through it. Long distance is not easy too... Although it can also help put things in perspective I guess?

I'm glad you've found a crowd that can provide free advice!! Seriously, the whole visa thing is so complex by itself already, if you have a particular situation on top, it's really hard to navigate by yourself. I hope your lady will be able to get some relief through them.

I agree with Geoff, try to enjoy your time together as best you can despite the worrying. Lot easier said than done, but it seems that you are able to relax when you are with her, so maybe try to remember that when you feel unrest? I get anxious about my relationship a lot, so when I do I try to revisit good memories, remembering how I can also feel at ease about it. Then at least the worrying doesn't take all the room. Might work for you?

When I write it seems like I am so great at this - I wish I was that good in reality haha. But I try, and this has made me grow a lot already instead of repeating bad patterns. It's just hard to get the fear to shut up for a bit sometimes. And for sure we can never tell what will happen, but that goes both ways - could be that the future holds something good, too. So maybe we should reap the good stuff to help us when we get hurt instead of worrying about potential hurt when good things are happening in the present. (Yep I am shamelessly paraphrasing Jim Hopper from Stranger Things, have you seen the series?)

There ya go, that was my own big ramble! All the best,

Mil