Confused

[Tedred]

Hi,

I have known my wife for 15 years, married for 8, two kids both under 6.

I have always thought our relationship was normal, but we had a talk last month, where she pointed out flaws in our marriage.

I acknowledged the flaws and majority of them were my fault, however we both agreed that we were to try to work it out.

Ever since that day, she has distanced herself from me, there now is a massive disconnect.

I have tried to talk to her about it, and she has told me that she loves me, but she doesnt know if she is in love with me anymore, and doesnt know if she even wants to work it out anymore, but she is not ready to give up yet.

She also tells me to stop pressuring her about the situation.i.e ask her how she is feeling about us, etc.

It feels the trying is only one sided, and I am not sure what to do.

[ci]

Hi Tedred 

Not sure if it helps but thought maybe a women's way of thinking might help.

We are so hard to read. 

I don't know anything other than what you have written but from that I wonder if your wife has felt this way for a while she probably has been trying to tell you in round about ways and hoped that you would pick up on it?

I think a lot of relationships go through this especially with young kids us mums get burnt out. We still need to have romance and feel appreciated not sure if this is the issue for her it was for me. And my hubby had no idea

Do you have family to take kids and enjoy some time together. 

Maybe couple counseling 

Doing house work or bathing the kids also goes along way.

Like I said don't know anything other than what you have written so sorry if you already do these things. You reminded me of my hubby he  thought everything was great and I was having a melt down.

Hope things work out well for you its possible things got better for us. Relationships grow stronger from times like these

[Tedred]

Thanks for your reply..

What you went through is very similar to my situation. 

You are right, she has been trying to tell me for a while..I never picked up on it.

I have been pulling my weight around the house, but it is getting nowhere.

I did suggest counselling, but she feels that it wont change anything, what is the point if she doesnt love me anymore?

 I think she is done.

I am not ready to give up yet, but not sure what I should do.

Do I convince her to try a bit harder, and somehow work things out? Or do I accept the fact that our marriage is over.

[ci]

Hi again keep trying 

Without pushing her or pressuring her  is  my advice. Try and do things you did before kids have fun together surprise her. Ask her what she needs if that helps

I was told   In relationships sometimes people go in and out of love the trick to lasting  is to fall in love all over again. I've been with my husband for almost 19 years and I totally believe that hopefully it's true and we can always make it work.

Be prepared to be the one trying and don't expect anything in return sounds harsh but you won't regret it if your marriage repairs because of your efforts you have what you want and that's worth the effort, if it still fails you can move forward knowing you tried everything you could.

Good luck hope things work!