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Says he loves me but not in love with me

Community Member
Hi my husband and I have been together for 10yrs married for 8. We have had our ups and downs but he told me that he cares and loves me but isn't in love with me anymore and is planning on moving and is now sleeping in another room. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I don't know which way is up. I love him very much but I don't understand. He said he doesn't want to try and work it out anymore and can't see that we can work things out. I don't know what to do and I am shattered and feel so lost and alone. He has some man issues and is seeing a doctor but he doesn't think it will change anything with us. It feels like I can't win.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi Broken-Hearted.  Oh dear, I really feel for you.  You've only been together 10 years.  He sounds like he might have depression.  When you have this debilitating condition, you question how or why anyone could love you.  You don't love you, nobody else possibly could.  I think he could need referral to a counsellor if he is suffering depression.  Perhaps you could make an appointment with G.P to discuss possible treatment for hubby.  Maybe drop G.P a letter letting him know what's happening.  The G.P will only have your hubby's side of things, until he knows better, he can't really help.  With depression, once it takes hold, it's a real 'black dog' of being in a deep dark hole where you can't see your way out.  Do you know what has happened to him to make him feel this way.  Does he have work issues he's not discussing with you?  He needs to know he's not alone, aloneness, once 'black dog' creeps in is, as I said, as 'black hole' from where there seems to be no escape.  Is he on medication, if he has only just started, it could take some time for it to start working.  Once the meds 'kick in', he should start to feel better about himself.  Try and get along to G.P and discuss with him what's happening from your side of situation.  The G.P can't really tell you anything your hubby says because of Dr/patient confidentiality, but G.P can be more assistance once he knows the whole picture.

Best of luck.  Remember BB is here too.

Hi pipsy, thank you for your suggestions. We have the same go who has been trying to get him to realise what's happening and I ended up balling my eyes out to our GP. Hubby is suffering from depression he has a very low testosterone and had his first shot today. He seems to be lacking emotion and I put myself out there and it felt like he was humouring me. I pointed out that I was there for him and if he need anything I was happy to help but it just felt like I could do nothing right. I love him for him and I am trying not to give up hope, it's really hard. I pointed out there was more pro's than con's in our relationship. I understand what you are saying about the black dog I was here a few years ago. I also feel so guilty because I wonder if this is the feelings I caused him and I'm at a loss. I'm not sure of the right words to say and I am really scared of saying the wrong thing. It feels like I can't win.