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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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es030609 Issues with the in-laws
  • replies: 7

I want to keep this short but I don't think I can without missing important details. I know most people have issues with in-laws so hoping someone can help. My husband hasn't spoken with his parents in 2 years. This year we need to mend & resolve the... View more

I want to keep this short but I don't think I can without missing important details. I know most people have issues with in-laws so hoping someone can help. My husband hasn't spoken with his parents in 2 years. This year we need to mend & resolve the issues and begin rebuilding some form of relationship for our children. Background in a nutshell: We have been together over 13 yrs, married for 6 yrs and have 3 daughters. We were young parents at 18 & 21. His mother has never liked me; she is rude & condescending and has even had his ex's over for coffee in recent years. She has always told me that I'm a bad wife, housekeeper and mother. This was magnified when our daughter was diagnosed with ASD, ODD & ADHD 4 years ago. I firmly believe she was the sole reason I was dx with depression late 2011. She was telling my husband I was bad at every opportunity and we even attended marriage counselling early 2013 because of her. I've never done anything except support, love and care for my husband and kids. I always had a fear that if I told my husband how she treated me when he wasn't around, that he would choose them over me. She did make a point of always saying 'he'll always be my baby boy' etc. I finally told him how she'd been treating me late 2013. He snapped! Words were exchanged and they destroyed their family, not me. His father turns a blind eye and won't discuss the past to assist in moving forward. In Sept last year his mother came to our home while I was at work to fill my husbands head with more crap and to tell him she's been diagnosed with a form of cancer. I had a panic attack at work and headed home quickly (I had never had one before so was shocked when I discovered what it was). She was ordered to leave our premises after telling my husband that I was 'poison'. With the news that she has cancer, I have made a decision that I have to put aside my fears and emotions and deal with this. If it's not dealt with asap, and her cancer gets the better of her, I potentially could lose my husband and our girls could lose their father; Emotionally, mentally and physically!I'm scared that they'll manipulate our children and our lives again. I have already told our girls that they can make the decision to see their grandparents on their own - I won't force them. And it won't be an overnight process. My husband has some healing to do. He wants his mum to apologise to me. We know that will never happen.

Bart10 Anxiety about my wife
  • replies: 5

My wife cheated on me years ago and I tried to forgive her and give her a second chance but I never really learnt to let go and didn't end up giving her a proper second chance. Recently we split up mainly because I had never learnt to let go. As soon... View more

My wife cheated on me years ago and I tried to forgive her and give her a second chance but I never really learnt to let go and didn't end up giving her a proper second chance. Recently we split up mainly because I had never learnt to let go. As soon as we split she went back to the guy she cheated on me with but someone sent me The messages she wrote to him. I wasn't so upset that she was flirting with him as we had split up but she said she loved him the whole time she was with me And basically disrespected our whole relationship. After reading the messages I wasn't angry with him or upset with her but frustrated at myself for not letting go the first time and giving her a proper chance to move on and I decided I want to be with her and actually give her a chance this time she says she wants to make it work too is am going to a councillor soon but at the moment I struggle every time I'm not near her my whole world is broken and every time she leaves the house I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack

MisterM My sister reported me to the police
  • replies: 28

I can't forgive her, I can't forget it, I feel so angry about it. She thought I was going to hit her was her motivation for going to a police station to report me, I've not once in my life done so and never threatened to. It was all because I was at ... View more

I can't forgive her, I can't forget it, I feel so angry about it. She thought I was going to hit her was her motivation for going to a police station to report me, I've not once in my life done so and never threatened to. It was all because I was at her house to support my brother in law who was in a bad place mentally after the two of them had some marital problems. She wasn't home at the time. This happened a number of months ago, I am angry at her for doing such a thing and cannot wipe it from my memory. Me and my sister have been estranged for a number of years and have not spoken.

cazz79 Don't want to be alone anymore
  • replies: 2

I have 3 amazing kids so I'm never truly alone, it's not that type of loneliness. It's feeling like I have no one by my side to help me when my days are long and dreary. My x husband made me feel like I was disgusting he never showed any affection to... View more

I have 3 amazing kids so I'm never truly alone, it's not that type of loneliness. It's feeling like I have no one by my side to help me when my days are long and dreary. My x husband made me feel like I was disgusting he never showed any affection towards me except in the privacy of our bedroom. Since the divorce I had gotten myself together again and was happy, for the first time in over 8 years. I then met another guy, he had no kids, so when he moved in it must have been full on for him to step up and be the dad. And then I found out I was pregnant and from there it went down hill. I started to realise I would now have 3 kids and my partners attitude to my other 2 kids started to get mentally abbusive I let it go on too long and finally told him to leave. But I'm scared, I'm a single mum and suffer from major depression and who would want someone like me. I can't even stand me. I've put so much weight on, I am tired constantly I hardly sleep through the nights and my kids and my house are suffering. Just wish there was a miracle cure cos I want to be happy again and to be the person I know is hidden in me somewhere

PurplePolkaDots Turbulent Marriage - not sure what to do to make it better?
  • replies: 3

My hubby & I have been together 9yrs, married 5yrs; we have a beautiful dd (2 3/4yrs old) and I'm 30ish weeks pregnant with our 2nd dd. I have a history of depression, anxiety, low self esteem, etc - not a great childhood, mental/emotional abuse & ph... View more

My hubby & I have been together 9yrs, married 5yrs; we have a beautiful dd (2 3/4yrs old) and I'm 30ish weeks pregnant with our 2nd dd. I have a history of depression, anxiety, low self esteem, etc - not a great childhood, mental/emotional abuse & physical abuse from an alcoholic father.Some of the Issues we currently have:- I am a work at home mum; our dd is with me all the time so I have to do most of my business work when hubby gets home. Hubby looks after dd well sort of, of course she comes to see me thats ok but i expect hubby to come and get her and entice her to stay with him however it doesnt happen and i end up with a toddler trying to get my attention and i have to stop my work - I get annoyed at him that he hasn't come to get her. His solution is that i have to shut the door - this makes me feel uneasy and locked away, which makes my creative work hard to do.- I feel like hubby wont discuss plans to get everything we need done with me. He'll just spring on me he's going to mow the lawn, I not against him mowing the lawn - i get upset that he hasn't discussed it, hasn't taken in consideration what else needs to get done (especially my business) and that its on his timeline and I have to drop whatever i am doing/need to do to look after our dd. To me this feels like everything is how he wants it, and what i want/need doesn't matter- this one is a big one. Minimal Sex - we will go months without it. I want a healthy sex life, but I do think we have a discrepancy in our libidos - I'd be more than happy with once a fortnight/month, he on the otherhand it feels like even twice a week wouldn't be enough (but this part i think we could work out). I'm struggling to have interest (breastfeeding dd for 2.5yrs & being pregnant doesn't help), but my concerns are I dont feel like he is interested in me except sexually - if i talk about anything, as quick as he can he will change the subject wont participate in the conversation with me, doesnt make any effort to spend time with me, its always his friends, our dd, his rest time, etc.. . So sex feels like its me giving more, when i dont receive much - plus the way he acts with it, kinda like its his right as my husband the actual act feels like its more about him than us.. and I hate the way I feel about it/him..there are other issues here, we have seen councilors but nothing gets better, it doesnt get really bad well not yet - but I feel really alone in my marriage

Amanda 1956 So called friend betrayed a trust
  • replies: 5

Need some advice....a "friend" has betrayed my trust by trying to break my partner and me up.She has bad mouthed me to him saying I was using him for sex and that I was killing him. She ruined a holiday by wanting all his attention and pushing me int... View more

Need some advice....a "friend" has betrayed my trust by trying to break my partner and me up.She has bad mouthed me to him saying I was using him for sex and that I was killing him. She ruined a holiday by wanting all his attention and pushing me into the background. She desperately wants me to leave him so she can have him. My partner said I am imaging things and that she only wants to be friends. But her constant ringing him late at night for over 3hours at a time ,her lies about me which I'm glad to say he doesn't believe speak volumes Any advice please thanks

Gseek Separating with an expected Narcissistic partner
  • replies: 9

Hi, i have just gone through a separation with my partner (of 2 years) and i have now started to realise that there was a lot of Narcissistic behaviour. Throughout the relationship she would constantly turn any negative or criticisms back onto myself... View more

Hi, i have just gone through a separation with my partner (of 2 years) and i have now started to realise that there was a lot of Narcissistic behaviour. Throughout the relationship she would constantly turn any negative or criticisms back onto myself and needed to be continually provided with many material things such as clothes new cars etc. Looking back she would not acknowledge my feelings and continually left me feeling like i had done everything wrong. I was constantly apologising for things i had not done. During the relationship she was very protective and insistent that i didn't tell anyone i had purchased her a new car and she told many people she purchased the new car and also still told a lot of people she was a single mother where she thought that would provide her with a financial advantage. During the breakup and still to this day she has been telling a lot of lies and lying to myself about things her son and parents have said etc to try to gain more financial advantage through guilt.I have been blaming myself for all the things that went wrong and was trying to do anything i could to get back together. The problem i now have is that we have a significant difference in what she is entitled too post the relationship. (we were not living together long enough to be defacto and to be able to go through court). Not that i would want the emotional stress. My question is how do i approach her about her potential Narcissistic Personality disorder and if i should approach her about this? I would appreciate hearing from anyone in a similar experience and if anyone see's anything other than NPD My reason for this is because she has hurt a large amount of her family who do not understand her beliefs of entitlement (Which is know is fed by the Narcissism) and also caused a lot of hurt and distress for myself. I am on my way back from the lowest points now however i can see this continuing as she still tries to contact myself to "supply" her Narcissistic needs. I have read just about every online resource about her behaviour and NPD describes her behaviour exactly.

KDAWGS When to tell the kids we are splitting for good.
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for 19yrs. A very rocky relationship and I feel it has been maintained by 1 side (me).. My husband has depression and a lot going on with his parents (mum going into care for Alzheimers and dad diagnosed with mesoth... View more

My husband and I have been married for 19yrs. A very rocky relationship and I feel it has been maintained by 1 side (me).. My husband has depression and a lot going on with his parents (mum going into care for Alzheimers and dad diagnosed with mesothelioma) I have been there every step of the way supporting him through his depression, trying to keep things happy at home and really trying in our relationship. We have NO sex life and I have recently found out he has been confiding in a woman he met through his work as a handyman. Essentially this is the 4th time he has found another woman to turn to during these times rather than his partner. He told me "I find it difficult to talk to you" which I don't get at all. So, needless to say things have been very tense in our house of late he is moving out and has asked for me to give him till mid march (after he goes away for a week to play golf) and then he'll move out. I told him last night he can have till end of Feb.... I also asked when we will tell the kids (15 & 16y.o), he said when he finds a place..... this is not good enough for me. I want to tell them while they are still off school so they can have time to process what's happening and not have to worry about school impacting on them. My son is not happy going back to school and is a very sensitive kid and I am very worried how this will all affect him. I am sure they both know what's going on and I am hoping that when they know the tension will be gone it will be a happy home again. We separated 7 yrs ago for 7 months and we were happy then. Hubby came home cause he wanted to, not cause I asked him to either..... I just want to know what you think..... do "we" tell them or do "I" tell them if he doesn't want to yet???? TIA

Harlo Adult child of Alcholic Agoraphobic Mother
  • replies: 4

Hi All, It's my first post here. Please call me Harlo =] At twelve years of age I remember looking up through my bedroom window and saw my mother, who was on her way home from work, frozen in the street. Both hands, white knuckled holding onto the ne... View more

Hi All, It's my first post here. Please call me Harlo =] At twelve years of age I remember looking up through my bedroom window and saw my mother, who was on her way home from work, frozen in the street. Both hands, white knuckled holding onto the neighbours white picket fence. I ran across the street and helped her cross the road. I made her lunch - but she wouldn't eat. That day changed my life. My mother never went back to work and she has never been able to make it past the letterbox alone again. She went untreated for many years. Her medicine was alcohol. My parents went bankrupt, we moved many times, I started working at 13 years old to help my dad with the rent. I always struggled with the fact that if I needed my mothers help, her mental illness stopped her from coming to rescue me. Somedays I felt like I didn't have a mother, other days I was angry that I had to look after her. I'm 28 now and I feel guilty some days for feeling cheated out of my teenage years. I have anxiety myself that use to only be based around a phobia. But now when my fear triggers it spirals because I have the fear of fear. I panic because I'm panicking. My biggest fear is that one day I also won't make it past the letterbox and I will fail myself and everyone around me. Are there any support groups for children (or adult children) of parents with anxiety? Thank you for listening and letting me share. - Harlo

Ellie2015 New user
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new clearly..... I have always dealt with depression. Mum thinks I'm insane slot of the time due to the nature of my deepest wishes.... Anyway, dad died, 4 year partner left me with no home or car or bed. Had two lessors lock me out and ... View more

Hi all, I am new clearly..... I have always dealt with depression. Mum thinks I'm insane slot of the time due to the nature of my deepest wishes.... Anyway, dad died, 4 year partner left me with no home or car or bed. Had two lessors lock me out and refuse bond refund at no fault of mine. Feel like dads death is tipping me over the edge. I'm tied to a tree though, can't fall, got little brother to look after. wouldnt mind some tips and support to keep going