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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ebbie Love each other, but he needs space.
  • replies: 2

I have been seeing the same guy for four years now. I went away on holiday with my family (without him) and he asked for space. I gave it to him, and then he wanted to see me. Things were getting better but then he had friends over and didn't invite ... View more

I have been seeing the same guy for four years now. I went away on holiday with my family (without him) and he asked for space. I gave it to him, and then he wanted to see me. Things were getting better but then he had friends over and didn't invite me. It really hurt. We argued about this as it was really embarrassing for me (I have to work with the people invited, that's how I found out). This argument turned into the question as to why he needed space, does he want to be with me, and then finally why don't you just break up with me? He insist that he loves me, he kept saying it over and over, but when I asked how can you love me and not want to be around me, he responded with "I don't think you should be near me, I'm scared I will disappoint and hurt you." We have agreed that space is needed, that we wont see or talk to each other for a bit. I followed up with, "does that mean you want to see other people?" He said "No. He only wants to have me." I followed this by asking if he has ever been with anyone else in our relationship, he also said no to that and I do believe him. I have tried talking to him as to why he needs space. Tried to find out exactly why and what is going on... but he has always had trouble with talking. I honestly do not know what to do? I want to be with him, but I feel so alone, I feel like no one wants me. How can someone love you (I know he does), but not want to be near you at this time? I want to stay with him, I really do, but it's hurting so much.

Cheetah Heartbroken and anxious
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first post on here, just wanted to reach out as I'm not coping very well with the recent end of a long term relationship. It's been 7 weeks since it ended and I'm finding myself suffering anxiety which has effected my sleep as well. St... View more

Hi, This is my first post on here, just wanted to reach out as I'm not coping very well with the recent end of a long term relationship. It's been 7 weeks since it ended and I'm finding myself suffering anxiety which has effected my sleep as well. Still feeling the pain of the loss and it was done over the phone, as he lives in another country it's likely our paths will ever cross again. He ended it 3 days before I was meant to join him overseas, I had already spent two months there and he bought us a beautiful home to start our life together. I had some things there already which he has promptly returned. Trying to deal with the loss of dreams which included starting a family and trying to get over the feeling of being kicked out of our home. Lonely and anxious. Help.

neroben1991 Infidelity, uncertainty
  • replies: 1

I've been together with my girlfriend for roughly 6-7 years, recently I discovered that she's been seeing someone else since April this year. What startles me is when I confront her (even though I have evidence) still acts if everything is fine, clai... View more

I've been together with my girlfriend for roughly 6-7 years, recently I discovered that she's been seeing someone else since April this year. What startles me is when I confront her (even though I have evidence) still acts if everything is fine, claims she's in the right and claims she's not doing stuff behind my back. I haven't spent time with her in over a year, I miss her and really love her. Everytime we try to spend time together something always comes up on the day we try to, the constant excuses on her end is frustrating and making me lonelier day by day. She has been away for a week and going home tomorrow and I want to confront her about how I feel and get her to tell the truth, fix things and start seeing each other more. But I know she'll continue to deny the infidelity side of things, I wish she would just come clean. She's blocked me on facebook, Steam and the only way her and I talk is either via text or calling each others phones. I've been anxious, stressed and depressed about this for a long time and it's taking a toll on my studies for uni. I feel lonelier everyday, I can no longer sit at home because my mind is constantly thinking about the issue and I no longer enjoy things, except running an event I host once a month. I go for a walk but it only provides temporary relief, I try to catch with friends but majority of the time they're busy and don't want to. I have organised to see a counsellor at my uni in the coming weeks, but I'm able to cope and no longer can deal with this weight on my shoulders.

Metzil81 Marriage over
  • replies: 1

marriage Is over,for financial reasons I stay fir now because we have kids. anyone going through a ended marriage and being separate.

marriage Is over,for financial reasons I stay fir now because we have kids. anyone going through a ended marriage and being separate.

Tiyani How do you get over a relationship with someone with Narcissist Personality Disorder?
  • replies: 3

Just over 2 years ago I met this man who seemed to good to be true, he was charming, romantic and seemed sincere. Our relationship was a rollercoaster ride, he would be amazing then simply stop contacting me for sometimes weeks, then he would return ... View more

Just over 2 years ago I met this man who seemed to good to be true, he was charming, romantic and seemed sincere. Our relationship was a rollercoaster ride, he would be amazing then simply stop contacting me for sometimes weeks, then he would return and be charming again. The whole relationship was affecting me as I never knew where I stood or what it was but I guess I was desperate for the amazing man I met to come back and he did often, but not for long. I never really felt a part of his life, I always thought he had another life of which I was never included. Love is blind and I was it, a couple of times I saw things like text messages from woman, or emails from other women proclaiming love for this man. He always had a great convincing excuse and told me I was being over sensitive. His life was always about him and what was best for him, simple things like he made all the decisions never once asking what I would like, even silly things like what pizza to order or what movie to watch, these decisions were always made by him with no thought to what I may like. Many times over this time I ended the relationship because I felt that it just was to hard, he would always come back proclaiming his undying love for me and stupidly I would take him back. He was always a victim, everyone was jealous of him (according to him) they all wanted his car, his travels his life and due to this jealousy everyone was trying to make is life hard. I never could understand that mentality but at times I felt sorry for him and made all the right noises. This man was totally unable to display any sadness or regret for any of his actions towards me and always made me feel that if I hadn't done such and such then it wouldn't be like this. I read about NPD and thought wow, this is describing my man perfectly. I have since ended the relationship again as I realize its toxic and will never be what I dreamt it would be but I cant help but feel terribly sad and like a complete failure. I was married for 14 years to a man who physically abused me yet I stayed. I'm feeling like I'm flawed, like I'm worthless of someone that will love me for the person I am. How do you get over this feeling? How do you know you are strong enough to stay away from a man that you know in your heart is bad for your wellbeing? How do you get the strength to get up and face the day with a smile on your face and confidence? Right now I have no clue

Jocky_the_swagman Looking For Tips
  • replies: 5

OK so where to start, at the beginning I guess. Arrived here from overseas 5 years ago. Due to my age, thn 49, I knew before I left that I would struggle to get a decent job. I had a good well paid job before I left. I will leave the reasons that I f... View more

OK so where to start, at the beginning I guess. Arrived here from overseas 5 years ago. Due to my age, thn 49, I knew before I left that I would struggle to get a decent job. I had a good well paid job before I left. I will leave the reasons that I felt I had to leave for later. It was not by choice. When we arrived it was as I suspected. I could not find any work in my trade or at my old level so I ended up taking a casual job as a labourer. I had never been unemployed and I was not about to start. Over the next 18 months I spent approx. 4 hrs a day driving to and from work in the country from the city. My wife being 10 years younger had landed a good job doing what she had previously done in the UK and this was best for her and my daughter who was still at school. During this time she saw it fit to send a txt to what she claims was a random mechanic that was servicing one of our cars saying that she had been made full time. I found out later that night and this was done when she knew I was killing myself getting to and from work to keep us together. She still fails to see how significant this was. The most important thing to happen to us since arrival. I was an afterthought. At 18 months I got a break. Landed a senior role with the same company I’d started in. This unfortunately means that now I pack up and leave on a Monday morning and go home on a Friday night. So I’ve been living out of a bag for just over 3 and ½ years now. When I get home my routine is pretty much to get ready for the following week. Now here is the crux of the matter. Because I am not here during the week I have no social circle. None. People I tend to talk with are in shops etc., you get the idea. Same when I am up north. I am not there at weekends and I have never been one to go to the pub myself, especially during the week. I feel isolated and angry at having to live like this for somebody else’s dream. Most of my week involves work or quite latterly being on my own. I should be looking at semi-retirement as that’s what I had worked towards before we landed here. Now due to exchange rates and taxes etc I’ll be working into my 70’s. I also completely mistrust my wife. Not sure if it’s because of where my head is at the moment but I have no faith in her whatsoever. I do not like what I have become. I am alienating my daughter because I have real problems controlling my moods at home. I am not into meds so I need to find some strategies to get a grip on this as it’s driving me mad.

kanga_brumby Bad friend
  • replies: 1

A couple of months back a friend of mine told me that his son liked my 16 year old daughter. So we organized a date, they had a nice time. My daughter told me after that she was only interested in the friends son as a friend. So I contacted the frien... View more

A couple of months back a friend of mine told me that his son liked my 16 year old daughter. So we organized a date, they had a nice time. My daughter told me after that she was only interested in the friends son as a friend. So I contacted the friend and told him the truth. Well the following tie rad was very abusive of my daughter. Plus he didn't even want to be my friend any more. He even told me he was moving out of the neighborhood we all live in. Not to contact him any more. Which was fine with me because I don't want my daughter around an abuser........ Mean time my children and I have all sean him several times around. Then he contacted me all contrite. Oh I'm so sorry I should not have said be my friend again......... Long story short NO NOT IN THIS LIFE TIME. No one says what was said like that about my daughter and will stay my friend or welcome in my home

Misunderstood When will this stop
  • replies: 2

I have been suffering from depression for many years and most of those years I have been in denial, when something bad happens I go on medication then I feel better and then I get off the medication and around the roller coaster I go. I have been a s... View more

I have been suffering from depression for many years and most of those years I have been in denial, when something bad happens I go on medication then I feel better and then I get off the medication and around the roller coaster I go. I have been a self harmer but have learnt not to do this after a very bad stint in December 2014. In the last 9 months I have gone through a massive emotional roller coaster. My partner left me in November 2014 and treated me like I was nothing to him, his family were making up stories and causing even more distress. I was a mess, one month later I let him back against my better judgement but I loved him and I told him what we needed to do to change. Nothing changed it actually seemed more and more that I was being used and I let him know this. April 30th 2015 I suddenly lost my dad, my partner was there for me (so I thought) he was hurting too. But 4 months later I am back with my partner walking out on me again and dumping me by text on the 16th Sept while I am at work. I get home and all his stuff is gone again. Has blocked me from everything and has not even given me any idea of what has happened. I am hurt I have questions, I found out that he has been talking to my best friend and my Uncle but no one is telling me anything. He took stuff that was my dad's just because be believed they were his to claim. His mum has slammed the door in my face twice when I went to talk to him and to get my dad's stuff. I did everything for this guy, after all the lies and health issues and pain he has caused me I still supported him. I don't understand how someone who says they love you and then walk away, if my depression is so bad why didn't he seek help with me, half the time I didn't even realise I was as bad as I apparently was. I am so heart broken and just want him to face me and to really think about what he does to me. Sending texts to my mum, friend and Uncle to look after me is such a coward way. Why do I get treated this way when I have asked for the support and help.

AdamB My wife is about to become a courtesan, Has a Dom as well. WTF?<object type="cosymantecnisbfw" cotype="cs" id="SILOBFWOBJECTID" style="width: 0px; height: 0px; display: block;"></object>
  • replies: 1

Been reading a few stories here. Seems that though my story is somewhat unique, my pain is not. We moved recently from Newcastle to Sydney. Years of difficult and patchy employ with two little boys on one income took it's toll. Basically there has be... View more

Been reading a few stories here. Seems that though my story is somewhat unique, my pain is not. We moved recently from Newcastle to Sydney. Years of difficult and patchy employ with two little boys on one income took it's toll. Basically there has been an agreed openness to our marriage but never before the opportunity to act on it. Now, it seems to be open slather and I really wasn't ready! I'm not going to play any kind of victim. though she is driving this, I have been supportive to a great degree. I've faced the challenges head on and have done my best to put coping strategies in place. But they are away over the weekend and after dropping them off I went to Paddo markets and found myself struggling not to cry. I feel really broken inside. Is it PTSD? Will it pass?There's a massive sexual disconnect and this leads to a loss of the fundamental connection. This gentlemen I think is the thing that really gets us. We put tremendous effort into connecting with and then protecting and nurturing our relationships. I was raised a feminist and have been the one who gave my girls whatever they wanted, to the best of my ability. I see now that this has been a total mistake. A man cannot be a feminist and partner with a lot of women as they actually crave a man that is stronger and is really driving the boat. I was so busy keeping ours afloat I could not see this until recently. It was only when I heard her glee at being controlled and dominated I really got it. I don't think she wants to leave but I can see that if I don't find my strength and leadership I will lose what little remains. I think we must lead. Own our pain. Be great dads for our children. Be honest with ourselves about our own behaviour Own our stuff, you know? And support each other.Adam

Eggy222 Advice
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 2 years however over the past 6 months we have been constantly fighting about everyday things. Our relationship has been so tumultuous because of this and for a few months I had been feeling like I wasn't sure if I wan... View more

I have been with my partner for 2 years however over the past 6 months we have been constantly fighting about everyday things. Our relationship has been so tumultuous because of this and for a few months I had been feeling like I wasn't sure if I wanted to break up with him however whenever I mentioned this he would tell me if I did I would be alone and have no friends or support because he was the only one in my life that was there for me and that I would be a lonely little girl that would cry myself to sleep every night, so I would go back to how it was. My mum has also recently moved overseas for work, she was my best friend in the whole world, and so I was feeling so alone especially when my partner and I would fight. The last weekend I went to the party with all my high school friends who I haven't seen for many years- partly because of my relationship. It was great because it felt like the old fun times I remember from high school. At the end of the night I was extremely drunk (only saying this for contextual purposes not as an excuse) I kissed one the guys at the party I had known in high school. As soon as I did it I felt terrible and knew it was so wrong. I left straight away. I told my boyfriend the next day and expectedly he was so angry like never before. He said he hated me and that he was moving out and we were over. He stayed with his friend the next night. We talked but he called me every name under the son, which I know I deserve. Since I did what I did it has been like a light switch has flicked inside me. The pain I have seen from it and that I am also feeling is something I never want to cause again. I will never do it again and I have realised that my boyfriend is my person and that one stupid mistake hurt him so much, I have realised the extent of how much I love him, it is so clear now after so many months of confusion. He has agreed to give me another chance however he seems so distant and Im scared he will never trust me again. He won't kiss me. I am so anxious and depressed, especially as I have a history of diagnosed anxiety. I love him so much and know what I have done is so so wrong but I want to show him that it is not me. How can I continue and show him this? I understand it will take time for him to heal and forgive if he can but how do I proceed from here? How can I help him get through it?