Broken and not good enough

[Kjays]

Hi,

i am new here to B.B just wanted somewhere to vent and somebody to tell me I am not going mad. I have been in a relationship for the past year which was great I was head over heels, could not believe my luck. Everything I wanted and more. But lately things have been popping up with his ex trying to get in contact her name pops up on everything and she won't quit and he rang another ex for advice about us and his job and I found a message about plans for coffee. Was he planning something is what I cannot get past. He said he just wanted advice and she is good for advice as we were in a rough patch due to a promotion at work which was interfering in our relationship. The problem is that he never tells me he makes me play detective and then admits he never would of told me. How can I trust this person? I mean I know it may seem small to some but I am the most loyal honest person and just want that in return. I have been awfully treated in past which I know may contribute but I can't shake the feeling of not feeling good enough. Not good enough to be honest to. If he lies about these small things I think imagine the big things he is keeping from me and then I can't help but put up this Brick wall and get all insecure. I mean has anything else happened? Did it go further? He admitted he wouldn't tell me. I just get this feeling something isn't right. I have become so jealous and insecure and feel as though I am not worth anything because he can't talk to me he just wants to talk to other ex girlfriends. How can I not compare and feel useless? Am I losing it am I being ridiculous? Just feel broken and alone I would love honesty from him and I wouldn't be so down and question every word he says

thanks 

[Scotchfinger]

"he rang another ex for advice about us"

That is strange to my way of thinking and you are right to feel confused , unsettled and angry.

I don't like the sound of it to be honest. You deserve some straight answers from him at least.

[pipsy]

Hi Kjay.  How many ex's does he have?  I think you better try and sit down with him and ask him what's going on.  It's not much of a relationship if he's talking to everyone but you about what's going on at work.  The longer it continues, the more insecure you're going to get.  Has he tried talking to you in the past and you have 'lost it'?  If you are the type that goes off the deep end, he is going to be a bit cautious about talking to you.  All the same, he owes you total honesty.  If he can't be honest, either he doesn't think enough of you, or he doesn't trust that you're not going to 'fly off the handle'.  Ask him straight out what he wants from you?   

[Kjays]

Hi pipsy and scotchfinger and thankyou for the reply. To be honest I do handle it probably a little bad as the ex that contacts him is actually a woman who broke up his marriage with a child involved. Now I know this I can not handle this woman I'm not judging but if she has done that it makes me very scared that it could be trying to do the same to me. So yes I will admit that I do not handle it great. He's past May scare me aswell as I'm so terrified I will be another victim and I'm terrified. 

Thankyou