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Still stuck in limbo land...

Community Member

A bit about me...  I am mid 30s, married for 13 years and 2 school aged kids.  I persuaded my husband 7 years ago to move here (from UK) for a better life.  He has missed his family/friends a lot.  

I started developing anxiety about a year ago, which moved up the scale to social anxiety.  I was always a bit shy anyway.  Recently my psychiatrist decided to lean towards Bipolar Disorder 2 also.  It is hard to accept and accept that I am still a capable mum, full-time worker (health sector) and citizen of the world.

My husband causes my anxiety.  He is and has always been snappy, tight with money and thinks the world is against us (like his father).  He also pressures me into social situations I am not keen on.  He knows nothing about anxiety to BPD, because he isn't interested to know.  He just thinks I am a nutcase basically.  He annoys me so much.  I have worked hard to be where I am financially and we have moved from overseas (with no family here), so my situation is tough.  I also feel bad if I leave.  It is my son's first year at high school too, so I am very confused and annoyed about the situation.  

 I hate the anxiety, but he does cause the attacks.  He shows no interest to learn more about the condition, yet picks to the point of my explosion.  I feel I am stuck in a rut.....  

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Frangipani

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. So pleased you found us and have been able to tell us your story.

Admitting to yourself that you have a mental illness is very hard. Partly of course, it is because we don't want to be unwell in any way, mental or physical. But the biggest problem is because of community attitude towards mental illness. It is this attitude that says we must be flawed and therefore be incompetent. It's hard when you are living proof this is not correct. Remind yourself that you are no different now than before your psych's diagnosis. You are still a capable mum, full-time worker (health sector) and citizen of the world.

I had a bit of a flashback when I read your post. For one heart-stopping moment I thought you were talking about my husband. The sort of picking he does is bullying and over time can make you lose faith in yourself. Have you discussed this with your psych? Given him examples? I would be surprised if he/she did not say your husband was bullying you.

This site has plenty of information on anxiety. Can I suggest you explore further and send for some of the fact sheets and booklets. It may be useful to you but I was thinking you may like to leave some of it lying around for your husband to read. People have all sorts of attitudes to mental health. He may be curious about your anxiety but nervous about showing his interest. If there is info lying around from a well-respected organisation such as BB, he may pick it up. After all, what have you got to lose. BB also has info on Bipolar Disorder. Just a comment, BPD usually means Borderline Personality Disorder which is very different to Bipolar Disorder.

How to combat your husband's attacks is difficult to answer. I never found a way without it backfiring big time. He was, and still is, a very controlling man, tight-fisted, opinionated big time, always out to beat the world before it got to him, demanding and a bully. I put up with it for far too long, mainly because I had lost all my confidence and started to believe I was the person he portrayed. I have four children and only found the courage to leave when they left home, 30 years later. My children keep him in order to some extent.

I had a good discussion with the psychologist yesterday and have started to make plans to stop the effect he has on me.

Sorry to dump my experience on you. Sometimes it helps when you know you are not alone. I would like to write more but out of allowance. Please continue to write in.